I like guys but I don’t want to be gay. How do I stop being gay?
Scientific research has shown that sexual orientation is not something that can be changed. Conversion therapies try to change one’s sexual orientation, but they have not been successful and in fact may be harmful. Several U.S. states and countries have actually banned conversion therapy. But don’t despair- speaking with a BC counselor or a LGBTQ-friendly advisor can help you work through the conflict that you are feeling.
You’re not alone- I’m in the same boat. It really sucks. It’s hard for me because you can’t talk to anyone w/out revealing your secret. Just be strong. Maybe some day we’ll have the courage to come out.
There are many people you can safely talk to about your feelings and questions. You don’t need to be certain you are gay before talking to someone or attending an LGBTQ+ meeting. People who are questioning their sexual orientation are also welcome. There are some great BC groups where you can meet supportive peers. There are also Boston area groups if you prefer something off-campus. See BC resources: bit.ly/BCLGBTQ and area resources: bit.ly/ma-lgbtq
I am a gay male. I have been out nearly 7 years now (age 16, sophomore year of HS). Before I came out I struggled w/ depression and it got to the point where I was going to take my own life, because, quite frankly, I hated myself. I internalized everything society told me. There was a point where i was looking at the train tracks on the T ride home (waiting for a train to come so I could jump) Thankfully I had a change of heart and now i look back at that day. horrified. That week I told my friends and family I was gay. They were so accepting and I was one of the lucky queer people that have an accepting family/friend group. 7 years later, I could not be happier, my only regret is I did not talk to someone sooner. It is hard here. I am not going to lie to you.It is very homogeneous/ hetero-normative and being in a catholic institution is not the easiest environment for queer students. Just know that you are loved, you are important and it is amazing to be queer, as it is a valid identity and many people are. If people do not accept you for who you are, then it is their loss not yours. Self love is a beautiful process, and it is ongoin. I love you.
Thank you for being so supportive and for sharing your story honestly. BC is lucky you are here. I especially appreciate that you told others they are loved and important- so true! (I’m sorry I had to remove the post-it with contact info. I observe a strict anonymity policy to protect everyone’s privacy. I’m a public but very private wall.)
As a conservative Mexican-American, I feel very isolated into expressing my opinions in class & with friends.
Seeking out and sharing with folks from a similar background or with similar viewpoints can help you feel less isolated and keep you in touch with the things that matter most to you, particularly when you feel like you are in the minority here at BC. But also take the time to evaluate your own beliefs, and take advantage of the opportunity to learn from people different from you — you might find yourself less alone than you think!
Are all the people in AC toxic? (Asian communities on campus?)
No, absolutely not. I haven’t encountered any toxic communities on campus. And I’d prefer you not make negative generalizations about any of my friends. (Note: everyone at BC is a friend of mine, even if they don’t know it.)
How do grad students get BC Gym memberships to work out on campus?
Graduate students currently enrolled in a degree-granting program and currently registered for classes, and their spouses, can purchase a membership by presenting a valid Boston College Eagle-One ID card. For more information go to: bit.ly/BC-Rec
Books on time management in college? (CFLC not open until next week)
The key to time management is that you can’t actually manage time. But you can figure out your values and goals, and work at aligning your behaviors with them. Here’s a good book: bit.ly/BC-time-management. It’s an e-book, which saves you the time of finding a book in the library. Already managing your time!
This girl I’m seeing likes to slap me, but I don’t like it. What should I do?
If you haven’t done so already, I would suggest telling her you don’t like being slapped. Respecting each other’s boundaries is a pretty fundamental part of maintaining a healthy relationship.
If the genders were reversed that would be domestic violence/abuse & people would say to dump them/make it very clear to them not to do it again
You have a good point there. If you feel threatened by the slapping, and/or she won’t stop after you’ve asked her to, then it does become more of a domestic violence issue. Find BC and Boston help/resources here: bit.ly/BCPartnerAbuse.
I’m sorry to say it’s January in Boston. February is usually a little less cold, but often more snowy. Warmth will eventually return. Meanwhile, embrace the suck!
You have people around you who love you, and whom you love. They support you, and you support them, whatever happens.
If you’re asking this you’re not 🙁 Not true at all???
I have to agree with my friend that asking this question does not in any way mean you’re not on the right track. In fact, asking it probably means you’re on the right track or at least want to head in that direction. Even people that are on the “right” track in their lives ask a present-tense version of the original future-tense question: “How can I improve myself?” Always be willing to look at yourself honestly and seek improvement.
It’s a hard path, but one option is to follow Gautama Buddha’s lead and confront the truth head on: life is suffering. Through mindful meditation on the present moment, he accessed what he called “the deathless,” the insight that everyone suffers, and the soul lives on, and the way to understanding is through compassion for everyone’s suffering. The Christian path is not necessarily easier or all that different: know that your soul lives on through love.
You’ll be pleased to know that the first BC Esports meeting of this semester will be held on Friday, January 24: https://www.facebook.com/events/200244921014931/
Just gotta shoot your shot. Maybe get to know her a little bit first to see if you have common ground? Maybe suggest going for coffee – it’s the ideal first date. You have to give each other long enough for the coffee to cool and drink it, but that doesn’t take too long if the date isn’t going well.
When I have nothing else to do, one way I pass time is to imagine being someone else. It’s fun! Just yesterday I was imagining I was Yvon Chouinard on the first ascent of El Capitan’s North America Wall.
![She's a puppy that walks on campus, she has an article and is the best girl! [?] @mollyonthequad](https://library.bc.edu/answerwall/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/aw012920-3.jpg)
![[Nike symbol] Just do it](https://library.bc.edu/answerwall/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/AW01212020-01.jpg)
![Imagine being [name redacted]?](https://library.bc.edu/answerwall/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/aw012120-12.jpg)