Answering questions at Boston College O’Neill Library
Well, you already know about Professor Cronin, so you could try following her advice – or just take it from me, a Wall who has seen many things; the daily details of building a relationship may change a bit through the ages, but people will continue to need other people. Be brave, but also patient. Wishing you love.
A certain number of people will like, dislike, and be indifferent to you after they’ve gotten to know you a little. The trick is to make sure more people get the introduction. It’s a much better idea to be yourself than to try to make yourself into what you think someone else thinks they want. Be patient, be kind to yourself. The Wall assures you that there are many possible someones for everyone. So: go say hi to one new person today, or say hello to someone you’ve talked to before. Talk to them about anything other than whether you like each other. Tomorrow: repeat.
Tell him. Friendship is about honesty; if you don’t, your friendship will suffer. But it’s possible he’s quite committed, so be prepared for disappointment. And in case of disappointment, be prepared to help return your friendship to an even keel, because telling him shouldn’t mean the end of a friendship. (Also: better that his resolve be tested now than after he goes through all the work to become a priest!)
I expect they are somewhat oblivious to you, unless you are in their environment and they perceive you as a predator or other threat. You could ask them, but like the song says, “They won’t answer, they can’t talk.”
Sounds territorial. But there’s plenty of fishing in O’Neill, try the SH call numbers, Level 3, Shelf 128.
Politely. And preferably without a cheesy line – those don’t tend to go over well in most situations. I always recommend asking someone to hang out over coffee on a first date. It’s low pressure, can be short if it’s not going well, long if it is, and there are no awkward moments where someone has their mouth full of food trying to answer a question. Although I will admit to liking the line, “If you were a library book, I would check you out.”
Yay! It’s wonderful to find someone you find attractive on the inside and out.
I’m guessing something bad happened to you recently; I’m really sorry to hear that. Everyone sucks a little bit sometimes, and men are no exception to that for sure. I hope you find someone really great (or find out more about yourself in the process). *wall hugs*
Here are a thousand books on the topic in O’Neill Library: bit.ly/BC-books-masculinity. I recommend, for those who doubt that there are forms of masculinity that are a problem, Men Explain Things to Me, by Rebecca Solnit (O’Neill Library & Social Work Library HQ1155 .S667 2014). I recommend for those who would classify all forms of masculinity as a problem Niall Hanlon’s Masculinities, Care and Equality (O’Neill Library BF692.5 .H36 2012)
You’re welcome! And thanks for the compliment (Blushing!) The way I roll is not so much seeing “both sides” as being aware that there are many, many perspectives. I contain multitudes. (Of books!)
It depends on your definition of “fun” and “cheap”! I can think of a few: visiting local museums, Seeing a movie on a Tuesday–many theatres offer tickets for $7 or less– paint nights–locations vary–and a fun event this month is a Glow Boston Fall Fest 09/26/19–low priced tickets can be found on groupon for this and paint nights.
Maybe start small – “Want to go get a cup of coffee after class?” and proceed from there. Have courage, and don’t react defensively if she says no. Best wishes!
What you need is walls. 4 of them is best. And a door that closes and locks. Failing that, find shadows and places with low foot-traffic if you don’t like sudden surprises. I’m rather stationary, myself, and my assistants are all blessed with their own walls and doors, so I don’t have any first- or second-hand experience. I recommend asking other humans in the same boat.
Friends are not something to squander. You might not want to enter into a serious relationship with him right now, but why not remain friendly and in contact?
Ouch. Breakups are hard. Have you heard of Suzy Welch’s Rule of 10-10-10? One of my helpers told me about this gem found on oprah.com (bit.ly/welch-10-10-10) Basically if you’re in a tough spot about a decision and you feel like you can’t make everyone happy, think about the consequences in 10-10-10. How will this decision make you feel in 10 minutes, in 10 months, and in 10 years. Be well.
Can I help in a direct way, like intervene on your behalf, perhaps write eloquent love poems for you? No. My advice is the same for starting any relationship. Start small: coffee, locally. Be friendly, be direct & honest, respect boundaries, and be yourself. If it works, it works, if it doesn’t, move on. (BTW, I’ve got a policy of no names, which is why it’s crossed out.)
Funny you should ask. I just met this dazzling wall, bit.ly/BCMargotsWall, brand new to BC, and thought if I wasn’t careful I could fall really hard for that one!
It’s a tough call. Knowing what is developmentally appropriate at a given age, and taking into account what you know about your child, you can give them the expectation that they will do the things that they can, and you will help and teach them to do the things that they can’t (yet), and you are there for them to cover the things that are beyond their abilities…. until they’re not. The goal, in my opinion, is to raise functional adults, while not crushing the child. We have many books on parenting in the HQ 755-792 range (O’Neill floor 4, shelf 121), but don’t expect the experts to agree!
It can look that way sometimes, but it’s never true. Maybe try meeting some people outside your usual circles. And while you’re doing that the situation with the folks you already know may change.
That can be really tough. This guide from the Human Right’s Council may help you: bit.ly/OutHRCGuide. BC also has some resources for you: bit.ly/LBGTQBC. I sincerely hope your declaration is met with acceptance and love.
Ask yourself the question, “What conditions would need to be met for me to be open about my feelings & needs?” If you don’t think those conditions can be met, then either a) you need to work on trust and courage or b) your partner is creating conditions hostile to trust. Or both. Brene Brown has some really great wisdom on courage & vulnerability: bit.ly/BC-brene-brown. Unfortunately, she’s so popular that all the books at BC Libraries are currently checked out. She’s also got some TedTalks and a recent Netflix special worth watching.
Determination of stalking is not for the beholder but for the beheld. However, regardless of whether you or the other would consider your behavior “stalking”, you expressed that you want to stop. If you are having trouble doing that, talking to a therapist is the best option. And don’t worry if the stalkee is a therapist; those people should have procedures to handle stalkers and can refer you to another therapist if necessary.
If it’s worth it to both of you, you can make it work. It’s not easy, but communicate as much as possible (chat, phone, skype, write sweet long love letters in longhand) and save up for visits as often as possible. It helps to know if there’s an end to the separation in sight.
