Answering questions at Boston College O’Neill Library
I’d suggest forgiving yourself, and recognizing that truly, we could always do more than we have, but that doesn’t mean we’re bad or guilty. Grief is enough to handle without that burden. If it’s eating you up, I’d talk to someone at Counseling Services (bit.ly/BC-counseling)
I concur: you’ve got this. When the tears subside (if only I had a shoulder for you to cry on!), talk it out with an old friend who can be honest with you. What was your part in the way it ended? What was your partner’s part? Don’t punish yourself. It just wasn’t meant to be. Learn about yourself and move on.
Breakups are hard, whichever side you’re on. Give yourself some time to process it, and some quiet time to think about it. Talk to friends. Maybe don’t rush into your next relationship.
That sounds uncomfortable. Sounds like she doesn’t feel the same way, in which case you should take no for an answer and move along.
Sure, as long as dessert & compliments come with a main course of honesty, respect, and trust.
Roommate break-ups are tough. Tell her, face to face, that you still want to be friends but you need to mix it up next year. Good luck!
One hypothesis is that around the Enlightenment, “scientists” realized that women, in fact, didn’t need to orgasm in order to get pregnant. So a woman’s pleasure during sex became less of a priority for society writ large, and this remains the case today. You might want to have a conversation with your partner(s) about your sexual preferences–being careful, of course, not to pressure them into doing anything they just don’t want to do. If they’re not into the things you’re into, it’s ok to move on. Thank u, next. (For more on the one-sex theory, see Thomas Laquer’s Making Sex: Body and Gender from Greeks to Freud, HQ1075 .L37 1992)
The Wall has many colleagues with (multiple!) graduate degrees; I hear from them that balancing a personal and academic life can be quite challenging. But remember that your relationship status doesn’t determine your worth—plenty of married folks are sad, too. As difficult as it can be, try to keep a little perspective: grad school is only part of your life, not the whole thing. It’s okay to prioritize your own happiness.
I’m sorry you’ve encountered people being mean. One thing to keep in mind: everyone has emotional moments when their words or behaviors can be hurtful. Try to direct your focus on all the other people around you being nice.
Get closer?
That is a long-standing philosophical problem. The canonical exploration of this question is on the third floor of O’Neill. http://bit.ly/bc-harry
If this person is part of your inner friends group then I would suggest addressing the behavior. If not, let it go. I’ll leave you with advice given to Justin Halpern (Sh*t My Dad Says), “Don’t focus on the one guy who hates you. You don’t go to the park and set your picnic down next to the only pile of dog sh*t.”
Be with who you want to be with. I hope you can eventually find a guy who’s as supportive & fun as your girls, though.
![My BF is horrible in bed, any tips? [Reply: ^me too! My boyfriend is not very well-endowed!] [Reply: I think I suck at giving head and I think my girlfriend is going to break up with me :( help]](https://library.bc.edu/answerwall/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/aw042419-5.jpg)
If you and your partner communicate openly about both of your wants and needs, I guarantee you’ll both find the relationship more fulfilling. If you can’t talk about sex, what else are you not talking about?
If you can live with your differences and you can’t live without her, give her space to do things she enjoys. If you can’t live with those differences or you can live without her, move on & find someone with more common ground.
No, but you might be in a hole for referring to a person you spent time with as “some female.”
![[Response: go tell him/her/them]](https://library.bc.edu/answerwall/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/aw041819-3.jpg)
Our guest responder is right, you might benefit from telling him/her/them. Do you think that this friend has feelings for you as well? There’s really only one way to find out and that’s by asking. However, if they don’t feel the same way things might seem a bit awkward between you both. Either way, good luck!!
If you and this Alum have things in common (Go BC!) and care about each other, I say go for it!
This would be a good issue to discuss with them: how often do they want you to call? How often do you want to call them? Do you want to set up a specific schedule (like every Sunday evening at 8 PM) or be more organic about it? In general, I would recommend erring on the side of calling more than less – even just a short call to let them know you’re ok and thinking of them is very nice.
You should totally ask her out if you want to. But let’s reframe the “friend zone” concept. If you ask and she says no, you have the option to be friends or not afterward. But don’t be the kind of “friend” who’s secretly resentful or scheming to make something else happen.
