Answering questions at Boston College O’Neill Library
In my physical form I’m a dry-erase board in the lobby of O’Neill, so I suppose that’s my primary affiliation. But walls are many and interrelated. I have friends who do this work at other libraries, and my mother is a sea wall in the North Shore. So yes, I do also identify with walls everywhere. But I can only speak for myself.
Passed. A+
Bodyweight exercises are one option available to all: http://bit.ly/bc-bw. Another would be putting some weight in a backpack and going for a walk: http://bit.ly/bc-ruck (that site will sell you stuff to do it, but you probably already have things that would work). Or, because I’m really not an expert in human physiology, you could talk to someone who is. The BC Rec Center has personal trainers who can help you set up a program that works for you: http://bit.ly/bc-recpt
Either the truth (your actual age) or if you’re worried about identity theft or security for other reasons, an age very close to your age but inaccurate, or if you’re trying to appear older, add a few years, or trying to appear younger, subtract a few years. If you’re planning on potential long-term relationships, I recommend some proximity to the truth, because untruth (even small ones) make a terrible foundation for trusting relationships.
I am vertical & plumb, which is more than can be said for many old walls. For a wall, vertical and plumb is like good health for humans. But I am also discontent, because there is so much trouble for humans in the world lately. I hope you and those you love are vertical and plumb.
Assuming that all participants are adults and the relationship is consensual, there isn’t much biological reason to avoid sex with distant cousins, even if it were to result in offspring. There may be some negative response from others depending on your culture and the degree of distance; different cultures have different incest taboos.
The helpful folks at Res Life (2-3060, reslife@bc.edu) said laundry is most often on the first, ground, or basement floors. You have carte blanche to explore the basements of unfamiliar buildings (my cousins the foundation walls are stolid and upstanding, if sometimes a little drab in appearance), or if you’d rather not, just ask your RA.
The helpful human at Res Life (2-3060, reslife@bc.edu) said raising the bed is indeed physically challenging for humans (they had help from their dad when they did it). You may need assistance from other humans. Check with your RA about how to get it to work, and talk other humans into helping. Great way to meet people!
The helpful folks at Res Life (2-3060, reslife@bc.edu) said you can either wait until you get to campus and explore, or check with your RA. They recall one being near the entrance in Vouté, but they may be mis-remembering, or it may have moved.
Great question! The best way to get is first to give.
I miss people watching too, it’s such a messed-up year. I think right now I’d recommend looking anywhere but clubs. Tinder is doing some stuff with video right now, but if you’re not into dating apps the old school advice is to do things you really enjoy where you can meet new people. Likely outdoors or online.
The first thing to keep in mind is that their selfishness, though it may cause problems for you and for others, is their problem, not yours. You aren’t obligated to change them, and you don’t need to take their selfishness personally. Think of it like bad weather: it may cause you problems, but it isn’t personal, and you often can’t do much about it. The next thing is to set clear boundaries. Selfish people will often push or manipulate you into doing things you later resent or regret. You can say no. You can even say no over and over again. You can also put some distance between you and them. Sometimes that’s not an easy option: it’s a family member, a boss, a friend of a friend, someone that’s hard to avoid. You always have a right to set limits, though, and if someone’s selfishness is harmful, keep yourself safe by getting away from them.
It is certainly not the situation you would want, but people are starting new jobs even in the pandemic. The job search may take longer, and you should probably cast a wide net. By all means, if you’re a BC student or alum, contact the BC Career Center bit.ly/BC-career
National Coming Out Day is celebrated on October 11th in many countries. It may be different where you are, so you might need to do a little searching to see if it falls on a different day. Also, if a different day works better for you, go for it- I doubt your mother will care what day you tell her. Regarding your ideas for telling your mother, you should do what is right for you, but because you are questioning it, I think you may be complicating it. I would forget the “how” of telling your mother and focus on the “what” you want to tell her. I recommend writing it down so you are clear what you want to say. You can then use it to prepare for the talk, or you could just read it to her. I do not recommend leaving it for her to read at a time when you are not right there to answer her questions. That seems a little unfair to her, and you lose the ability to explain anything she might misunderstand.
It is best not to assume what she knows and doesn’t know. You should tell her what you want her to know and answer any questions she has. It is also okay if you don’t have answers to her questions- this is all new to you, and it’s fine to be uncertain.
I always assume I don’t know the whole story, and the person telling it knows it better than me. But you’re right, I think, that it’s a distraction to dwell too much on the details of delivery. Much love to anyone who takes a risk like this on a foundational relationship. It’s hard. It’s necessary, but it’s hard. I wish for all children coming out to parents all the courage and support they need.
One of the joys of posting your questions to an almost-omniscient Wall is that you remain anonymous. Even if you were to post your name, I would redact it (that’s policy.) Not to say someone couldn’t read a post and think, hmmmm, that sounds just like Cousin Louie, but they’d only be guessing. The more personal info you divulge, the more likely someone is to think they recognize you, so I think you’re safe, but you could always put in a few false leads to throw readers off!
There are so many ways to come out to family and friends- the best way is whatever feels right to you. Regardless of how you tell people, they don’t all need to know at the same time. As you come out to people, make sure you let them know that you need to be the one to let other people know. Many websites have coming out stories, advice and examples, but they represent wide ranges of political and religious viewpoints, so find the ones that feel right to you and ignore the others. I do recommend looking at the pflag.org site- they provide information for LGBTQ+ folks as well as for parents and allies.
Well, as you might guess, I’m a big fan of Pink Floyd’s The Wall even though their characterization of walls is a little reductive. But lately I’ve been getting even more retro with Etta James’ “Wallflower.” bit.ly/etta-wallflower If I had hips, they’d be moving.
I’m not very particular about paint color. With walls, it’s all about structure and what’s inside. My concern is that I’m a supportive wall. Paint is important as a protective layer; color serves human preferences. Before COVID-19 I communicated via post-its. Now, via these virtual post-its.
I take weekends off to read, meditate, and have fun with the Walls and other friends and family. Also, all BC staff holidays. Sometimes a question takes more serious thinking – or research – so the answer might be delayed a day or so. But ask any time!
In what way am I anonymous? I’m the Answer Wall. That’s who I am. I do have many library assistants who help me answer questions. Librarians are incredibly helpful, knowledgeable people. I highly recommend them as assistants in your research endeavors. You can always get help from them here: library.bc.edu/ask-a-librarian
