…(e.g. all my past and current girlfriends have said to me to “man up” and act more masculine wayyy more than my old-school dad, my hot male gym instructor, etc.) Most of the time I say “fuck you” in a kind way, since toxic masculinity is something I do not tolerate, I’m sick of it and I’m sick of the lack of attention it’s getting. Am I correct for acting that way? Do I really need to “man up” (as a bisexual man, I’ve had some serious problems with caring about how “manly” I am)?

Short answer: you don’t need to “man up,” Your girlfriends don’t get to establish an acceptable level of manliness for you. Be the man that you are in the way that is right for you. The world needs men who defy the societal expectations of a manly man. It’s also not your responsibility to change the minds of people who act this way towards you, but letting them know it’s not OK is a good first step.

TW: interaction between an adult and minor (IDK IF ITS EVEN LEGAL???) IM SORRY THAT THIS IS SUCH A LONG POSt So let me give you some context. I am a 17 yr old gay male and I attend 2 different martial arts classes at the same school. I have made many friends and learned to defend myself pretty well – if I ever get into a situation where I need it. Recently, a student transferred from another school to ours and he’s in both of my classes. He’s pretty chill, and we became friends almost immediately. This was about a week ago. The dude, who we’ll call Joe, is VERY attractive and charismatic, so you’re kinda just drawn to him. Today, I had to ride my bike because my car broke down, and I guess he took the hint that I lived pretty close. He asked me if I wanted a ride home and I politely declined – saying that I could bike. This is where I got the first red flag. He asked me: “Say, where do you live again? I can pull it up on the Maps and get you home.” I was super nervous and just said “oh you dont need to I can ride home – besides, my bike won’t fit in your car (awkward, uncomfortable laughter which is a signal to anyone who can think). After I said that he seemed pretty sad and I felt pretty bad. The part that really irked me is that I never even MENTIONED where I lived??? He wanted to go pick up some sushi at a nearby Kroger (bc kroger has GODLY sushi) and it was a short walk so i agreed. We had some pretty great conversations but he kept nudging me and touching me weird – like putting his arm around me when we were waiting in line. Now, the problem is that he’s literally an adult but since I’m gay he thinks that I’ll fall for anyone; but that isn’t the case. My love language is physical touch and that’s how I express feelings towards my friends, families, and partners, but never to someone I met a week ago. So we leave the store and he makes a very disturbing comment when I walk him back to his car, saying that he’d “love to do something with someone in this car.” I was stunned. I felt so uncomfortable but I’m a nice person and didn’t want to offend him so I said “same to be honest.” I think he took this a little too weirdly because he started looking me up and down, and that’s when I took the time to leave. I told him that its getting dark and I should go home, because I was about 10 minutes late to go home but he kept insisting that we sit in his car to talk and listen to music (i watch a lot of crime movies so like i know for a fact we ain’t gonna chill and i don’t feel like ending up somewhere other than home.) eventually he lets up and I go home but the thing is im gonna have to see him once every day monday-thursday, and twice saturday. it’s just our schedule. I hope he doesn’t make any other moves on my cuz i swear to god i’m thinking of just hitting him and running but he’s so much faster and stronger than me so i just feel so overwhelmed. please advise!!! this sounds like a my story animated video ?

I’m so sorry someone was touching you without consent and has made you feel threatened. What he did is wrong. I recommend you begin by calling RAINN’s sexual assault hotline: https://www.rainn.org/resources. They can help you process the experience and strategize responses. I hope you feel comfortable telling your parents about this, and I hope the adults in your life, including your martial arts instructors, listen to and validate your legitimate concerns and act quickly and decisively to protect you.

I haven’t been to Adelaide, but their stuff looks nice. https://misslouise.com.au/

Seems like a bad idea; here’s info on the risks, from Johns Hopkins: bit.ly/HopkinsVape

Goodbye and hope to have you visit some day!

This time of year really brings out the Big Feelings! It *is* sad when friends graduate and physically move far away; move away from the community they have known for several years. College students seem to be perpetually in this liminal state, but Commencement is a demarcation point: it’s this point at which students begin again, begin anew, begin the next phase. It’s okay to feel sad as you watch friends in front of you embark on that next step. And, I hope you are able to feel the Big Feelings of enjoyment and happiness at BC again soon.

Yes.

I’m sorry you’re feeling a lack of confidence; I’m sure you have many wonderful qualities, and a lack of confidence often means we accentuate our faults and overlook our virtues. It’s important to know that many people suffer from the same problem: it’s called “negativity bias,” and seems to be universal. But sometimes it governs too much of our lives. If you find it’s getting in the way of living a full life, I recommend counseling (bit.ly/BC-counseling). Also, just look for ways to turn down the volume of the negative self-talk, and turn up the volume of the talk about your virtues and past successes.

It started in January when I was stressed out because of grad school applications. I ate twice as much ice cream as I usually eat per day and I would force myself to throw up due to guilt. Then in March, I could have a whole pint of ice cream. On a Monday two weeks ago I ate 12 wings, 6 scoops of ice cream, one large fries, one beef patties, one slice of pizza, 2 cookies for lunch and I threw up afterwards. I couldn’t stop eating even if my stomach hurts. Physically I do not desire food but mentally I do. I’m not gaining weight due to eating disorder as I do not digest the food. On the contrary, I lost 10 pounds in the past two weeks. Now I discovered that I could throw up simply by bending over. I’m extremely happy about my weight loss but at the same time guilty about throwing up and wasting food. I’m also scared of my intolerance of having any food in my stomach other than breakfast (usually just a pear/apricot). I couldn’t sleep in nights nor in the morning and I get tired easily. Even walking up stairs is energy-consuming for me. FYI, my grad school app went pretty well. I received an offer from a decent school in February, so my ED is probably not due to academic stress… Could you please convince me why I need to be concerned about my ED? I know that (1) it’s bad for my stomach, (2) it’s bad for the environment, (3) gluttony is one of the 7 deadly sins, (4) it’s bad for my gullet, (5) it might leads to anorexia, (6) I’m loosing sleep, (7) my friends and family would be concerned if they know, (8) I could die if I do not consume enough calories. but I could eat as much as I want and my body shape is getting ideal. I’m not sure what need to be done now. Also i’m not sure if I could write this on the wall… Seems like ED is a sensitive topic.ED

I’m not a doctor and can’t diagnose, but those sound to me like signs of an eating disorder. It sounds more like bulimia than anorexia. I hope you’ll consider getting some professional help with this. University Counseling Services is here for exactly this kind of thing. http://bit.ly/BC-counseling . The things you list are good reasons to be concerned. I’ll leave the larger questions of the environment and religion aside for the moment, and focus on you: you’re weak from lack of food, you’re having trouble sleeping, you’re doing damage to your gut and throat, you recognize that you could die. If it’s affecting your ability to live your life it’s worth checking in with a professional. You mention ideal body shape. One of the things that often comes with an ED is an inability to see one’s body accurately. A counselor can help you see more clearly.

Hi wall! This is a continuation of that recent ED post. Thanks, I’m also considering finding university counseling to deal with this issue… For now, I really would like to know how am i suppose to tell my family about it. As you might suspect, I’m an international student. I don’t want my family to worry about my health in a distant country, which they definitely will if i confess to them. (And to a high probability, they will be VERY, VERY concerned.) I’ll be back to my country in a month, so they would definitely discover my weight loss as soon as they see me. I’m also not confident that i could stop over-eating and throwing up by then…

Thank you for being so open with me. I love being a space people feel safe sharing these questions with. That said, I urge you to speak to a counselor as soon as you can. Counselors work through these situations with folks all the time and they will help you both address what is going on with you and how to communicate with your family. Please, please reach out to someone very soon: http://bit.ly/BC-counseling . And yes, your parents will worry, especially if they’re far away–that’s what parents do. This toolkit might help. It’s designed to give them some context and suggestions for ways to help: https://bit.ly/bc-ed-toolkit

If we all became gay and lesbian then that would be the end of humanity. Animals aren’t gay or again extinction. I truly believe it is a mental and psychological issue. The person was exposed to some type of abuse from opposite sex and is truamatized so they turn to same sex to bury their traumas.

Variation in sexual orientation is a regular occurrence among all animals, including humans: bit.ly/same-sex-animals. Statistically, it’s at least as unlikely for all organisms of a species in any given generation to be heterosexual as it would be for them all to be all gay or lesbian, so neither is really worth considering. I encourage you to seek out sources grounded in empirical research; researchers go to great lengths to account for their own biases. When our personal beliefs aren’t grounded in the research of experts, we risk basing our decisions and actions on falsehoods, and causing harm in the process. If you’re at all uncertain about the facts, here’s a good rule of thumb: be kind.

Absolutely, although whether they can find a club willing to take on his wages is another matter entirely. Lukaku’s signing has been an unmitigated failure and Chelsea would be better served in bringing through academy players, especially given that they no longer have access to Roman Abramovic’s riches. It could be a rough few years for The Blues.

Looks like it is the Hoag Basketball Pavillion (see bit.ly/BCHoag)

Do you love her or do you love an idealized version of her that fits the hole in your heart? Fill that hole in your heart with the love of friends and family, and come to terms with the fact that your idealized version of her is not reality. You’ve elevated her above being human. But she’s human, and has faults and struggles like all humans.

YAAAAAAAYYYYY!

I’m sorry about redacting the phone number! No personal info on the Wall, please! I hope all of you Ahgases find a way to connect!

Switch up your student organizations. Talk to classmates before or after class instead of being on your phone. Organize a book club. Organize group trips with other folks in your residence hall: go to a museum, go out for food and espresso in the North End, get safety certified for BC Bikes & pick a local destination… .

Find your moments when you can; you won’t be working every minute. And try to relax during work. Some advice from the Ofc of Health Promotion on managing stress: bit.ly/BCUnstress

A good night’s sleep will do far more for your grade than a late-night cram session. Good luck!