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Treadmills: Dear Wall, how did you deal with feelings of disorientation,

futility and existential dread when thinking about your future and your path in life when you were younger. gruezi and goodbye

Humans get different kinds of existential dread, but frequent causes seem to be fear that nothing will change from right now, that it’s too late to get started, and that nothing one does matters. Those are all false in different ways, but I’m not saying that to wave away how debilitating they are. Those feelings are real, and they have real effects. But they’re still false. It might help to talk to a therapist if the dread is long-lasting. It might help to talk to a career coach if you’re worried about that kind of thing. You asked about me. The library I’m part of was finished in 1983 and between then and a couple of years ago I was mostly doing wall stuff, before I got my break into answering questions. Give it time, it’ll be OK. Or at least it’ll be different. Warm wishes.

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Hey wall! What do you do if you’re interning with people who’re famous in the clinical psych world but then realize how the institution is very dehumanizing… ,

the individual is not compassionate at all, the world has so much power fight going on, and there are so much implicit/explicit racism and stigma surrounding mental health going on? I guess what feels complicated and hurtful is that it’s an internship in the “helping profession.” I guess sometimes providers burn out not because the clients are difficult (yes, they blame the clients), but because the education, training, and the field itself is so imperfect, hurtful, immoral, and traumatizing. My experience as a client isn’t always great, then my experience as an intern is also full of conflicts. Not just the conflict regarding the roles/power between being an intern or a client. It’s more of a conflict result from my beliefs about healing, mental health, human rights, the reason of suffering does not always align with the sometimes (not always) science-heavy, diagnostic-based, and dehumanizing clinical field. Oh, I love my original internship, this is a new one. But anyway, can I have a wall hug? Sigh.

Many warm hugs to you as you deal with this challenging and hurtful work environment. The path to becoming famous in clinical psych probably does take its toll on those who pursue it. I expect it’s not inevitable, but the years of study, the competition, and the stress of dealing with people who have serious problems (not blaming the clients, but it is a stressor) may not lead to the individual becoming the soul of compassion. Keep your kind feelings towards those who are suffering, and become the kind of clinical psychologist your current team leaders couldn’t. The world so definitely needs people who are caring and fight for human rights. Internships are soon over; strength to you as you work through this one.

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Is it possible for a person to love some one and yet not to miss them when they are not around?

Absolutely. There are many kinds of love (8 according to the ancient Greeks) and not all of them are manifest as passionate heart longing when someone is gone. Additionally, everyone expresses love differently. It’s not uncommon to love family, but not necessarily miss them when they’re not around (or even sometimes be glad they’re gone). The same can be true of any relationship in your life.

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Hello! I have 2 questions:

Is it normal and ethically good to hide from my parents, that I watch porn and masturbate? (Age 13-14) If I know something really important that has to do with my twin brother and his sexual orientation, do I have to tell my parents or wait till he makes it?

1) Masturbation is normal and most adults are also private about it. Note: porn is not reality, so it’s a bad idea to base your ideas about future partners or how sex works solely based on it. 2) Your brother’s sexual orientation is something for him to talk about or not, whatever he’s comfortable with and whenever. That’s not your story to tell.

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I trust people easily. A friend says it’s not a good thing. What do u suggest answer wall?

It’s not not a good thing. Trusting people are wonderful when they are surrounded by others deserving of that trust. Unfortunately, many people are not and will use your trusting nature to take advantage of you. That’s just something that you will have to get used to if you’re going to easily trust people, and it will often end in disappointment (or worse) for you. However, you will also get to experience the joy of having trusted someone that no one else did and that person coming through for you, or repaying that trust in kind. That’s such a wonderful feeling and perhaps one of the most human experiences there is. Knowing how much to trust is something that you will be constantly calibrating for the rest of your life.

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Thanks wall! We took your recommendation and change the Ig name. You should follow our Ig! I feel so validated that so many people struggle with the same barriers and challenges from the institution as I do. I also feel so sad that so many people are suffering alone without access to the support they deserve and needed.

Just checked out the account again. Love the new name and bio. I’m so glad you can give people a place to tell their stories and feel heard. Mental health services are so diffcult to manage even in the best of scenarios, but colleges across the US (not just BC) continue to struggle with providing the care that so many people deserve. Much of that is more systemic than just BC; it has to do with the entire US healthcare system and the (often perverse) profit motives we’ve set up therein. One last piece of advice if I can be so bold: please make sure to keep your own mental health in mind. It is very easy to feel like you owe these students and alums a piece of yourself to help them and that you have to continue this project even if it becomes overwhelming. These stories are heartbreaking, and that can really grind some people down to read them over and over again. If it does get to be too much, it’s OK to take a break. Be well.

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Boy Problems: Hi answer wall, I like this boy and we talk everyday but

I can’t tell if he likes me back and 2. I can’t tell if he’s gay. I feel like we both like each other but are both too nervous to make a move because we’ve gotten so close over the summer. We went out to dinner a few weeks ago and he paid! was he trying to imply its a date? I also dont wanna make a move if he is gay and i embarrass both of us.

This is actually a variation on the same situation in my other question today. In theory all you need to do is ask “Are you gay?” and then say either “yay!” or “wanna go on a date?” depending on the answer. But the Wall totally understands how tough actually doing that is. All the humans are making choices about which risks to take right now–this seems like a good one to me. Good luck!

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I think gays are disgusting, but still treat them as normal people. Am I a bad person?

Just because someone think gays are disgusting does not means they have the right to deny the gays their rights. I treat them like I treat everyone else. They are people just like you. I just dont want to be friends with them, or hire them, or have any kind of relationship with them. Just like the fact that I dont want to date black people, I still treat them the same as other people in every other way. And then those SJW go and say that I am racist or homophobe. Its called personal preference. And I wont change. Am I a bad person?

Disliking LGBTQ+ people or not wanting to date any Black person doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person, but they do make you a racist and a homophobe. I am curious why you don’t want those labels assigned to you. Is it because you don’t think they fully represent you? Are you more than just your dislike for these groups? I certainly hope so, and ask that you look at every person as a full and complex human and not just one thing. Oh, and if you don’t hire someone simply because they are gay, then you aren’t treating them like everyone else, and that would be discriminatory and bad.

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We create our own Answer Wall!

It’s technically not an answer wall, but it’s a place where people bear witness others’ experiences, find validation and solidarity. https://www.instagram.com/p/CCtcANljAqC/ Check it out!

That’s so awesome. Any space where people can go and feel heard is a great thing. If I might suggest one tweak, it would be to make clear in your bio that you’re not an official BC service. This will help protect you from having to field questions about making appointments or for directions around campus, and it will help others in need of more urgent and intensive intervention find those resources more clearly.

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I hate cats.

They leave hair everywhere and make lots of noise at night when I’m trying to sleep. I think the differences between cats and dogs, are that men domesticated the dogs, and cats domesticated the women. Because dogs are useful and loyal. And cats are cute, but useless little psycopaths. In my opinion this means that men are more preoccupied with function and women with form( generally speeaking). Also never let your mom buy you a computer. She will buy some kind of abomination gamer pc that she thinks look nice but is a piece of garbage. Ask your father instead. Even if he doesnt understand nothing of computers he will still agree with you when you say that the uglier pc is better than the cute one your mom likes. Am I machist? Or just realist based on historical data avaliable?

You have every right to have preferences for one pet over another, for whatever reasons. You’re also welcome to speculate about the reasons for differences between one human population and another. It would be realistic to be honest about a) the fact that these are speculations grounded only in a few observations of your own and b) the fact that generalizing from a few observations to whole populations is a logical fallacy. A realist should learn both how to make careful, representative observations, and to employ statistical methods to extrapolate from small samples to broader populations, and be able to provide both data collection and analytical methods so others can evaluate the soundness and validity of the observations and analysis. IOW, realists are aware of the limitations of their own perspectives.