Category: Relationships

I think it’s a good sign that she’s openly communicating about the other man she sees in her sleep! You shouldn’t be insecure, it would be much worse if she were hiding this from you.

For building structures such as myself and my beloved (the Lobby Door), a 21 year age gap is quite insignificant. Now, for you humans; it can work or it can be a dysfunctional disaster. It depends very much on the individual circumstances (and ages – 18 & 39 is a whole other kettle of fish than 48 & 69.)

You have the right to expect your partner to treat you the way you want to be treated. One option would be to lay out your expectations and see how he reacts. But all relationships are at will, so sometimes the right answer is to move on.

Sometimes ” end it” is the best option. Working on it – especially communication – is another option to try. As a wall, looking out at humans, I have seen good outcomes with either option.

It’s time when you have the opportunity and when you want to, it’s really not harder than that. You can also change your mind at any time. Other people’s expectations aren’t really relevant to what’s right and comfortable for you.

I’ve been getting this question a lot lately. The part where you’re trying to figure out if the other person is interested is scary, but unavoidable. My advice is 1) talk to more people generally and 2) be direct. “I’d like to ask you on a date to do X” is much easier for everyone involved. There are only two possible answers. One hurts, but one is pretty great. Be brave!

Be honest and brave and communicate directly. Be clear with yourself how you would react if they were interested in getting back together and whether you would want to be “just friends”. Then… ask them what their intentions are This is a hard conversation to have, but it could save you (both) a long period of frustration and possibly unfounded hopes (on one side or the other.)

It would be nice if the heart were so unambiguous. Sometimes it does take some conversations to get clarity in order to move on.

It is hard to realize when you are in a program as intense as CSON, but there are actually other schools at Boston College, so broaden your search. If you can, join some university activities. Best of luck in finding love!

It can be as simple as saying hi to someone, or even smiling at someone walking by. Answering honestly or with more than the most brief answer can be another way as well. Most importantly, know people are interested in getting to know you (I certainly am!).

There’s no perfect answer to this question, but I hope you know that being single doesn’t mean there’s anything missing from your life or anything wrong with you. Try and appreciate your independence for the opportunities it allows you to learn more about yourself–your values, what makes you happy, and what you hope to find in a partner one day. When the right one comes along, you might be grateful for the time you had to get to know yourself.

Talk to more people generally. And talk to girls because you like talking to them, not because you have an agenda. Confidence is only one of the things people find attractive.

I’m in general in favor of second chances, but in this case it’s much more complicated. You have your finger on the issue, trust. You can’t have a lasting relationship without it. Our collection is a little more oriented toward helping future therapists learn how to help couples with this, but it might help you to look at a few things from this list at Boston Public Library: https://bit.ly/bc-infidelity. Because you’re at BC you’re eligible for a library card there, but you can also use our interlibrary loan service to request copies of what you want. My condolences, that is the hardest thing. And good luck to you as well.

How to love others? With some virtues that harmonize with love: patience, trust, care, gratitude, humor, empathy, and loyalty. Just take care that if you only ever get few of those in return, your love might be misplaced.

You don’t have to achieve a state of perfection – people continue to grow throughout life. If you are willing to be open and keep the other person’s best interests in mind, you are ready. But maybe take things slow if you are unsure.

It often depends on the person, in my limited experience as a wall. I have noticed that listening to people is often the first step, and from that listening you will get insight into what else will show them you care.

You don’t have to achieve a state of perfection – people continue to grow throughout life. If you are willing to be open and keep the other person’s best interests in mind, you are ready. But maybe take things slow if you are unsure.

Be yourself. It’s scary when you want a certain outcome, but talking to girls is not really different from talking to anyone else. Start a conversation about anything and don’t worry too much.

I’m sorry you’re in that place; breakups are painful. The passage of time, and new interests (not necessarily new love interests) will help make the misery fade. Be kind to yourself!

I am not a poet, however many others who are have written poems you might like. Take a look at Seamus Heaney’s “Scaffolding,” Joy Harjo’s “For Keeps,” and Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s “How Do I Love Thee?” And maybe, if none of these are quite what you want, you could write the poem you’re hoping for.