Answering questions at Boston College O’Neill Library
Yes. This is apparently the way. And for what it’s worth, my sources tell me that it gets harder to recreate the spontaneous college experience of meeting new people as you get older. Be brave! It’s worth it, even if it doesn’t work out the way you hope.
I’m sorry you’re feeling lonely. Here’s something to try: ask friends & family for care. You can ask directly (“I need a hug”) but that can be a challenging thing to do. Here’s a trick: offer a hug to someone, especially if they look a little down. That will help chip away at the separation. Or just offer a kind word: “you’re looking good today,” or “I was just remembering that time we…” If you find it too hard to try reaching out to people this way, I recommend talking to someone about it, for instance, BC’s counseling services: bit.ly/BC-counseling.
Good gifts are so personal, so my general advice is: Get him that thing you saw him looking at when you were out that one time.
It’s natural to want to be loved! Try spending time with friends and family, enjoying hobbies, and caring for your self; this can bring you connection and joy until you find your special someone.
Arranged marriages really haven’t been a thing in the US for quite a while, but one does see some appeal occasionally. I think you’re great, and that good things will happen for you.
I’m afraid I can’t help you with that, but I suggest finding someone whose interests and values are similar to yours and whose personality you enjoy. Spend time getting to know them and see where it leads.
Just say “hi” and start a conversation about literally anything other than how attractive you think they are.
I would suggest trying to avoid that situation altogether by doing that in a more private location. Failing that, apologies always go a long way, as do promises that they won’t be subjected to it again.
Beauty is, as they say, in the eyes of the beholder and it is also more than skin deep. Perhaps some of the qualities that make you enjoy your girlfriend’s company – personality, sense of humor, the conversations you can have – are all part of the special sauce that makes her pretty.
If walls could talk… . Just kidding, they can! I think I’ve heard everything at this point from my dorm wall friends. If I were a human in that situation I’d probably apologize for not alerting them, and if the two of you haven’t talked through some ground rules, I’d suggest doing that as well, to avoid it happening again.
Step 1: recognize that the way you think about other people affects how they react to you. Step 2: start a conversation about literally anything other than dating. Step 3: be gracious about taking no for an answer. You don’t get the harsh put-down if you notice the subtle “I’m not interested”.
Holding onto the pettiness and repairing the relationship are both optional. Maybe think about what the current situation is doing for you, that might make it clearer what to prioritize.
Since I’m going steady with the Lobby Door, what I can say is that sometimes thinking about the person can help. Think about your boyfriend right now and how you feel about that, and perhaps that will help.
Perpetually lonely is not good. I highly recommend BC Counseling Services (https://bit.ly/BCUCSOptions) to get some support. But, I can say, don’t lose hope. Loneliness is not a permanent state, you will overcome this.
It’s official. The slang has eclipsed my ability to keep up.
Short lesson in pronouns*: “My” might be a turn-off for someone, so start thinking of them as a potential “you.” When you see someone for who they are, that’s validating. Some might even say “hot.”
*Technically, “my” is a determiner, the adjectival form of the pronoun “mine.”
Speaking honestly, but kindly. And, following up if you feel you have been misunderstood. Don’t let the misunderstanding continue.
We’re a great choice for a study date where you actually study.
There are many ideas about this, but generally try to actively listen to what someone is saying and show genuine interest in their lives. Have warm, positive body language (a brief smile with raised eyebrows and keeping eye contact for example) to make folks you interact with feel at ease. Be a bit vulnerable to show you are authentic and folks around you can be themselves. Expressing humor and finding points of connection are a bonus but take time and practice to get right.
Perhaps one way to decenter men in your daily life is to focus on building strong relationships with friends – especially female friends. Podcasters Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman wrote a book called “Big Friendship” a few years ago about the work that goes into sustaining those relationships (bit.ly/BigFriendshipBook), and Rhaina Cohen’s more recent “The Other Significant Others” considers the way our world could expand if we picked our friends to be our life partners (bit.ly/OtherSignificantOthersBook). Decentering men in other areas, such as workplaces or academia, requires tackling some entrenched historical systems. You might find this article on “Rooting Out the Masculine Defaults in Your Workplace,” which was written by two psychologists, an interesting place to start (bit.ly/MasculineDefaults).
