Category: Relationships

Probably not, unfortunately. As you may have noticed if you have been around for a while, the Wall has a privacy policy when it comes to identifying anyone who would not be considered a celebrity or public person. That means we would have to cross out/redact any identifying names and pictures. And that would put a definite crimp in a library crush board!

If you are asking about your ability to have sex in the library, I suppose you can (assuming you and your partner are healthy and willing). If you are asking for permission, the answer is no.

In some ways, being with people you care about is harder because you have an expectation that you will agree on most things. When agreement doesn’t happen the conflict is more distressing than when you disagree with someone you don’t care so much about. When you are having a conflict with a friend, remember that it is just a disagreement about one thing. Don’t let the disagreement overshadow the friendship.

If there’s an Answer Wall theme for this month – especially today – it seems to be everyone trying to find their peeps. BC’s a big place, and nothing makes you feel at home like making friends, and, in many cases, connecting with people who share your culture. Maybe check in with L@BC (bit.ly/LatBC)? Say yeah, yeah yeah….

When two people have different experiences, assumptions, and family life, they likely have to work harder to understand each other. Since you asked about studies, here’s a literature review of 50 years of research on interracial marriages: bit.ly/50-years-loving (BC access only). For a more narrative perspective, try the recent film Loving (Law Library feature film collection), about the couple in the landmark Supreme Court case. The advantage of ethnic and SES differences is that you can’t help but recognize & address them; many couples have differences they never acknowledge until it’s too late. In that sense, differences are universal, and you just need to focus on honesty, trust, and compassion.

Um, gross. Perhaps a more respectful tone would serve you better.

First, go ahead and listen to songs about heartbreak and cry. Then find completeness within yourself. Options: friends, religion, mindfulness meditation, therapy, lots of ice-cream… or just learning to enjoy who you are and what you do without looking for validation from other people. You have my sympathy. If you really can’t shake it, counseling services have some better suggestions: bit.ly/BC-counseling

Be yourself! Get to know people: chat with people in your class while waiting for the professor. Offer to buy someone coffee or share a table at lunch. Join a few clubs and get to know everyone. The more people you get to know, the more likely you’ll find someone special. Oh, one final thing: did you ever notice how it’s hard to talk to someone when their staring at their phone? That ‘s true for people trying to talk to you, too. Make yourself accessible.

I’m sorry a boy did something that aggravated you. People are prone to be aggravating. Here are some ways to be aggravating: lie or exaggerate, do something after being asked to stop, fail to listen, break confidences, mind others’ business, brag, complain unproductively, argue frequently, take credit for someone else’s idea, talk over someone, keep silent about what’s bothering you, explain as if someone else is clueless, make broad indefensible generalizations, forget a date or appointment, assume the worst of someone else’s behavior, be quick to aggravate, pretend innocence after doing something aggravating… do any of these sound familiar? Let’s all make a solemn vow to minimize how much we do these things, & we’ll all get along a little better.

Making friends is very hard – so many things have to go right. As you grow older, you spend less time with a given group of people, and that makes it even harder to find friends. In high school, there’s tons of opportunity to make friends since you’re with (mostly) the same people for hours a day. In college, that’s less true. All you can do is continue to join clubs and put yourself out there. If you’re feeling lonely or depressed, you can also reach out to Counseling Services which might be able to give you more personal advice: bit.ly/BC-counseling.

Many people (including Bill and Hillary Clinton) have found love in a library, so you’re choice of location has promise. Otherwise, picking up someone in a library doesn’t differ much from anywhere else. Make eye contact and determine if the other person is interested in you. If they might be, start a conversation with some general questions to see how interested they really are. Leave the area if you make them uncomfortable (you don’t want to become a stalker). And if you’re trying to pick up a librarian, here are some lines that don’t work (bit.ly/pickup-librarian)

Taking up a new hobby or learning a new skill together can be very refreshing. Maybe try salsa dancing? Learning Icelandic? Also recognizing that while there will always be some fresh things, because we grow and change, constant novelty is not necessarily key to maintaining a relationship; on the flip side you get the richness of shared experience as time goes by.

Try a change of direction or tone: (Short, brunette, nice. AND AWESOME). Add a quirky detail that says what’s different about you from others of similar size, hair color, and tone. Say what kind of photos you like. One memorable detail goes a long way.