Hello, it’s me again. I decided to come out to my mother first on the coming-out day, for being gay.

But I am not sure if this day is in Europe too. May you tell me? And may I get some feedback on my idea: I think about writing a letter, printing it and putting it in an envelope. And then leaving the envelope on the table in the living room. I want to bake/cook something too, but I am not sure if I will have the chance to do so, so I will try to buy something sweet to eat secretly. I am imagining that I find a way to put everything on the table, without her and my brother knowing and going with my brother to school. But first, I don’t know if the school will be online or not. And I can’t get any ideas of how I can secretly put everything on the table. I think about putting a piece of paper, telling to look in the closet (that would be pretty symbolic) where I have already put everything, but my brother might find it as well. And I am still not 100% sure that I wan to do it this way. Writing a letter would be easier for me, but won’t it be better to say it directly or giving her time to process the information. With a letter, I would tell her everything and discourage things she might things about why I am this way, that aren’t true. And the thing that is concerning me is that I read too many coming out stories and that the thing I am imagining may be absolutely different from reality and what is concerning me, even more, is that I may backfire myself or that the day may not be good for this and etc. There is still plenty of time till the eleventh of October, but I want to have a plan that makes me feel more confident. Sorry if all this is confusing.

National Coming Out Day is celebrated on October 11th in many countries. It may be different where you are, so you might need to do a little searching to see if it falls on a different day. Also, if a different day works better for you, go for it- I doubt your mother will care what day you tell her. Regarding your ideas for telling your mother, you should do what is right for you, but because you are questioning it, I think you may be complicating it. I would forget the “how” of telling your mother and focus on the “what” you want to tell her. I recommend writing it down so you are clear what you want to say. You can then use it to prepare for the talk, or you could just read it to her. I do not recommend leaving it for her to read at a time when you are not right there to answer her questions. That seems a little unfair to her, and you lose the ability to explain anything she might misunderstand.

I know how to come out now and what to say, thank you for helping me, but there is 1 thing that I am not sure about: Should I tell her I know she already knows?

It is best not to assume what she knows and doesn’t know. You should tell her what you want her to know and answer any questions she has. It is also okay if you don’t have answers to her questions- this is all new to you, and it’s fine to be uncertain.

Don’t be so complicated; just tell your mom who you are. I’m pretty sure she loves you… don’t you think she loves you??? Of course she does, and she does to the point you don’t know!!! She knows already who you are, she carried you for 9 month in her womb, she educated you, she leaned from your crying, she took and still takes care of you. Just take her to your room, hug her and tell her how much you love her, and feel thankful for all she’s done for you. And then tell her, “ mom since I came to know myself better, after a long time of reflection I have come accept myself the way I am… I feel I am homosexual… I have been feeling that way since… and it brings me peace that you know it. I know I can count on you as I continue growing and maturing as man!! Know I’ll be alright…” idk you can add more. But again don’t be complicated. If you leave letters or things like that are not truly, in my humble opinion, assuming why responsibility who you are. If you are capable of telling directly to your mom this, she will have also the confidence you’re maturing and becoming a responsable man and it will bring her peace too. If you wanna talk, we can meet at BC. I’m student too.

I always assume I don’t know the whole story, and the person telling it knows it better than me. But you’re right, I think, that it’s a distraction to dwell too much on the details of delivery. Much love to anyone who takes a risk like this on a foundational relationship. It’s hard. It’s necessary, but it’s hard. I wish for all children coming out to parents all the courage and support they need.

Hello! May I get some examples of how I can come out to my parents for being gay?

My mother has already said that she would not have a problem if I was, but I am not sure for my father. (He tends to be more gentle, but I am not sure how he will handle this) + My father is tamporarly in a another country and I am with my mother and my twin brother alone for now. (I am sure my brother is gay too). Should I wait until my father comes for a visit? I am thinking for writing a letter, but… I need ideas. And I don’t feel confortable telling my brother.

There are so many ways to come out to family and friends- the best way is whatever feels right to you. Regardless of how you tell people, they don’t all need to know at the same time. As you come out to people, make sure you let them know that you need to be the one to let other people know. Many websites have coming out stories, advice and examples, but they represent wide ranges of political and religious viewpoints, so find the ones that feel right to you and ignore the others. I do recommend looking at the pflag.org site- they provide information for LGBTQ+ folks as well as for parents and allies.

I am a teen boy (13-14) and I am wasting 15-20 minutes almost every day to watch porn and masturbate on it.

Is this normal and does it do any harm on me?

The American Academy of Pediatrics calls masturbation “a regular part of normal adolescence” (bit.ly/AAPSexHealth), so no worries there. Porn use, while also extremely common, may cause problems. Be sure you recognize that porn is not reality and don’t build your fantasies and expectations of future sexual partners on it.

I asked this previously…

I asked this previously but did not realize the turn around rate of this wall; do you see a problem with consensual, ethical, non-monogamous sex?
I asked this previously but did not realize the turn around rate of this wall; do you see a problem with consensual, ethical, non-monogamous sex?

You never need to miss an answer – I have a web presence (library.bc.edu/answerwall/). The answer was: Ethical and consensual is good and necessary. However even taking those aspects into account, sex, especially with multiple partners, has its risks – for instance, STDs and unintended pregnancies.

Why is that the Pride parade has BU, Harvard, Northeastern, Suffolk, and more teams from colleges around the area, but there’s no BC team? Except the BC rainbow?

Why is that the Pride parade has BU, Harvard, Northeastern, Suffolk, and more teams from colleges around the area, but there's no BC team? Except the BC rainbow?
Why is that the Pride parade has BU, Harvard, Northeastern, Suffolk, and more teams from colleges around the area, but there’s no BC team? Except the BC rainbow?

Participants in the Boston Pride Parade are volunteers, and groups need to sign up to march. It sounds like someone at BC needs to take the initiative to form the group and register with Boston Pride. Maybe you’re that person! You might also be interested in our Pride book display going on now in the lobby.

Why doesn’t administration acknowledge the need for a GLBTQ+ Resource Centre?

Why doesn't administration acknowledge the need for a GLBTQ+ Resource Centre?
Why doesn’t administration acknowledge the need for a GLBTQ+ Resource Centre?

IDK. I can’t presume to speak for BC’s administration. The student body, through UGBC votes in 2016 for an LGBTQ resource center (bit.ly/Heights-lgbtq1) and 2018 for a full-time staff member (bit.ly/Heights-lgbtq2) has made its needs clear. For a longer, in-depth view of the history of LGBTQ+ issues at BC, read this excellent 2016 article: bit.ly/Heights-lgbtq3. Keep communicating the need.

How come men can’t and won’t eat pussy?

How come men can't and won't eat pussy?
How come men can’t and won’t eat pussy?

One hypothesis is that around the Enlightenment, “scientists” realized that women, in fact, didn’t need to orgasm in order to get pregnant. So a woman’s pleasure during sex became less of a priority for society writ large, and this remains the case today. You might want to have a conversation with your partner(s) about your sexual preferences–being careful, of course, not to pressure them into doing anything they just don’t want to do. If they’re not into the things you’re into, it’s ok to move on. Thank u, next. (For more on the one-sex theory, see Thomas Laquer’s Making Sex: Body and Gender from Greeks to Freud, HQ1075 .L37 1992)

What would happen if you got caught having sex on campus?

What would happen if you got caught having sex on campus?
What would happen if you got caught having sex on campus?

If this was in public it seems to fall under “sexual exploitation” in the BC Student Sexual Misconduct Policy (bit.ly/BCSexualMisconductPol). If you were found to have violated it, you would be sanctioned. That varies from having to give up your BC housing, to having to give up your degree – though they state that the response will be “commensurate with the violation.” Get a room?

This guy I like wants me to participate in an orgy…

This guy I like wants me to participate in an orgy or "group love ritual". This makes me nervous but excites me. Should I?
This guy I like wants me to participate in an orgy or “group love ritual”. This makes me nervous but excites me. Should I?

Totally up to you and what you’re comfortable with. I’d want to have a conversation about safe words and boundaries and make sure everybody is a) comfortable talking about that and b) more or less on the same page. You might find some useful advice in this book: http://bit.ly/bc-ethical

WHY DOES SHE LIKE BITING ME?

WHY DOES SHE LIKE BITING ME? [Response: SHE IS A VAMPIRE -- or worse -- a cannibal.]
WHY DOES SHE LIKE BITING ME? [Response: SHE IS A VAMPIRE — or worse — a cannibal.]

Could be any number of reasons; vampire or cannibal top the list, for sure. However, is the “she” in question a toddler? Could be teething. A cat? Cats just dig that sort of thing. A grown up woman? It could be physically arousing. Or, if you are being very, very annoying – sometimes you just want to bite someone.

How can I get laid on Valentine’s Day?

How can I get laid on Valentine's Day?
How can I get laid on Valentine’s Day?

I can think of many options, but most of them involve sacrificing your dignity or lying, so that’s the challenge, isn’t it: how to get this to happen discreetly & honestly. I hear chocolates & flowers sometimes help. Something to keep in mind, too, is that it’s not like the day is magical or anything, and was originally about an entirely different kind of love. IOW, no shame in experiencing other kinds of love on Valentine’s Day.

with consent
with consent

Yes, that is certainly a key element in the process.