Answering questions at Boston College O’Neill Library
I have fallen hard for walls in my past, though I currently have a not-so-secret crush on the lobby door. A long term, sustainable human/wall relationship sounds problematic to me. While walls can be very solid and supportive, after a while I could see you crying to your BFF, “It’s like talking to a wall….”
I love them, thanks for sharing! Did you know Canada geese mate for life?
Don’t overthink it. Say hello sometime and talk to him about anything other than you having a crush on him. Good luck!
Hey! That is one of the standard romantic problems. You never get a guarantee about how someone will react. If you tell him, you’ll know. If he’s not in the same place as you emotionally, that’s something you should know too. It might be awkward, it might be bad, it might be really great. Those are, unfortunately, the breaks.
🙁 I’m sorry this happened to you. You deserve the honest love of someone that truely cares about you. Unfortunately, some people simply don’t have the emotional insight to understand how their actions affect others. I know there will be others and that someone – many people – are out there for you. The wall does not believe in only one true love, there are good partners out there for you.
Or should I just ignore them and run away and book a flight back?
I don’t know anything about your relationship with your parents, so my response will have to be a very general one. Here is the Massachusetts page on policies for re-opening businesses: mass.gov/info-details/reopening-massachusetts. If they’re not comfortable with those precautions, that’s up to them. If you’re over 18 and have your own source of money, you can make whatever decision you want, but think long and hard about the long-term impact on your relationship with your parents.
It sounds like something happened that has broken your trust with friends. ? I’m really sorry that happened. If some friends are not maintaining contact as much as you’d like during this crisis, I’d advise giving them some room. We’re all reacting to this in different ways. Some are reaching out, others are closing down. As to how to pick friends? Extend trust & see what happens. Sadly, there’s no formula.
With tears. And as long as someone is alive (though perhaps far away), with the recognition that it’s not necessarily forever.
If it’s only a crush, it would not be incest. Acting on that crush could be incest, but opinions on cousin-to-cousin relations vary by culture. In most jurisdictions it is not illegal for cousins to have sexual relations, although societal mores may not permit it.
This one is best left to the realm of daydream and fantasy; turning this into a reality – even if possible – could have disasterous effects under the University’s revised Consensual Relationship Policy: bit.ly/RelationshipPol
![Prof. [redacted] is hot](https://library.bc.edu/answerwall/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/AW02252020-09-e1582680762602.jpeg)
Even so, still not ok. Learning to have self control and not act on all your desires is part of adulting.
You don’t need to say or do anything other than continuing to be a supportive friend. It’s curious the woman in question doesn’t want to acknowledge dating your friend, but sometimes people don’t want to go public with these things right away; to protect the new relationship and to treasure it for a while without outside commentary/input.
Nothing is wrong. However, you may have some awkward moments. Changing the stakes of a relationship can lead one or both to feeling uncomfortable if the terms aren’t clear. Communicate openly & honestly, and be prepared to resume “just friends” if the other person isn’t comfortable with the change.
Grad school can be a lonely time, but there are ways to make it better. Try some events held by The Office of Graduate Student Life (bit.ly/BC-graduate-life) – Waffle Wednesdays sound very appealing! Also, you could talk to the staff at Murray House, who have creating community among grad students at BC as part of their mission.
The Door and I exchanged Very Significant Looks on Valentine’s Day.
![Last Date ideas? [Wall themed please]](https://library.bc.edu/answerwall/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/20200217_0431472.jpg)
I suppose if the decision was reached mutually and you both want to establish a new mode of “just friends,” I’d say do something that just friends commonly do. Sports, for instance, keep you occupied without demanding much emotional engagement. Maybe take lessons at a climbing wall? But if you’re talking about a breakup date, it’s going to suck no matter where you’ve gone, so why sweat the location, other than making sure there are enough walls to provide some privacy. There will be tears.
For a breakup? Huh. Sounds creepy. If you’re gonna break up, at least do it somewhere warm with sugary treats.
We grow, we change. It’s ok to move on and make new friends. I would give it some time, though, to make sure that you’re just not in a mood where everything is annoying you. And not burn bridges or ghost people. Old friends turn up later on, and that can be a beautful thing.
Men are baffling. Capable both of interpreting any possible hint as interest and of missing the most obvious signs. Ultimately you’re going to have to tell him and see how he responds. If you’ve been just hanging out, maybe invite him on something that is unmistakably a date?
It is not wrong if you are honest about it. As long as all the individuals involved understand and agree with the relationship’s nature, conditions, and limitations, it should be okay.
I think this is going to have to be “the one that got away.” BC policy states”the policy prohibits any faculty member, employee, graduate assistant, or undergraduate teaching assistant from engaging in a romantic or sexual relationship, or in any romantic or sexual conduct, with any individual whom they supervise, teach, advise, evaluate, counsel, or coach” http://bit.ly/BCRevConsent
I gather that this type of guy is not the right type of guy for you. You can start by making an appointment with University Counseling, or find a private therapist to help you work through this pattern. And write down a list of the most important qualities in a good partner/friend for you. Also think about that boy from your younger days who you really liked in a platonic way — what was he like? Would someone like him appeal to you today, romantically? Consider mixing up your BC social life a bit. You may encounter some new faces that will surprise you. It’s a tough process, but good to face if you know you’re on the wrong path.
