Answering questions at Boston College O’Neill Library
Determination of stalking is not for the beholder but for the beheld. However, regardless of whether you or the other would consider your behavior “stalking”, you expressed that you want to stop. If you are having trouble doing that, talking to a therapist is the best option. And don’t worry if the stalkee is a therapist; those people should have procedures to handle stalkers and can refer you to another therapist if necessary.
If it’s worth it to both of you, you can make it work. It’s not easy, but communicate as much as possible (chat, phone, skype, write sweet long love letters in longhand) and save up for visits as often as possible. It helps to know if there’s an end to the separation in sight.
They are all great names, so I can’t recommend one over the others. If you are asking about specific people with these names, you’ll need create your own version of The Bachelorette and pick one yourself. Just make sure the guys are willing participants first.
Minimally. Making boundaries can feel risky, but it’s fine (and in fact good) to make them. And you want to make sure you don’t fall into the clutches of an energy vampire: bit.ly/colin-energy-vampire
I wholeheartedly believe you will love again. But if you need convincing, just blast Lara Fabian’s I Will Love Again until you believe it too. bit.ly/iwillloveagainhttp://bit.ly/iwillloveagain
IDK, but think about involving one or the other (or both) in your decision.
It’s a thing. It’s a wonderful, compelling thing. And a great excuse to share my favorite video on the whole Internet: bit.ly/D6Vid
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I agree with the response. I don’t think anyone wouldn’t be at least flattered to know you’d developed true feelings for them over the course of an otherwise rather transactional affair. You would be opening yourself up to rejection, of course, but that’s always the risk when telling someone you want a relationship. Worth it, in my opinion. Best of luck!
I think it’s okay. But how about looking at it through a different prism: be respectful to her, but know that she’s just not your people.
If you’re scared you’ll never see him again, it sounds like you haven’t lost the spark. He’s the same person, facial hair or no. If you made the mistake of rejecting him for beardlessness & now regret it, ask for forgiveness. If no regrets, move on.
Love him in whatever way he wants to be loved. That’s true for anyone–you can’t force someone to love you if they want something or someone else more.
As a Wall I’m pretty comfortable with people reflecting things on me, it goes with the territory.
I would go the “I am not a doctor” (IANAD) route and not diagnose him, but gently bring up the symptoms that you’ve noticed, tell him they alarm you, and suggest he might want to ask his doctor (or see University Health Services (bit.ly/BostonCollegeHealth) about it. It’s good that you’re making the effort to do this; sleep apnea is no joking matter!
Don’t.
Maybe the OP qualifies as that strange online activity I’ve heard about called “trolling”: IOW, provocation for fun.
You live there too, so make arrangements that accommodate everyone’s needs. As for them using your bed- gross! I wonder if you meticulously make up your bed (e.g. military-style), they might find it too hard to hide the evidence and just move to another location.
Talk to your RA or RD for guidance. If at any time you feel like you are at risk, call BC Police at 617-552-4444.
On the one hand, many people are uncomfortable navigating the tricky terrain of a friendship that turns romantic. On the other hand, a romantic relationship with friendship at its base can be a very strong, long-lasting one, with a rare degree of trust and openness. Make the invitation, but give your friend as much room (and time!) as they need to answer, with the knowledge that they may say no. If you give them this freedom and are genuinely willing to accept “no,” it’s unlikely you’ll jeopardize your friendship.
We are always all awash in feelings whether or not we acknowledge them. The key is to be aware of them as they happen, and willing to experience and observe without holding on. A meditation practice can help, as can getting perspective from a conversation with a trusted confidante, which can be a friend, a relative, or even a therapist or counselor. bit.ly/BC-counseling
Hm, humans all need to be listened to and acknowledged. So I listen carefully, and after some mindful reflection, I respond.
Try to build in distance from that person. And stop following your crush so closely on social media–virtual distance is critical. My helpers tell me it is possible to move from the obsession stage to the being very fond of someone stage, but not crushing on them.
