Answering questions at Boston College O’Neill Library
Am I wrong in thinking humans find boyfriends under cabbage leaves? This is what my parents told me. Perhaps there are many potential boyfriends *not* under cabbage leaves. I should think finding them would be something like finding friends: speak to a variety, and when you find common interests, let more conversations follow. Keep in mind, however, that I am a Wall, and Walls might not act quite like humans.
My understanding is that hookups can happen with people someone knows well or with people they just met. There doesn’t seem to be a social protocol around this issue. So, you should wait until YOU are comfortable approaching him about having a hookup. Then it’s up to him to tell you whether or not HE is comfortable. The key is for both of you to wait until you are both comfortable and not under the influence of substances or external pressures.
♪ ♪ Dime si conmigo quiere hacer travesuras, ah
Que se ha vuelto una locura
Y tu esta bien dura
Y no me puedo contener…
Y no me puedo contener… ♪ ♪
Oh, thank you! The Wall is flattered, but is already in a permanent relationship with the other walls of O’Neill.
Sheer poetry! Everyone should adopt a resolution like this. The Answer Wall loves stillness, and though I enjoy settling, building engineers tell me settling walls and foundations can cause structural problems. But you humans, please enjoy settling into your communities, and please enjoy stillness. I can’t recommend stillness enough. You might enjoy the book The Art of Stillness: Adventures in Going Nowhere, by the travel writer Pico Iyer. (O’Neill and TML Libraries BJ1496 .I84 2014)
![NY's resolution: Ask out _____ ______ [redacted]](http://library.bc.edu/answerwall/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/aw011818-5.jpg)
That’s a S.M.A.R.T. goal: Specific, Measurable, Assignable… OK, not sure how Realistic, but why worry? And you didn’t specify a Timeframe; hopefully, you won’t use that as a way to avoid your fears by putting it off indefinitely. Good luck! (Sorry about the black pen: no names on the Wall, please.)
It’s a really good idea to be open to a broad array of relationships: there are many kinds of love other than romantic. I’ve never really understood the phrase “just friends.” Friends are the ones who have your back for years, perhaps even a lifetime, while most romances, though intense, are temporary. The Greeks counted many types of love: friendship, empathic, erotic, and universal are the ones C.S. Lewis wrote about in The Four Loves. (O’Neill call number BV4639 .L45 1988). A Psychology Today article lists 7: bit.ly/7-types-of-love. May you learn to find the love you need.
I bet that will make you both happier and more productive – great resolution. You could start small, maybe no screens at meals or for a set period each day, and see how that works for you. I hope you will enjoy living outside of the Internet!
Spending more time with friends, whether from work or elsewhere, is always a good idea for humans & Walls. I like to spend time with my friend Express Yo’Self (bit.ly/express-yoself) through facetime. Being nicer is always better than being meaner. Just ask Monte Irvin: Nice Guys Finish First. (O’Neill Library call number: GV865.I78 A3x 1996)
What a laudable goal! One path is to figure out what’s getting in the way of presence: work, social media, conflict avoidance, fear of intimacy, or just a habit of not being present. It’s also worthwhile just asking the ones you love what’s on their minds, or complimenting them. Sometimes, for instance, I take my friend the 3rd Floor for granted, but I should be more present. Floor, I love the way you withstand thousands of footsteps daily without complaint. Thich Nhat Hanh wrote a good book about mindfulness and love: Teachings on Love. (O’Neill Library, Call number: BQ4360 .N4713 1998)
