Category: Relationships

Making friends is very hard – so many things have to go right. As you grow older, you spend less time with a given group of people, and that makes it even harder to find friends. In high school, there’s tons of opportunity to make friends since you’re with (mostly) the same people for hours a day. In college, that’s less true. All you can do is continue to join clubs and put yourself out there. If you’re feeling lonely or depressed, you can also reach out to Counseling Services which might be able to give you more personal advice: bit.ly/BC-counseling.

Many people (including Bill and Hillary Clinton) have found love in a library, so you’re choice of location has promise. Otherwise, picking up someone in a library doesn’t differ much from anywhere else. Make eye contact and determine if the other person is interested in you. If they might be, start a conversation with some general questions to see how interested they really are. Leave the area if you make them uncomfortable (you don’t want to become a stalker). And if you’re trying to pick up a librarian, here are some lines that don’t work (bit.ly/pickup-librarian)

Taking up a new hobby or learning a new skill together can be very refreshing. Maybe try salsa dancing? Learning Icelandic? Also recognizing that while there will always be some fresh things, because we grow and change, constant novelty is not necessarily key to maintaining a relationship; on the flip side you get the richness of shared experience as time goes by.

Try a change of direction or tone: (Short, brunette, nice. AND AWESOME). Add a quirky detail that says what’s different about you from others of similar size, hair color, and tone. Say what kind of photos you like. One memorable detail goes a long way.

I would advise you to be, as much and as often as you can, your authentic awesome self. It’s the sustainable way to live and whether that makes your boyfriend love you so much it drives him crazy is on him.

At BC it seems that people branch out every year & meet new people to add to their social circle, even in senior year! So, don’t feel like it’s too late. One of the best ways to meet new people is to join clubs. Next year go to the Club Fair. Stop by a lot of tables & start going to events. Get involved in Campus Ministry and if you have a faith tradition start attending campus services. You’ll be meeting other people with similar interests and friendships will follow. : )

🙁 Well it may just be possible that you two aren’t a good match. The nice thing about Bumble is that women get to make the first move, so you clearly saw something in him. But it’s possible that he’s not feeling the same way. As you know with Bumble, there are plenty of bees in the hive, so to speak, so you can always keep searching. I know that you will find someone that does love you.

Make a list of things you enjoy doing. Make a list of people you’re acquainted with and/or organizations at BC (bit.ly/BCStudentGroups) or elsewhere (such as meetup.com) that do those things. Join organizations and do those things with them. Introduce yourself to people you’re doing them with. Repeat. When a conversation gets beyond names and weather, that’s a potential friend. Arrange to do something else with them that you both enjoy. Repeat. Celebrate their successes & birthdays, commiserate with their sorrows. Repeat. Suddenly, you realize you’ve been friends for decades. Repeat.

Possibly because they are actual human beings with lives, thoughts, dreams, skills, and issues of their own. Really, who isn’t complicated, once you take a good look? Life is complex and messy, and people reflect that in how they relate to each other. Honesty, conversation, and acceptance can work wonders, but are no guarantee the other party (of any gender) isn’t going to surprise you.

You make friends the same way those in any other major do- talk to people, find common interests, and let the friendships grow. You probably won’t find a friend that is interested in all of the same things you like. You might start by finding different people to share your different interests. Some of those get togethers are likely to grow into more meaningful and rich friendships.

Whether you are out of someone’s league is not something you can know, and it’s really just a variation on whether you’ll get along. Go for it if you want to, it’s the only way to find out.

It’s hard, but sometimes you’ve got to do it. If it’s a close friend, you really should talk with them, and be honest but as gentle as you can. Sometimes (only if it is the truth), you can leave the door open for renewing the friendship when things change in your lives; it does happen, even after bad friend breakups. Though “ghosting” or just disappearing from someone’s life is currently in disfavor, you can gradually reduce your contact with less close friends and the friendship often just fades away.