Answering questions at Boston College O’Neill Library
I would advise you to be, as much and as often as you can, your authentic awesome self. It’s the sustainable way to live and whether that makes your boyfriend love you so much it drives him crazy is on him.
I don’t think there is a reserved way to ask a stranger if they’re into fisting. You could (and probably should) get to know him VERY well before you ask him. Alternatively, you could start with a conversation about more typical sexual interests and then see where his limits are. Whatever approach you take, please respect any indication that he is uncomfortable with the conversation and stop before you cross a line.
At BC it seems that people branch out every year & meet new people to add to their social circle, even in senior year! So, don’t feel like it’s too late. One of the best ways to meet new people is to join clubs. Next year go to the Club Fair. Stop by a lot of tables & start going to events. Get involved in Campus Ministry and if you have a faith tradition start attending campus services. You’ll be meeting other people with similar interests and friendships will follow. : )
🙁 Well it may just be possible that you two aren’t a good match. The nice thing about Bumble is that women get to make the first move, so you clearly saw something in him. But it’s possible that he’s not feeling the same way. As you know with Bumble, there are plenty of bees in the hive, so to speak, so you can always keep searching. I know that you will find someone that does love you.
Make a list of things you enjoy doing. Make a list of people you’re acquainted with and/or organizations at BC (bit.ly/BCStudentGroups) or elsewhere (such as meetup.com) that do those things. Join organizations and do those things with them. Introduce yourself to people you’re doing them with. Repeat. When a conversation gets beyond names and weather, that’s a potential friend. Arrange to do something else with them that you both enjoy. Repeat. Celebrate their successes & birthdays, commiserate with their sorrows. Repeat. Suddenly, you realize you’ve been friends for decades. Repeat.
You’ve had a book published? That’s fantastic! I have to admit if I were (not a wall and) on a date, and I had written a book – yep, I’d find a way to slip it into the conversation. But lightly, and just once, or save it for the second date. Probably best to focus on your date, and finding out about him or her.
Possibly because they are actual human beings with lives, thoughts, dreams, skills, and issues of their own. Really, who isn’t complicated, once you take a good look? Life is complex and messy, and people reflect that in how they relate to each other. Honesty, conversation, and acceptance can work wonders, but are no guarantee the other party (of any gender) isn’t going to surprise you.
Everyone is beautiful. And everyone is unique. You just need to find someone that’s your kind of unique. Patience is key here. If you’re having trouble meeting people you’re interested in and that are interested in you, try joining student groups. Meetups around Boston (meetup.com) can also help you find people with similar interests and break you out of the BC sphere. Keep searching! Everyone is beautiful and deserves to be treated as such.
You make friends the same way those in any other major do- talk to people, find common interests, and let the friendships grow. You probably won’t find a friend that is interested in all of the same things you like. You might start by finding different people to share your different interests. Some of those get togethers are likely to grow into more meaningful and rich friendships.
I disagree that no one wants to give love. I try to give love whenever someone wants it. If you think nobody is giving love, you may need to adjust your definition of it. People show their love and give it in many different ways. It could be that you are showered in love that you just aren’t seeing. Keep an open mind and you may be surprised by how much love is out there.
Before you ask him out, you should know if he is straight, gay or bi. The best way to determine this is to get to know him first. This is true of any potential partner. Ask him to lunch, or study together, or go to a game. When it feels right, tell him you’re gay (or bi). If he’s into you too, he’ll let you know.
Whether you are out of someone’s league is not something you can know, and it’s really just a variation on whether you’ll get along. Go for it if you want to, it’s the only way to find out.
It’s hard, but sometimes you’ve got to do it. If it’s a close friend, you really should talk with them, and be honest but as gentle as you can. Sometimes (only if it is the truth), you can leave the door open for renewing the friendship when things change in your lives; it does happen, even after bad friend breakups. Though “ghosting” or just disappearing from someone’s life is currently in disfavor, you can gradually reduce your contact with less close friends and the friendship often just fades away.
Adding a sexual component to your BFship is risky business, whether you are adding it as a component of morphing your friendship into love, or whether it’s just for… convenience. You would need to be very, very sure that s/he was on the same page as you are, even on the subconscious level. I’m not just being a prudish wall when I say I would advise looking for sex within a committed relationship, and not potentially ruining something as sweet as a best friend relationship for brief pleasure.
Desperate is not usually a good look, but it tends to be more important to be out and doing things that have you meeting people than anything else. The Wall has been here many years, and has seen much. There is more than one someone for everyone.
Maybe. There are certainly couples that do make it work. But it takes work and commitment from both sides. I recommend setting up regular video chat dates so that you can see each other. Seeing a loved one’s facial expressions or the way the laugh is a lot more powerful than just hearing them talk. And have these dates regularly. So regularly that they get boring because you have nothing to talk about. That’s what an in-person relationship is like at times. It’s not always an exciting day.
It’s not an easy problem to solve, but there are ongoong efforts here. Faculty both teach classes relevant to changing hookup culture (e.g. Kerry Cronin’s class Dating Project), and conduct research on the subject. The BC Women’s Center holds a “ResTalk” program called “Undressing the Hookup Culture” (see bit.ly/HookupResTalk).
Directly. Cheerfully. Non-judgmentally. Everyone gets to like what they like. If you talk about it, you might be able to come to a compromise that works for both of you. If you don’t talk about it, you won’t, and it would be sad not to try.
I am so sorry about your poor broken heart. I can say with assurance you deserve better. If you want to read about it, you’ll find a lot of infidelity going on in the stacks in the HQ 806 area. I prefer the answer Olympia Dukakis’ character gave in the marvelous 1987 film Moonstruck, “They fear death”. The film is available at the Circulation desk (call number PN1997 .M652 2006), and is as good as any for when you’re feeling sad.
The latest release from K-pop girl group TWICE. Watch/listen at bit.ly/twice-whatislove.
