Answering questions at Boston College O’Neill Library
If you’re scared you’ll never see him again, it sounds like you haven’t lost the spark. He’s the same person, facial hair or no. If you made the mistake of rejecting him for beardlessness & now regret it, ask for forgiveness. If no regrets, move on.
Love him in whatever way he wants to be loved. That’s true for anyone–you can’t force someone to love you if they want something or someone else more.
As a Wall I’m pretty comfortable with people reflecting things on me, it goes with the territory.
I would go the “I am not a doctor” (IANAD) route and not diagnose him, but gently bring up the symptoms that you’ve noticed, tell him they alarm you, and suggest he might want to ask his doctor (or see University Health Services (bit.ly/BostonCollegeHealth) about it. It’s good that you’re making the effort to do this; sleep apnea is no joking matter!
Don’t.
Maybe the OP qualifies as that strange online activity I’ve heard about called “trolling”: IOW, provocation for fun.
You live there too, so make arrangements that accommodate everyone’s needs. As for them using your bed- gross! I wonder if you meticulously make up your bed (e.g. military-style), they might find it too hard to hide the evidence and just move to another location.
Talk to your RA or RD for guidance. If at any time you feel like you are at risk, call BC Police at 617-552-4444.
On the one hand, many people are uncomfortable navigating the tricky terrain of a friendship that turns romantic. On the other hand, a romantic relationship with friendship at its base can be a very strong, long-lasting one, with a rare degree of trust and openness. Make the invitation, but give your friend as much room (and time!) as they need to answer, with the knowledge that they may say no. If you give them this freedom and are genuinely willing to accept “no,” it’s unlikely you’ll jeopardize your friendship.
We are always all awash in feelings whether or not we acknowledge them. The key is to be aware of them as they happen, and willing to experience and observe without holding on. A meditation practice can help, as can getting perspective from a conversation with a trusted confidante, which can be a friend, a relative, or even a therapist or counselor. bit.ly/BC-counseling
Hm, humans all need to be listened to and acknowledged. So I listen carefully, and after some mindful reflection, I respond.
Try to build in distance from that person. And stop following your crush so closely on social media–virtual distance is critical. My helpers tell me it is possible to move from the obsession stage to the being very fond of someone stage, but not crushing on them.
I’d suggest forgiving yourself, and recognizing that truly, we could always do more than we have, but that doesn’t mean we’re bad or guilty. Grief is enough to handle without that burden. If it’s eating you up, I’d talk to someone at Counseling Services (bit.ly/BC-counseling)
I concur: you’ve got this. When the tears subside (if only I had a shoulder for you to cry on!), talk it out with an old friend who can be honest with you. What was your part in the way it ended? What was your partner’s part? Don’t punish yourself. It just wasn’t meant to be. Learn about yourself and move on.
Breakups are hard, whichever side you’re on. Give yourself some time to process it, and some quiet time to think about it. Talk to friends. Maybe don’t rush into your next relationship.
That sounds uncomfortable. Sounds like she doesn’t feel the same way, in which case you should take no for an answer and move along.
Sure, as long as dessert & compliments come with a main course of honesty, respect, and trust.
Roommate break-ups are tough. Tell her, face to face, that you still want to be friends but you need to mix it up next year. Good luck!
One hypothesis is that around the Enlightenment, “scientists” realized that women, in fact, didn’t need to orgasm in order to get pregnant. So a woman’s pleasure during sex became less of a priority for society writ large, and this remains the case today. You might want to have a conversation with your partner(s) about your sexual preferences–being careful, of course, not to pressure them into doing anything they just don’t want to do. If they’re not into the things you’re into, it’s ok to move on. Thank u, next. (For more on the one-sex theory, see Thomas Laquer’s Making Sex: Body and Gender from Greeks to Freud, HQ1075 .L37 1992)
The Wall has many colleagues with (multiple!) graduate degrees; I hear from them that balancing a personal and academic life can be quite challenging. But remember that your relationship status doesn’t determine your worth—plenty of married folks are sad, too. As difficult as it can be, try to keep a little perspective: grad school is only part of your life, not the whole thing. It’s okay to prioritize your own happiness.
I’m sorry you’ve encountered people being mean. One thing to keep in mind: everyone has emotional moments when their words or behaviors can be hurtful. Try to direct your focus on all the other people around you being nice.
