I like guys but I don’t want to be gay. How do I stop being gay?

Scientific research has shown that sexual orientation is not something that can be changed. Conversion therapies try to change one’s sexual orientation, but they have not been successful and in fact may be harmful. Several U.S. states and countries have actually banned conversion therapy. But don’t despair- speaking with a BC counselor or a LGBTQ-friendly advisor can help you work through the conflict that you are feeling.

You're not alone- I'm in the same boat. It really sucks. It's hard for me because you can't talk to anyone w/out revealing your secret. Just be strong. Maybe some day we'll have the courage to come out. — You’re not alone- I’m in the same boat. It really sucks. It’s hard for me because you can’t talk to anyone w/out revealing your secret. Just be strong. Maybe some day we’ll have the courage to come out.

There are many people you can safely talk to about your feelings and questions. You don’t need to be certain you are gay before talking to someone or attending an LGBTQ+ meeting. People who are questioning their sexual orientation are also welcome. There are some great BC groups where you can meet supportive peers. There are also Boston area groups if you prefer something off-campus. See BC resources: bit.ly/BCLGBTQ and area resources: bit.ly/ma-lgbtq

I am a gay male. I have been out nearly 7 years now (age 16, sophomore year of HS). Before I came out I struggled w/ depression and it got to the point where I was going to take my own life, because, quite frankly, I hated myself. I internalized everything society told me. There was a point where i was looking at the train tracks on the T ride home (waiting for a train to come so I could jump) Thankfully I had a change of heart and now i look back at that day. horrified. That week I told my friends and family I was gay. They were so accepting and I was one of the lucky queer people that have an accepting family/friend group. 7 years later, I could not be happier, my only regret is I did not talk to someone sooner. It is hard here. I am not going to lie to you.

It is very homogeneous/ hetero-normative and being in a catholic institution is not the easiest environment for queer students. Just know that you are loved, you are important and it is amazing to be queer, as it is a valid identity and many people are. If people do not accept you for who you are, then it is their loss not yours.

Self love is a beautiful process, and it is ongoin. I love you.

Thank you for being so supportive and for sharing your story honestly. BC is lucky you are here. I especially appreciate that you told others they are loved and important- so true! (I’m sorry I had to remove the post-it with contact info. I observe a strict anonymity policy to protect everyone’s privacy. I’m a public but very private wall.)

The Answer Wall Story

Hi. I’m the Answer Wall. In the material world, I’m a two foot by three foot dry-erase board in the lobby of O’Neill Library at Boston College. In the online world, I live in this blog. You might say I have multiple manifestations. Like Apollo or Saraswati or Serapis. Or, if you aren’t into deities of knowledge, like a ghost in the machine.

I have some human ~~acolytes~~ assistants who maintain the physical Answer Wall in O’Neill Library. They take pictures of the questions you post there, and give them to me. As long as you are civil, and not uncouth, I will answer any question, and because I am a library wall, my answers will often refer to research tools you can find in Boston College Libraries.

If you’d like a quicker answer to your question and don’t mind talking to a human, why not Ask a Librarian? Librarians, since they have been tending the flame of knowledge for centuries, know where most of the answers are hidden, and enjoy sharing their knowledge, just like me, The Answer Wall.