Category: Relationships

If you know you are the GF in the earlier question, then you and your partner must be discussing the behavior mentioned. I am very relieved to know that you and your GF are being thoughtful and open about how your relationship is going. As long as that is the case, you will need very little advice from me or others.

I don’t think I’ve ever met Matteo, so it’s hard to say why he won’t mind his own business. Maybe he’s just more interested in your business than his own? And wouldn’t that be kind of flattering? To a point? It sounds like he crosses a line, though. If he’s interested in everybody’s business (an incurable gossip), I recommend discretion and careful listening. (And *never* reveal his sources, or else the well will dry up.) This eagle understands you, though.

Ask him how he’s doing. If he says he’s fine and he’d really rather just be in the room, that’s up to him. If you want to do something with him, consider doing something together without going out – multiplayer video, board games, cards, stream a film through movies.bc.edu or check out a dvd from the library. If you’re concerned about his well-being, check in with counseling to hear what they recommend: bit.ly/BC-counseling.

Nothing like a tantrum to tell the world how you feel. My mother once made me stand in the corner (no small feat for a wall). Perhaps your GF has had success with childlike behavior and so continues to act that way to get what she wants. Rather than giving in, you might act like a parent and tell her that she won’t get what she wants until she behaves appropriately.

It does seem likely, if you are that close now. One study (bit.ly/BFFSHow) suggests that apart from inherent personality similarities (which you can’t change much), investing time into the friendship is the most important factor in maintaining it. So, be there for her through the years, and she’s more likely to be there for you, when you say your vows…

Someone that you connect with, who you think you will be friends with forever. Not necessarily someone you see or talk to every day; often someone you may not see all the time, but you just pick up where you left off. Someone who knows you and whom you know and you just accept each other for who you are and make time for each other when you need to. You may have lots of good friends throughout your life but will probably have very few lifelong friends. They are a true gift!

Yes. Yes, you will. Be patient. And persistent. And resilient.

Be honest and direct with your partner about how you’re feeling. If you don’t see each other frequently you’ll be tempted to put off the unpleasant conversation. That’s normal, but it doesn’t actually spare you or your partner the discomfort…and can sometimes make it worse.

That’s a pretty uncomfortable situation! Financial services like Venmo which have a social media aspect, and promote payments between friends, can be such a useful thing when sharing bills, or selling items. But when a friend is asking for money on them, it’s hard to know how to respond. How would you respond if your friend was asking for money in person?

Unless, like me, you are positioned permanently in a public place, you’re probably going to have to go out to make friends, even ones you meet online. One popular strategy is to pick something you’re interested in that other people do, and go do that. Join a club, volunteer for a charity, go to events sponsored by BC or other groups on campus. Some humans find Meetups helpful, and there are Boston-area meetups on anything and everything. Be yourself. If all of that seems like too much, try saying hello to one new person a day. When that gets comfortable, try starting a conversation with them.

Of course you’re hesitant: complicating a romance with intercultural mixed signals & the prospect of long distances could be intimidating. But it comes down to a simple choice: You can a) just dive in, even if it means changing your FB relationship status to “it’s complicated,” or b) always wonder what your life would have been like if you’d just thrown caution to the wind.