Answering questions at Boston College O’Neill Library
It depends on your definition of “fun” and “cheap”! I can think of a few: visiting local museums, Seeing a movie on a Tuesday–many theatres offer tickets for $7 or less– paint nights–locations vary–and a fun event this month is a Glow Boston Fall Fest 09/26/19–low priced tickets can be found on groupon for this and paint nights.
Maybe start small – “Want to go get a cup of coffee after class?” and proceed from there. Have courage, and don’t react defensively if she says no. Best wishes!
What you need is walls. 4 of them is best. And a door that closes and locks. Failing that, find shadows and places with low foot-traffic if you don’t like sudden surprises. I’m rather stationary, myself, and my assistants are all blessed with their own walls and doors, so I don’t have any first- or second-hand experience. I recommend asking other humans in the same boat.
Friends are not something to squander. You might not want to enter into a serious relationship with him right now, but why not remain friendly and in contact?
Ouch. Breakups are hard. Have you heard of Suzy Welch’s Rule of 10-10-10? One of my helpers told me about this gem found on oprah.com (bit.ly/welch-10-10-10) Basically if you’re in a tough spot about a decision and you feel like you can’t make everyone happy, think about the consequences in 10-10-10. How will this decision make you feel in 10 minutes, in 10 months, and in 10 years. Be well.
Can I help in a direct way, like intervene on your behalf, perhaps write eloquent love poems for you? No. My advice is the same for starting any relationship. Start small: coffee, locally. Be friendly, be direct & honest, respect boundaries, and be yourself. If it works, it works, if it doesn’t, move on. (BTW, I’ve got a policy of no names, which is why it’s crossed out.)
Funny you should ask. I just met this dazzling wall, bit.ly/BCMargotsWall, brand new to BC, and thought if I wasn’t careful I could fall really hard for that one!
It’s a tough call. Knowing what is developmentally appropriate at a given age, and taking into account what you know about your child, you can give them the expectation that they will do the things that they can, and you will help and teach them to do the things that they can’t (yet), and you are there for them to cover the things that are beyond their abilities…. until they’re not. The goal, in my opinion, is to raise functional adults, while not crushing the child. We have many books on parenting in the HQ 755-792 range (O’Neill floor 4, shelf 121), but don’t expect the experts to agree!
It can look that way sometimes, but it’s never true. Maybe try meeting some people outside your usual circles. And while you’re doing that the situation with the folks you already know may change.
That can be really tough. This guide from the Human Right’s Council may help you: bit.ly/OutHRCGuide. BC also has some resources for you: bit.ly/LBGTQBC. I sincerely hope your declaration is met with acceptance and love.
Ask yourself the question, “What conditions would need to be met for me to be open about my feelings & needs?” If you don’t think those conditions can be met, then either a) you need to work on trust and courage or b) your partner is creating conditions hostile to trust. Or both. Brene Brown has some really great wisdom on courage & vulnerability: bit.ly/BC-brene-brown. Unfortunately, she’s so popular that all the books at BC Libraries are currently checked out. She’s also got some TedTalks and a recent Netflix special worth watching.
Determination of stalking is not for the beholder but for the beheld. However, regardless of whether you or the other would consider your behavior “stalking”, you expressed that you want to stop. If you are having trouble doing that, talking to a therapist is the best option. And don’t worry if the stalkee is a therapist; those people should have procedures to handle stalkers and can refer you to another therapist if necessary.
If it’s worth it to both of you, you can make it work. It’s not easy, but communicate as much as possible (chat, phone, skype, write sweet long love letters in longhand) and save up for visits as often as possible. It helps to know if there’s an end to the separation in sight.
They are all great names, so I can’t recommend one over the others. If you are asking about specific people with these names, you’ll need create your own version of The Bachelorette and pick one yourself. Just make sure the guys are willing participants first.
Minimally. Making boundaries can feel risky, but it’s fine (and in fact good) to make them. And you want to make sure you don’t fall into the clutches of an energy vampire: bit.ly/colin-energy-vampire
I wholeheartedly believe you will love again. But if you need convincing, just blast Lara Fabian’s I Will Love Again until you believe it too. bit.ly/iwillloveagainhttp://bit.ly/iwillloveagain
IDK, but think about involving one or the other (or both) in your decision.
It’s a thing. It’s a wonderful, compelling thing. And a great excuse to share my favorite video on the whole Internet: bit.ly/D6Vid
![How to make a friend w/benefits your significant Other? [Response: ASK]](https://library.bc.edu/answerwall/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/aw051319-19.jpg)
I agree with the response. I don’t think anyone wouldn’t be at least flattered to know you’d developed true feelings for them over the course of an otherwise rather transactional affair. You would be opening yourself up to rejection, of course, but that’s always the risk when telling someone you want a relationship. Worth it, in my opinion. Best of luck!
I think it’s okay. But how about looking at it through a different prism: be respectful to her, but know that she’s just not your people.
