Category: Relationships

Um, gross. Perhaps a more respectful tone would serve you better.

First, go ahead and listen to songs about heartbreak and cry. Then find completeness within yourself. Options: friends, religion, mindfulness meditation, therapy, lots of ice-cream… or just learning to enjoy who you are and what you do without looking for validation from other people. You have my sympathy. If you really can’t shake it, counseling services have some better suggestions: bit.ly/BC-counseling

Be yourself! Get to know people: chat with people in your class while waiting for the professor. Offer to buy someone coffee or share a table at lunch. Join a few clubs and get to know everyone. The more people you get to know, the more likely you’ll find someone special. Oh, one final thing: did you ever notice how it’s hard to talk to someone when their staring at their phone? That ‘s true for people trying to talk to you, too. Make yourself accessible.

I’m sorry a boy did something that aggravated you. People are prone to be aggravating. Here are some ways to be aggravating: lie or exaggerate, do something after being asked to stop, fail to listen, break confidences, mind others’ business, brag, complain unproductively, argue frequently, take credit for someone else’s idea, talk over someone, keep silent about what’s bothering you, explain as if someone else is clueless, make broad indefensible generalizations, forget a date or appointment, assume the worst of someone else’s behavior, be quick to aggravate, pretend innocence after doing something aggravating… do any of these sound familiar? Let’s all make a solemn vow to minimize how much we do these things, & we’ll all get along a little better.

Making friends is very hard – so many things have to go right. As you grow older, you spend less time with a given group of people, and that makes it even harder to find friends. In high school, there’s tons of opportunity to make friends since you’re with (mostly) the same people for hours a day. In college, that’s less true. All you can do is continue to join clubs and put yourself out there. If you’re feeling lonely or depressed, you can also reach out to Counseling Services which might be able to give you more personal advice: bit.ly/BC-counseling.

Many people (including Bill and Hillary Clinton) have found love in a library, so you’re choice of location has promise. Otherwise, picking up someone in a library doesn’t differ much from anywhere else. Make eye contact and determine if the other person is interested in you. If they might be, start a conversation with some general questions to see how interested they really are. Leave the area if you make them uncomfortable (you don’t want to become a stalker). And if you’re trying to pick up a librarian, here are some lines that don’t work (bit.ly/pickup-librarian)

Taking up a new hobby or learning a new skill together can be very refreshing. Maybe try salsa dancing? Learning Icelandic? Also recognizing that while there will always be some fresh things, because we grow and change, constant novelty is not necessarily key to maintaining a relationship; on the flip side you get the richness of shared experience as time goes by.

Try a change of direction or tone: (Short, brunette, nice. AND AWESOME). Add a quirky detail that says what’s different about you from others of similar size, hair color, and tone. Say what kind of photos you like. One memorable detail goes a long way.

I would advise you to be, as much and as often as you can, your authentic awesome self. It’s the sustainable way to live and whether that makes your boyfriend love you so much it drives him crazy is on him.

At BC it seems that people branch out every year & meet new people to add to their social circle, even in senior year! So, don’t feel like it’s too late. One of the best ways to meet new people is to join clubs. Next year go to the Club Fair. Stop by a lot of tables & start going to events. Get involved in Campus Ministry and if you have a faith tradition start attending campus services. You’ll be meeting other people with similar interests and friendships will follow. : )

🙁 Well it may just be possible that you two aren’t a good match. The nice thing about Bumble is that women get to make the first move, so you clearly saw something in him. But it’s possible that he’s not feeling the same way. As you know with Bumble, there are plenty of bees in the hive, so to speak, so you can always keep searching. I know that you will find someone that does love you.

Make a list of things you enjoy doing. Make a list of people you’re acquainted with and/or organizations at BC (bit.ly/BCStudentGroups) or elsewhere (such as meetup.com) that do those things. Join organizations and do those things with them. Introduce yourself to people you’re doing them with. Repeat. When a conversation gets beyond names and weather, that’s a potential friend. Arrange to do something else with them that you both enjoy. Repeat. Celebrate their successes & birthdays, commiserate with their sorrows. Repeat. Suddenly, you realize you’ve been friends for decades. Repeat.

Possibly because they are actual human beings with lives, thoughts, dreams, skills, and issues of their own. Really, who isn’t complicated, once you take a good look? Life is complex and messy, and people reflect that in how they relate to each other. Honesty, conversation, and acceptance can work wonders, but are no guarantee the other party (of any gender) isn’t going to surprise you.