May I suggest googling “Boston mural map” and taking your date (and yourself!) on a tour of murals on *walls* in the area? You can enjoy some public art, learn about some new areas of the city, and discover new-to-you artists!
Your Wall is a romantic. I do believe in “true love”, though not to be confused with “perfect love”.
I’m thinking maybe you asked about this before? My advice is the same: don’t overthink it, just ask her.
Extend to yourself the same kindness, generosity of spirit, and forgiveness you would extend to others.
Either the truth (your actual age) or if you’re worried about identity theft or security for other reasons, an age very close to your age but inaccurate, or if you’re trying to appear older, add a few years, or trying to appear younger, subtract a few years. If you’re planning on potential long-term relationships, I recommend some proximity to the truth, because untruth (even small ones) make a terrible foundation for trusting relationships.
Assuming that all participants are adults and the relationship is consensual, there isn’t much biological reason to avoid sex with distant cousins, even if it were to result in offspring. There may be some negative response from others depending on your culture and the degree of distance; different cultures have different incest taboos.
This year is a complete loss. We are already in the eight month, almost in the ninth, and nothing works. Schools are still closed. So I cant graduate, or get my new drivers licence. There is no cure for the COVID, so I cant risk going to the mall and having ice cream while I watch people. I havent dated this entire year, and I really want to get a girlfriend, but the clubs are kinda empty. I just wish I had a girlfriend. Do you know of any single girl who wants a boyfriend?
I miss people watching too, it’s such a messed-up year. I think right now I’d recommend looking anywhere but clubs. Tinder is doing some stuff with video right now, but if you’re not into dating apps the old school advice is to do things you really enjoy where you can meet new people. Likely outdoors or online.
The first thing to keep in mind is that their selfishness, though it may cause problems for you and for others, is their problem, not yours. You aren’t obligated to change them, and you don’t need to take their selfishness personally. Think of it like bad weather: it may cause you problems, but it isn’t personal, and you often can’t do much about it. The next thing is to set clear boundaries. Selfish people will often push or manipulate you into doing things you later resent or regret. You can say no. You can even say no over and over again. You can also put some distance between you and them. Sometimes that’s not an easy option: it’s a family member, a boss, a friend of a friend, someone that’s hard to avoid. You always have a right to set limits, though, and if someone’s selfishness is harmful, keep yourself safe by getting away from them.
But I am not sure if this day is in Europe too. May you tell me? And may I get some feedback on my idea: I think about writing a letter, printing it and putting it in an envelope. And then leaving the envelope on the table in the living room. I want to bake/cook something too, but I am not sure if I will have the chance to do so, so I will try to buy something sweet to eat secretly. I am imagining that I find a way to put everything on the table, without her and my brother knowing and going with my brother to school. But first, I don’t know if the school will be online or not. And I can’t get any ideas of how I can secretly put everything on the table. I think about putting a piece of paper, telling to look in the closet (that would be pretty symbolic) where I have already put everything, but my brother might find it as well. And I am still not 100% sure that I wan to do it this way. Writing a letter would be easier for me, but won’t it be better to say it directly or giving her time to process the information. With a letter, I would tell her everything and discourage things she might things about why I am this way, that aren’t true. And the thing that is concerning me is that I read too many coming out stories and that the thing I am imagining may be absolutely different from reality and what is concerning me, even more, is that I may backfire myself or that the day may not be good for this and etc. There is still plenty of time till the eleventh of October, but I want to have a plan that makes me feel more confident. Sorry if all this is confusing.
National Coming Out Day is celebrated on October 11th in many countries. It may be different where you are, so you might need to do a little searching to see if it falls on a different day. Also, if a different day works better for you, go for it- I doubt your mother will care what day you tell her. Regarding your ideas for telling your mother, you should do what is right for you, but because you are questioning it, I think you may be complicating it. I would forget the “how” of telling your mother and focus on the “what” you want to tell her. I recommend writing it down so you are clear what you want to say. You can then use it to prepare for the talk, or you could just read it to her. I do not recommend leaving it for her to read at a time when you are not right there to answer her questions. That seems a little unfair to her, and you lose the ability to explain anything she might misunderstand.
I know how to come out now and what to say, thank you for helping me, but there is 1 thing that I am not sure about: Should I tell her I know she already knows?
It is best not to assume what she knows and doesn’t know. You should tell her what you want her to know and answer any questions she has. It is also okay if you don’t have answers to her questions- this is all new to you, and it’s fine to be uncertain.
Don’t be so complicated; just tell your mom who you are. I’m pretty sure she loves you… don’t you think she loves you??? Of course she does, and she does to the point you don’t know!!! She knows already who you are, she carried you for 9 month in her womb, she educated you, she leaned from your crying, she took and still takes care of you. Just take her to your room, hug her and tell her how much you love her, and feel thankful for all she’s done for you. And then tell her, “ mom since I came to know myself better, after a long time of reflection I have come accept myself the way I am… I feel I am homosexual… I have been feeling that way since… and it brings me peace that you know it. I know I can count on you as I continue growing and maturing as man!! Know I’ll be alright…” idk you can add more. But again don’t be complicated. If you leave letters or things like that are not truly, in my humble opinion, assuming why responsibility who you are. If you are capable of telling directly to your mom this, she will have also the confidence you’re maturing and becoming a responsable man and it will bring her peace too. If you wanna talk, we can meet at BC. I’m student too.
I always assume I don’t know the whole story, and the person telling it knows it better than me. But you’re right, I think, that it’s a distraction to dwell too much on the details of delivery. Much love to anyone who takes a risk like this on a foundational relationship. It’s hard. It’s necessary, but it’s hard. I wish for all children coming out to parents all the courage and support they need.
My mother has already said that she would not have a problem if I was, but I am not sure for my father. (He tends to be more gentle, but I am not sure how he will handle this) + My father is tamporarly in a another country and I am with my mother and my twin brother alone for now. (I am sure my brother is gay too). Should I wait until my father comes for a visit? I am thinking for writing a letter, but… I need ideas. And I don’t feel confortable telling my brother.
There are so many ways to come out to family and friends- the best way is whatever feels right to you. Regardless of how you tell people, they don’t all need to know at the same time. As you come out to people, make sure you let them know that you need to be the one to let other people know. Many websites have coming out stories, advice and examples, but they represent wide ranges of political and religious viewpoints, so find the ones that feel right to you and ignore the others. I do recommend looking at the pflag.org site- they provide information for LGBTQ+ folks as well as for parents and allies.
I feel so annoyed, and I don’t like explaining after that. Feels useless. What would you do?
While you may not like explaining your feelings, I think expressing your thoughts could help with the misunderstandings you’re dealing with. Ideally, if you and those who misunderstand you can find some common ground, things can improve.
For those of a certain age it was 90 Bedford St, New York, NY 10014 in the West Village. For those even more of a certain age it was Z, double O, M, Box 3-5-O, Boston, Mass. 0-2-1-3-4. But maybe that’s not the kind of thing you’re talking about? Facebook claims to provide “friends,” but I’m dubious. Some humans I know speak wistfully about a place called MySpace. I’ve seen many people greet each other with friendly waves in my home, the O’Neill Library lobby at Boston College. I think the address is wherever you are.
Be (gently) honest with him and manage expectations. Let him know that (barring a true emergency) you need time for – whatever else you do – but also let him know when you are available and that you want to be there for him. But you can’t make him happy; that’s on him.
Good luck trying. In my experience, this is very difficult, and leads to too much loss of sleep on your part – see the brilliant XKCD: xkcd.com/386/
ask don’t have one in particular. My favorite color is not a specific one, but any one that I find fits the moment.
Maybe not having a favorite color is what makes you unique? People often ask this question to spark conversation or get to know someone better. Consider it your opportunity to open and share a little bit about yourself with others.
Trust but verify, as they said in Cold War days. You can’t go through life not trusting anyone, but keep your eyes open, especially if your gut is warning you.
Absolutely. There are many kinds of love (8 according to the ancient Greeks) and not all of them are manifest as passionate heart longing when someone is gone. Additionally, everyone expresses love differently. It’s not uncommon to love family, but not necessarily miss them when they’re not around (or even sometimes be glad they’re gone). The same can be true of any relationship in your life.
I can’t tell if he likes me back and 2. I can’t tell if he’s gay. I feel like we both like each other but are both too nervous to make a move because we’ve gotten so close over the summer. We went out to dinner a few weeks ago and he paid! was he trying to imply its a date? I also dont wanna make a move if he is gay and i embarrass both of us.
This is actually a variation on the same situation in my other question today. In theory all you need to do is ask “Are you gay?” and then say either “yay!” or “wanna go on a date?” depending on the answer. But the Wall totally understands how tough actually doing that is. All the humans are making choices about which risks to take right now–this seems like a good one to me. Good luck!
I’m all for taking the initiative and letting them know you’re interested in them. Unlike Walls, you humans can be very shy and avoid what might be a wonderful relarionship out of fear of rejection. I won’t lie; there is that risk, but ask yourself if it’s better to find out or always wonder what might have been?
I think he likes me as well, I always find him watching me. So, we have been messaging one another during the quarantine. He sent me a message saying, “I know you will meet a great man”. Could he be talking about himself? Thank you wall and Happy 4th of July. Desperately Seeking a Man
It’s always hard to decide what to do in these situations: risk heartbreak on a gamble for love, or go the safe route and risk missing out on love and adventure. If you want to go for it, perhaps you could message him: “I think you’re a great man,” and see where it leads. Happy (very) belated 4th, and may love be on your side.
Hey Wall it’s me again, I don’t have the strength to tell him how I feel. Every time I open up to a man it always back fires. For once in my life I wish a man that I am interested in would make the first move. It would make my life so much better. Any-who, thank you for listening😘. Chit chat with you soon.
Sigh… I understand. If it were easy, there wouldn’t be so many poems, songs, and stories about unrequited love, longing, and heartbreak. Let Etta James wash you in her tears: bit.ly/Etta-Sunday