Answering questions at Boston College O’Neill Library
It sounds like something happened that has broken your trust with friends. ? I’m really sorry that happened. If some friends are not maintaining contact as much as you’d like during this crisis, I’d advise giving them some room. We’re all reacting to this in different ways. Some are reaching out, others are closing down. As to how to pick friends? Extend trust & see what happens. Sadly, there’s no formula.
With tears. And as long as someone is alive (though perhaps far away), with the recognition that it’s not necessarily forever.
If it’s only a crush, it would not be incest. Acting on that crush could be incest, but opinions on cousin-to-cousin relations vary by culture. In most jurisdictions it is not illegal for cousins to have sexual relations, although societal mores may not permit it.
This one is best left to the realm of daydream and fantasy; turning this into a reality – even if possible – could have disasterous effects under the University’s revised Consensual Relationship Policy: bit.ly/RelationshipPol
![Prof. [redacted] is hot](https://library.bc.edu/answerwall/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/AW02252020-09-e1582680762602.jpeg)
Even so, still not ok. Learning to have self control and not act on all your desires is part of adulting.
You don’t need to say or do anything other than continuing to be a supportive friend. It’s curious the woman in question doesn’t want to acknowledge dating your friend, but sometimes people don’t want to go public with these things right away; to protect the new relationship and to treasure it for a while without outside commentary/input.
Nothing is wrong. However, you may have some awkward moments. Changing the stakes of a relationship can lead one or both to feeling uncomfortable if the terms aren’t clear. Communicate openly & honestly, and be prepared to resume “just friends” if the other person isn’t comfortable with the change.
Grad school can be a lonely time, but there are ways to make it better. Try some events held by The Office of Graduate Student Life (bit.ly/BC-graduate-life) – Waffle Wednesdays sound very appealing! Also, you could talk to the staff at Murray House, who have creating community among grad students at BC as part of their mission.
The Door and I exchanged Very Significant Looks on Valentine’s Day.
![Last Date ideas? [Wall themed please]](https://library.bc.edu/answerwall/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/20200217_0431472.jpg)
I suppose if the decision was reached mutually and you both want to establish a new mode of “just friends,” I’d say do something that just friends commonly do. Sports, for instance, keep you occupied without demanding much emotional engagement. Maybe take lessons at a climbing wall? But if you’re talking about a breakup date, it’s going to suck no matter where you’ve gone, so why sweat the location, other than making sure there are enough walls to provide some privacy. There will be tears.
For a breakup? Huh. Sounds creepy. If you’re gonna break up, at least do it somewhere warm with sugary treats.
We grow, we change. It’s ok to move on and make new friends. I would give it some time, though, to make sure that you’re just not in a mood where everything is annoying you. And not burn bridges or ghost people. Old friends turn up later on, and that can be a beautful thing.
Men are baffling. Capable both of interpreting any possible hint as interest and of missing the most obvious signs. Ultimately you’re going to have to tell him and see how he responds. If you’ve been just hanging out, maybe invite him on something that is unmistakably a date?
It is not wrong if you are honest about it. As long as all the individuals involved understand and agree with the relationship’s nature, conditions, and limitations, it should be okay.
I think this is going to have to be “the one that got away.” BC policy states”the policy prohibits any faculty member, employee, graduate assistant, or undergraduate teaching assistant from engaging in a romantic or sexual relationship, or in any romantic or sexual conduct, with any individual whom they supervise, teach, advise, evaluate, counsel, or coach” http://bit.ly/BCRevConsent
I gather that this type of guy is not the right type of guy for you. You can start by making an appointment with University Counseling, or find a private therapist to help you work through this pattern. And write down a list of the most important qualities in a good partner/friend for you. Also think about that boy from your younger days who you really liked in a platonic way — what was he like? Would someone like him appeal to you today, romantically? Consider mixing up your BC social life a bit. You may encounter some new faces that will surprise you. It’s a tough process, but good to face if you know you’re on the wrong path.
![Will [redacted] marry me?](https://library.bc.edu/answerwall/wp-content/uploads/2020/01/aw011020-redacted-3.jpg)
There’s only one way to find out – and it’s not by asking ME. Best wishes!
For the most likely birth decades for those marrying now, Nicholas was the 19th most popular baby name for boys in the 80s, and Rachel was the 16th most popular for girls. In the 90s, Nicholas jumped to 6th, while Rachel inched upward to 15th. That’s a lot of Nicks and Rachels out there, so the likelihood of a Nick/Rachel marriage is quite high. BTW, this data comes from the Social Secuirty Administration (bit.ly/SSANamesData) and it’s fun to play with.
Call, text, skype, write letters. Keep up with each other on social media. Stay busy. Make new friends. And be sad, sometimes, because it’s hard missing your friend. But not all the time.
Sorry it’s not working! “Students with roommate concerns should first speak with their Resident Assistant, who will work with them to mediate roommate conflicts. If the mediation process is not successful, students should then speak with their Resident Director, who will evaluate the situation to determine if a room change is necessary and, if so, assist students with that process.” bit.ly/BCHousingProb
A crush often involves having a very idealized perception of who someone is. Hypothetically speaking, If you’ve placed someone on a pedestal based on feelings of attraction, odds are your crush is real.
It looks like you’re not alone in being alone. Be patient, be kind to yourself and others, be your authentic self, and trust that someone will turn up. Meanwhile, build and maintain friendships and family bonds. We all need relationships for sustenance, but they needn’t be romantic ones.
