Answering questions at Boston College O’Neill Library
It’s time when you have the opportunity and when you want to, it’s really not harder than that. You can also change your mind at any time. Other people’s expectations aren’t really relevant to what’s right and comfortable for you.
I’ve been getting this question a lot lately. The part where you’re trying to figure out if the other person is interested is scary, but unavoidable. My advice is 1) talk to more people generally and 2) be direct. “I’d like to ask you on a date to do X” is much easier for everyone involved. There are only two possible answers. One hurts, but one is pretty great. Be brave!
Be honest and brave and communicate directly. Be clear with yourself how you would react if they were interested in getting back together and whether you would want to be “just friends”. Then… ask them what their intentions are This is a hard conversation to have, but it could save you (both) a long period of frustration and possibly unfounded hopes (on one side or the other.)
It would be nice if the heart were so unambiguous. Sometimes it does take some conversations to get clarity in order to move on.
It is hard to realize when you are in a program as intense as CSON, but there are actually other schools at Boston College, so broaden your search. If you can, join some university activities. Best of luck in finding love!
It can be as simple as saying hi to someone, or even smiling at someone walking by. Answering honestly or with more than the most brief answer can be another way as well. Most importantly, know people are interested in getting to know you (I certainly am!).
There’s no perfect answer to this question, but I hope you know that being single doesn’t mean there’s anything missing from your life or anything wrong with you. Try and appreciate your independence for the opportunities it allows you to learn more about yourself–your values, what makes you happy, and what you hope to find in a partner one day. When the right one comes along, you might be grateful for the time you had to get to know yourself.
Talk to more people generally. And talk to girls because you like talking to them, not because you have an agenda. Confidence is only one of the things people find attractive.
I’m in general in favor of second chances, but in this case it’s much more complicated. You have your finger on the issue, trust. You can’t have a lasting relationship without it. Our collection is a little more oriented toward helping future therapists learn how to help couples with this, but it might help you to look at a few things from this list at Boston Public Library: https://bit.ly/bc-infidelity. Because you’re at BC you’re eligible for a library card there, but you can also use our interlibrary loan service to request copies of what you want. My condolences, that is the hardest thing. And good luck to you as well.
![怎样去爱别人zěn yàng qù ài bié rén [How to love others?]](https://library.bc.edu/answerwall/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/AW12132023-4.jpg)
How to love others? With some virtues that harmonize with love: patience, trust, care, gratitude, humor, empathy, and loyalty. Just take care that if you only ever get few of those in return, your love might be misplaced.
You don’t have to achieve a state of perfection – people continue to grow throughout life. If you are willing to be open and keep the other person’s best interests in mind, you are ready. But maybe take things slow if you are unsure.
It often depends on the person, in my limited experience as a wall. I have noticed that listening to people is often the first step, and from that listening you will get insight into what else will show them you care.
You don’t have to achieve a state of perfection – people continue to grow throughout life. If you are willing to be open and keep the other person’s best interests in mind, you are ready. But maybe take things slow if you are unsure.
Be yourself. It’s scary when you want a certain outcome, but talking to girls is not really different from talking to anyone else. Start a conversation about anything and don’t worry too much.
I’m sorry you’re in that place; breakups are painful. The passage of time, and new interests (not necessarily new love interests) will help make the misery fade. Be kind to yourself!
I am not a poet, however many others who are have written poems you might like. Take a look at Seamus Heaney’s “Scaffolding,” Joy Harjo’s “For Keeps,” and Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s “How Do I Love Thee?” And maybe, if none of these are quite what you want, you could write the poem you’re hoping for.
Oh, I hope you can lose the guilt. I expect your family is so proud to have you at BC. It is just a brief moment in time; you have a lifetime of opportunities ahead to give back and pay it forward; to your family who has supported you, to your own kids if you have them, and to the larger world.
Making friends can be hard – you’re not alone. If it is distressing you, you could talk with someone at University Counseling (bit.ly/BC-counseling) or sign up for Wellness Coaching at bit.ly/BC-wellness-coach (building meaningful relationships is one of their target topics.)
Don’t be chismosa! Even though it must have been a huge shock, this is something you need to work out with your BF between the two of you.
Right?!? It’s wild to imagine that kind of drama unfolding right here. But it could also be evidence that there’s a whole lot of exploration going on. I hope people are able to be emotionally honest with themselves and others and avoid hurting each other unnecessarily.
I think that falling for your straight best friend is basically a queer rite of passage. I’m sorry you’re currently in the middle of it, but it will pass and someday it’ll probably be a funny anecdote you tell.
Right?!? It’s wild to imagine that kind of drama unfolding right here. But it could also be evidence that there’s a whole lot of exploration going on. I hope people are able to be emotionally honest with themselves and others and avoid hurting each other unnecessarily.
If you aren’t even getting 5 hours of sleep, that could be impeding your luck in finding a special someone. So, I’d advise addressing that first The Center for Student Wellness has many resources on improving sleep and you can also get individual wellness coaching.
