Answering questions at Boston College O’Neill Library
Sounds like she might be going through some self-doubt. Some of the ways you can support her through this are by reinforcing a positive body image and asking her about the things she loves in life. If she seems unresponsive, you can always contact BC’s counseling services for help (or encourage her to contact them): 617-552-3310. It’s free. Good luck, friend! The Wall is here for you.
BC Dining loves to get feedback – I’d contact them at bit.ly/BCDiningComment My helper tells me there are good low/no fat options available at the salad bar in Lower. I hope you’re able to find food that meets your needs!
You’re telling yourself two stories: one about your own shortcomings and one about your friend’s successes. A story about shortcomings is just an unfinished story about successes. You’re putting endings in the wrong places, that’s all. In stories about your friend you put the endings where things work out. In stories about yourself, you put the endings where things go wrong. Just shuffle your stories around, and keep pushing through until things work out. I think you’ve got what it takes.
Habits can be hard to break, but if you want to change something about yourself, make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons. What does being dramatic do for you? Are there other ways you can get that effect? Here’s a solid outline of an approach you could try: bit.ly/bc-drama
I’m sorry Monster triggers unpleasant memories for you. Taste can be strongly tied to memories. This short article in Science Daily (bit.ly/TasteMemories) explains some of the underlying mechanisms. Maybe get your hydration and caffeination needs met with something else that doesn’t bring you back to a bad time?
It’s fine to be sad sometimes – everyone is – but if you are “too sad” it’s probably time to look for some help to deal with it. Counseling Services has lots of experience helping sad students, so please consider contacting them (bit.ly/BC-counseling or call 2-3310). The Wall hope you find more joy very soon and is rooting for you.
Not every day – at least, I’m not happy all the time. It’s probably not realistic or sustainable to always be happy. Being happier in general might be a reasonable goal, and you’re in luck; Happiness Research has taken off as a field in this century. A search in our catalog under the subject “happiness” might be a good place to start, including: “The calculus of happiness : how a mathematical approach to life adds up to health, wealth, and love” QA93 .F467 2017.
It’s also possible your mojo is working, but just not working for the purpose you want. Like Muddy Waters, you might explore either going to Louisiana to get a mojo “hand,” or consulting with a Roma soothsayer: bit.ly/mojo-working. (At the very least, listening to his music should spark some mojo.) You might also try the unacknowledged queen of the blues, Ida Cox, who sang about mojo way back in 1927, and later sang about how wild women don’t have the blues: bit.ly/wild-women. Ida’s advice: “You never get nothing by being an angel child/ You better change your ways and get real wild.” Another way to think about mojo is a variant on “lean in”: are you avoiding something? Don’t run away from it; move closer, and turn fear into excitement.
Sigh… I’m sad that you’re in a situation where going and staying both seem hard. But know that you aren’t alone in this predicament; it’s something everyone has to face at some point, one way or another. As Joe Strummer of the Clash so succinctly put it, “Should I stay or should I go now?/ If I go, there will be trouble/ And if I stay it will be double.” Whatever you do, don’t be hasty, and talk it through with a lot of people. Sometimes growth means persisting, and sometimes growth requires a change. If you don’t have anyone to talk to, try Counseling Services (bit.ly/BC-counseling) or Academic Advising (bit.ly/BC-advising), depending on the nature of the decision you’re facing. And if you need to vent, especially if the conundrum is romantic, I recommend the Clash on volume 11: bit.ly/clash-should-I
Yes! Counseling Services is open for the summer Mondays – Thursdays, 8:45 a.m. – 4:45 p.m. and Fridays, 8:45 a.m. – 2:45 p.m. They can be reached by calling 617-552-3310, by going to their website (bit.ly/BC-counseling), or by going to their office in Gasson 001. If you need/want to talk with someone outside of those hours you can call BC Police at 617-552-4444 and they will connect you with someone off hours. Please call. There are times when everyone needs to talk with someone and Counseling Services is here to support you during this time.
Being is definitely better than not being. Please recall that this quote, in Act III, Scene 1 of Hamlet, was asked by a young man who suspected that his mother and stepfather had arranged the murder of his father. He was thinking that not-being would “end/ The heartache and the thousand natural shocks/ That flesh is heir to.” If you’re suffering heartache that makes you think about not being, please get help immediately: call the counseling office at 617-552-3310 (8:45-4:45 M-F) and ask to speak to the Psychological Emergency Clinician (PEC), or visit the office in person in Gasson 001. (If you’re just quoting Shakespeare’s Hamlet to show your appreciation for a fine play, here’s a 3-minute version you might find entertaining: bit.ly/3-minute-hamlet. Click “show more” for the lyrics, so you can understand the thick Glasgow accent.)
To paraphrase Oscar Wilde: The only thing worse than writing is not writing. I think I’d say they’re comparable but different in quality, not just degree. The pain of writing is equivalent to the pain of stumbling blindly through the dark. The pain of not writing is the pain of avoiding doing the thing you know must be done, which only grows bigger the longer you avoid it. The pain of re-reading is the pain of your own vulnerability magnified by self-doubt. Offset the first by taking breaks as rewards, the second by setting a schedule, and the third by telling your internal critics to enjoy a vacation. It also helps to find a friendly, trusted audience, even of one. I look forward to hearing about what you’ve written!
As a wall, I am fortunate not to have to contend with sleepiness, but I know that it can make any type of project more difficult. There are a few ways to deal with being tired in the face of a looming deadline. One of the most common responses is to drink a caffeinated beverage (coffee, tea, soda, etc.). While that might be a popular option, it isn’t a great longterm solution. When you are tired, sleep is the most effective cure. If the deadline is truly immediate, such as within the next few hours, try taking a brief “power nap,” which some research (such as http://bit.ly/BCSleep) suggests can be effective. If your deadline is a bit further in the future, you really can’t beat the benefits of a set sleep schedule. When planning the timeline for your work, factor in consistent and reasonable amounts of sleep and stick to your schedule. Some phones and other devices can even be set up to remind you when you should go to sleep so that you establish the optimal sleep schedule. Good luck!
Cannabis is used in cancer treatment to help with pain and nausea from chemotherapy, not as a cure. The short version: bit.ly/bc-mj. If you want more technical detail, you can look at the clinician’s summary of the current literature: bit.ly/bc-mj2.
I’m not sure how you made it to college without learning this critical stage in human development, but the mechanics are fairly simple. Find a toilet, sit, and wait. It will eventually happen. Then wipe. And wash your hands. If you used to do this regularly but are now having trouble, University Health Services can suggest some over-the-counter remedies. If you need inspiration, check out Everyone Poops from the Educational Resource Center – bit.ly/book-poop
Yes, this seems like it is bad. IAAWNAP, but I would argue both that you deserve more than this, and that if he is placing his use of substances over his relationships, it’s a red flag that he should consider seeking help about it. Why not contact Counseling Services (bit.ly/BC-counseling) and running your question by them?
Unfortunately, once you have had sex and lost your virginity, there is no way to get your virginity “back”. However, you always have the option of becoming a “born again virgin” and remaining celibate from this point until you feel you are ready to engage in intercourse again, such as waiting until you are in love or married.
He should be listening to you about what you like and what you don’t. Talk about what works for you on your own, or explore together if you don’t know. Dump him if he’s not interested in learning. If you’d like some reading material, the BC Libraries don’t have a great collection on sex instruction, but you can try searching for that in Worldcat (bc.on.worldcat.org) and have it delivered by interlibrary loan, or in the Boston Public Library, where all students are eligible for library cards (bpl.bibliocommons.com).
Students often feel more pressure during finals; after all, this is the last chance to shine and everyone wants to do well. It can become a downward spiral though: staying up all night, not eating well, focusing on failing, being distracted. This online article from Time (ti.me/2I4UL0U) has some simple and good tips for surviving finals week. (A visit with the therapy dogs can be beneficial too.) So while they may be the WORST, the Wall has faith that you will do your best and you will survive finals. And remember, I and my assistants are here to support you!
Hanging out here in O’Neill day in, day out, midterms and exam weeks, I’ve seen some serious distress, for sure. There’s no denying college stress can get to you. There are lots of ways we can help to alleviate some of that, with everything from therapy dogs to referrals to the Connors Family Learning Center for academic coaching, or the Counseling Center for guidance. I hope people know they can ask for help, and maybe avoid a breakdown.
