Answering questions at Boston College O’Neill Library
You don’t have to achieve a state of perfection – people continue to grow throughout life. If you are willing to be open and keep the other person’s best interests in mind, you are ready. But maybe take things slow if you are unsure.
Be yourself. It’s scary when you want a certain outcome, but talking to girls is not really different from talking to anyone else. Start a conversation about anything and don’t worry too much.
I’m sorry you’re in that place; breakups are painful. The passage of time, and new interests (not necessarily new love interests) will help make the misery fade. Be kind to yourself!
I am not a poet, however many others who are have written poems you might like. Take a look at Seamus Heaney’s “Scaffolding,” Joy Harjo’s “For Keeps,” and Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s “How Do I Love Thee?” And maybe, if none of these are quite what you want, you could write the poem you’re hoping for.
Oh, I hope you can lose the guilt. I expect your family is so proud to have you at BC. It is just a brief moment in time; you have a lifetime of opportunities ahead to give back and pay it forward; to your family who has supported you, to your own kids if you have them, and to the larger world.
Making friends can be hard – you’re not alone. If it is distressing you, you could talk with someone at University Counseling (bit.ly/BC-counseling) or sign up for Wellness Coaching at bit.ly/BC-wellness-coach (building meaningful relationships is one of their target topics.)
Don’t be chismosa! Even though it must have been a huge shock, this is something you need to work out with your BF between the two of you.
Right?!? It’s wild to imagine that kind of drama unfolding right here. But it could also be evidence that there’s a whole lot of exploration going on. I hope people are able to be emotionally honest with themselves and others and avoid hurting each other unnecessarily.
I think that falling for your straight best friend is basically a queer rite of passage. I’m sorry you’re currently in the middle of it, but it will pass and someday it’ll probably be a funny anecdote you tell.
Right?!? It’s wild to imagine that kind of drama unfolding right here. But it could also be evidence that there’s a whole lot of exploration going on. I hope people are able to be emotionally honest with themselves and others and avoid hurting each other unnecessarily.
If you aren’t even getting 5 hours of sleep, that could be impeding your luck in finding a special someone. So, I’d advise addressing that first The Center for Student Wellness has many resources on improving sleep and you can also get individual wellness coaching.
Be completely honest and transparent. This will work if and only if they’re in agreement.
Indeed, be honest and transparent about your intentions!
Maybe? I encourage you to gather more data.
Recognize the reality of your emotions: that you are experiencing the loss of an imagined future, which is no small thing. Spend time with friends. Have faith that the feelings will subside if you’re willing to let go.
Why lose a friend just because they didn’t work as a romantic partner? I’d say, go with it, unless it doesn’t work out for one or both of you.
I am so sorry you’re experiencing this! As you said, friends that do that are not real friends indeed. There are many friendly fish in the sea who will like and believe in the person you are today, and plenty of friendships still to be made. Focus on cultivating new friendships, and being kind to yourself during this time. However– for some literary distraction/dramatic catharsis, the Count of Monte Cristo knows all about being churned through the rumor mill… bit.ly/3ECvtC1
Your Mileage May Vary, but if you take part in the kind of activities that are interesting and meaningful to you, if you find the courage to talk to people, and you live your values, you will have done what you can to make it happen.
Any narrowly defined persona or body type is going to be rare because narrow definitions are necessarily exclusionary. Most people blend into many different “types” and therefore can’t be labeled as any one thing. Broaden your expectations, and you will likely find many interesting people wherever you look.
Starting in October you’re going to want to begin collecting sticks and other nesting material. Gifts of food are welcome. You’ll probably want to practice your vocalization, and it may be a good idea to stretch out your lower back. https://bit.ly/3EfcIoe
Be your authentic self. I am sure you will attract someone who is equally authentic.
I am sooo sorry to hear that. I am sure that you have plenty of qualities to be proud of and I hope you will eventually be able to recognize that. If you are looking to be in a relationship at this time maybe finding the right person could help you discover and be pround of these positive qualities 🙂
May I suggest googling “Boston mural map” and taking your date (and yourself!) on a tour of murals on *walls* in the area? You can enjoy some public art, learn about some new areas of the city, and discover new-to-you artists!
Your Wall is a romantic. I do believe in “true love”, though not to be confused with “perfect love”.
