Trust but verify, as they said in Cold War days. You can’t go through life not trusting anyone, but keep your eyes open, especially if your gut is warning you.
Is it possible for a person to love some one and yet not to miss them when they are not around?
Absolutely. There are many kinds of love (8 according to the ancient Greeks) and not all of them are manifest as passionate heart longing when someone is gone. Additionally, everyone expresses love differently. It’s not uncommon to love family, but not necessarily miss them when they’re not around (or even sometimes be glad they’re gone). The same can be true of any relationship in your life.
Thankyou for the last answer. You are the best! I wish I had a wall like u at our home too..
Awww. Thank you! At least you always know where to find me!
Hello! I have 2 questions:
Is it normal and ethically good to hide from my parents, that I watch porn and masturbate? (Age 13-14) If I know something really important that has to do with my twin brother and his sexual orientation, do I have to tell my parents or wait till he makes it?
1) Masturbation is normal and most adults are also private about it. Note: porn is not reality, so it’s a bad idea to base your ideas about future partners or how sex works solely based on it. 2) Your brother’s sexual orientation is something for him to talk about or not, whatever he’s comfortable with and whenever. That’s not your story to tell.
I trust people easily. A friend says it’s not a good thing. What do u suggest answer wall?
It’s not not a good thing. Trusting people are wonderful when they are surrounded by others deserving of that trust. Unfortunately, many people are not and will use your trusting nature to take advantage of you. That’s just something that you will have to get used to if you’re going to easily trust people, and it will often end in disappointment (or worse) for you. However, you will also get to experience the joy of having trusted someone that no one else did and that person coming through for you, or repaying that trust in kind. That’s such a wonderful feeling and perhaps one of the most human experiences there is. Knowing how much to trust is something that you will be constantly calibrating for the rest of your life.
Thanks wall! We took your recommendation and change the Ig name. You should follow our Ig! I feel so validated that so many people struggle with the same barriers and challenges from the institution as I do. I also feel so sad that so many people are suffering alone without access to the support they deserve and needed.
Just checked out the account again. Love the new name and bio. I’m so glad you can give people a place to tell their stories and feel heard. Mental health services are so diffcult to manage even in the best of scenarios, but colleges across the US (not just BC) continue to struggle with providing the care that so many people deserve. Much of that is more systemic than just BC; it has to do with the entire US healthcare system and the (often perverse) profit motives we’ve set up therein. One last piece of advice if I can be so bold: please make sure to keep your own mental health in mind. It is very easy to feel like you owe these students and alums a piece of yourself to help them and that you have to continue this project even if it becomes overwhelming. These stories are heartbreaking, and that can really grind some people down to read them over and over again. If it does get to be too much, it’s OK to take a break. Be well.
If I don’t press “Archive”, will my question be deleted in a few weeks?
Part of our process is to automatically archive questions and answers as they come in. No worries. The link marked “archive” on my online version is one we create.
do have any good recipes to make in quarantine?
One of my helpers made these drop biscuits the other day and was raving about how easy and delicious they were: bit.ly/DropBiscuits. Another one discovered that two tablespoons of fish sauce and two of ketchup makes a pretty decent pad thai sauce.
Boy Problems: Hi answer wall, I like this boy and we talk everyday but
I can’t tell if he likes me back and 2. I can’t tell if he’s gay. I feel like we both like each other but are both too nervous to make a move because we’ve gotten so close over the summer. We went out to dinner a few weeks ago and he paid! was he trying to imply its a date? I also dont wanna make a move if he is gay and i embarrass both of us.
This is actually a variation on the same situation in my other question today. In theory all you need to do is ask “Are you gay?” and then say either “yay!” or “wanna go on a date?” depending on the answer. But the Wall totally understands how tough actually doing that is. All the humans are making choices about which risks to take right now–this seems like a good one to me. Good luck!
What should one do if you know someone likes you but they don’t let you know that.
I’m all for taking the initiative and letting them know you’re interested in them. Unlike Walls, you humans can be very shy and avoid what might be a wonderful relarionship out of fear of rejection. I won’t lie; there is that risk, but ask yourself if it’s better to find out or always wonder what might have been?
Will we still have therapy dog visits next semester?
That would be so great! I miss the doggos too. It depends on so much, but we have some ideas and we hope to find a way.
Answer wall, thankyou for the previous answer.
I think I like talking u?
You’re welcome! Talking to a wall is surprisingly fun, isn’t it?
I think gays are disgusting, but still treat them as normal people. Am I a bad person?
Just because someone think gays are disgusting does not means they have the right to deny the gays their rights. I treat them like I treat everyone else. They are people just like you. I just dont want to be friends with them, or hire them, or have any kind of relationship with them. Just like the fact that I dont want to date black people, I still treat them the same as other people in every other way. And then those SJW go and say that I am racist or homophobe. Its called personal preference. And I wont change. Am I a bad person?
Disliking LGBTQ+ people or not wanting to date any Black person doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person, but they do make you a racist and a homophobe. I am curious why you don’t want those labels assigned to you. Is it because you don’t think they fully represent you? Are you more than just your dislike for these groups? I certainly hope so, and ask that you look at every person as a full and complex human and not just one thing. Oh, and if you don’t hire someone simply because they are gay, then you aren’t treating them like everyone else, and that would be discriminatory and bad.
We create our own Answer Wall!
It’s technically not an answer wall, but it’s a place where people bear witness others’ experiences, find validation and solidarity. https://www.instagram.com/p/CCtcANljAqC/ Check it out!
That’s so awesome. Any space where people can go and feel heard is a great thing. If I might suggest one tweak, it would be to make clear in your bio that you’re not an official BC service. This will help protect you from having to field questions about making appointments or for directions around campus, and it will help others in need of more urgent and intensive intervention find those resources more clearly.
I hate cats.
They leave hair everywhere and make lots of noise at night when I’m trying to sleep. I think the differences between cats and dogs, are that men domesticated the dogs, and cats domesticated the women. Because dogs are useful and loyal. And cats are cute, but useless little psycopaths. In my opinion this means that men are more preoccupied with function and women with form( generally speeaking). Also never let your mom buy you a computer. She will buy some kind of abomination gamer pc that she thinks look nice but is a piece of garbage. Ask your father instead. Even if he doesnt understand nothing of computers he will still agree with you when you say that the uglier pc is better than the cute one your mom likes. Am I machist? Or just realist based on historical data avaliable?
You have every right to have preferences for one pet over another, for whatever reasons. You’re also welcome to speculate about the reasons for differences between one human population and another. It would be realistic to be honest about a) the fact that these are speculations grounded only in a few observations of your own and b) the fact that generalizing from a few observations to whole populations is a logical fallacy. A realist should learn both how to make careful, representative observations, and to employ statistical methods to extrapolate from small samples to broader populations, and be able to provide both data collection and analytical methods so others can evaluate the soundness and validity of the observations and analysis. IOW, realists are aware of the limitations of their own perspectives.
How do we get the needed 10 hugs per day during COVID? Hug hug hug hug hug! <3 Kiss :-*
Unless you have willing friends/family in your household, they will have to be virtual hugs for now, so that we can all be here to hug again in the future. I offer you many virtual Wall hugs to sustain you through these difficult times, and the hope that we can soon embrace all those we long to embrace.
Drawing of a Dog
Excellent use of contrast. 12/10.
How are you doing?
I’m doing OK. More of my library friends are here now, but I miss everyone. How are you?
I am a teen boy (13-14) and I am wasting 15-20 minutes almost every day to watch porn and masturbate on it.
Is this normal and does it do any harm on me?
The American Academy of Pediatrics calls masturbation “a regular part of normal adolescence” (bit.ly/AAPSexHealth), so no worries there. Porn use, while also extremely common, may cause problems. Be sure you recognize that porn is not reality and don’t build your fantasies and expectations of future sexual partners on it.
Hiiii.. Answer wall, am I stupid?
If yes, is it bad being stupid?
No, you are not stupid. You came to me with your question, and that’s a very smart thing to do! Everyone has talents as well as areas that they struggle with. Perhaps you have encountered one of those difficult areas. Don’t limit yourself with a label like “stupid”. Work as well as you can at those hard things, and when a task is easy, know that there are others who will struggle where you don’t.