Answering questions at Boston College O’Neill Library
Recognize the reality of your emotions: that you are experiencing the loss of an imagined future, which is no small thing. Spend time with friends. Have faith that the feelings will subside if you’re willing to let go.
Why lose a friend just because they didn’t work as a romantic partner? I’d say, go with it, unless it doesn’t work out for one or both of you.
I am so sorry you’re experiencing this! As you said, friends that do that are not real friends indeed. There are many friendly fish in the sea who will like and believe in the person you are today, and plenty of friendships still to be made. Focus on cultivating new friendships, and being kind to yourself during this time. However– for some literary distraction/dramatic catharsis, the Count of Monte Cristo knows all about being churned through the rumor mill… bit.ly/3ECvtC1
Your Mileage May Vary, but if you take part in the kind of activities that are interesting and meaningful to you, if you find the courage to talk to people, and you live your values, you will have done what you can to make it happen.
Any narrowly defined persona or body type is going to be rare because narrow definitions are necessarily exclusionary. Most people blend into many different “types” and therefore can’t be labeled as any one thing. Broaden your expectations, and you will likely find many interesting people wherever you look.
Starting in October you’re going to want to begin collecting sticks and other nesting material. Gifts of food are welcome. You’ll probably want to practice your vocalization, and it may be a good idea to stretch out your lower back. https://bit.ly/3EfcIoe
Be your authentic self. I am sure you will attract someone who is equally authentic.
I am sooo sorry to hear that. I am sure that you have plenty of qualities to be proud of and I hope you will eventually be able to recognize that. If you are looking to be in a relationship at this time maybe finding the right person could help you discover and be pround of these positive qualities 🙂
May I suggest googling “Boston mural map” and taking your date (and yourself!) on a tour of murals on *walls* in the area? You can enjoy some public art, learn about some new areas of the city, and discover new-to-you artists!
Your Wall is a romantic. I do believe in “true love”, though not to be confused with “perfect love”.
I’m thinking maybe you asked about this before? My advice is the same: don’t overthink it, just ask her.
Extend to yourself the same kindness, generosity of spirit, and forgiveness you would extend to others.
Either the truth (your actual age) or if you’re worried about identity theft or security for other reasons, an age very close to your age but inaccurate, or if you’re trying to appear older, add a few years, or trying to appear younger, subtract a few years. If you’re planning on potential long-term relationships, I recommend some proximity to the truth, because untruth (even small ones) make a terrible foundation for trusting relationships.
Assuming that all participants are adults and the relationship is consensual, there isn’t much biological reason to avoid sex with distant cousins, even if it were to result in offspring. There may be some negative response from others depending on your culture and the degree of distance; different cultures have different incest taboos.
I miss people watching too, it’s such a messed-up year. I think right now I’d recommend looking anywhere but clubs. Tinder is doing some stuff with video right now, but if you’re not into dating apps the old school advice is to do things you really enjoy where you can meet new people. Likely outdoors or online.
The first thing to keep in mind is that their selfishness, though it may cause problems for you and for others, is their problem, not yours. You aren’t obligated to change them, and you don’t need to take their selfishness personally. Think of it like bad weather: it may cause you problems, but it isn’t personal, and you often can’t do much about it. The next thing is to set clear boundaries. Selfish people will often push or manipulate you into doing things you later resent or regret. You can say no. You can even say no over and over again. You can also put some distance between you and them. Sometimes that’s not an easy option: it’s a family member, a boss, a friend of a friend, someone that’s hard to avoid. You always have a right to set limits, though, and if someone’s selfishness is harmful, keep yourself safe by getting away from them.
National Coming Out Day is celebrated on October 11th in many countries. It may be different where you are, so you might need to do a little searching to see if it falls on a different day. Also, if a different day works better for you, go for it- I doubt your mother will care what day you tell her. Regarding your ideas for telling your mother, you should do what is right for you, but because you are questioning it, I think you may be complicating it. I would forget the “how” of telling your mother and focus on the “what” you want to tell her. I recommend writing it down so you are clear what you want to say. You can then use it to prepare for the talk, or you could just read it to her. I do not recommend leaving it for her to read at a time when you are not right there to answer her questions. That seems a little unfair to her, and you lose the ability to explain anything she might misunderstand.
It is best not to assume what she knows and doesn’t know. You should tell her what you want her to know and answer any questions she has. It is also okay if you don’t have answers to her questions- this is all new to you, and it’s fine to be uncertain.
I always assume I don’t know the whole story, and the person telling it knows it better than me. But you’re right, I think, that it’s a distraction to dwell too much on the details of delivery. Much love to anyone who takes a risk like this on a foundational relationship. It’s hard. It’s necessary, but it’s hard. I wish for all children coming out to parents all the courage and support they need.
There are so many ways to come out to family and friends- the best way is whatever feels right to you. Regardless of how you tell people, they don’t all need to know at the same time. As you come out to people, make sure you let them know that you need to be the one to let other people know. Many websites have coming out stories, advice and examples, but they represent wide ranges of political and religious viewpoints, so find the ones that feel right to you and ignore the others. I do recommend looking at the pflag.org site- they provide information for LGBTQ+ folks as well as for parents and allies.
While you may not like explaining your feelings, I think expressing your thoughts could help with the misunderstandings you’re dealing with. Ideally, if you and those who misunderstand you can find some common ground, things can improve.
For those of a certain age it was 90 Bedford St, New York, NY 10014 in the West Village. For those even more of a certain age it was Z, double O, M, Box 3-5-O, Boston, Mass. 0-2-1-3-4. But maybe that’s not the kind of thing you’re talking about? Facebook claims to provide “friends,” but I’m dubious. Some humans I know speak wistfully about a place called MySpace. I’ve seen many people greet each other with friendly waves in my home, the O’Neill Library lobby at Boston College. I think the address is wherever you are.
Be (gently) honest with him and manage expectations. Let him know that (barring a true emergency) you need time for – whatever else you do – but also let him know when you are available and that you want to be there for him. But you can’t make him happy; that’s on him.
