Category: Relationships

There are a whole bunch of things that could make that a tricky situation. But consider: there are lots of reasons why a relationship might not work out, many of which you can’t find out about until you know someone better. If you have concerns, be open about them, but the Wall encourages you not to worry too much about things that might happen. If there is trouble later you can address it then.

The Wall can’t tell how to read the word suffer, so it has a couple of answers. TLDR: Dump them. If you mean “suffer” generally: Directly. Quickly. Trying to soften the blow or wait for a good time tends not to work out all that well. You’re under no obligation to stay somewhere that makes you unhappy. If “suffer” means you feel unwell the answer might be the same–but also consider reaching out to campus Counseling Services (bit.ly/BC-counseling) or Campus Ministry’s pastoral counseling (bit.ly/bc-campus-ministry), depending on what sort of advice you’d like. If you’re feeling unsafe, call BCPD

Maybe tell the boy about your roommate? No, but seriously. Directly, leaving no ambiguity, but kindly, such as: “I had a good time, but it just didn’t seem right for me. You’ll find the right person.” It will be awkward, and somewhat painful for the recipient, but the best course is honesty & clarity.

The timing on these things can be rough. Love often arrives when it’s inconvenient. Try making plans to do some stuff you’re really excited about, and then do them.

First, find a friend. Second, see if the friendship develops into something more. Finding a boyfriend or girlfriend is basically the same process. If you are unsure where to find other gay/bi guys, you could start with BC resources: bit.ly/BCLGBTQ and even the Commonwealth has a website for LGBTQ youth: bit.ly/ma-lgbtq .

IF the boys all know & are fine with it, and you evaluate the source of your guilt & decide it’s not an issue and that the consequences of your activity really have no foreseeable harms to yourself or others, then continue. That’s a lot of ifs, though. Proceed with caution when the potential benefit is short-term pleasure and potential costs are broken hearts, betrayals, or a failure to value yourself.

It might be time for a check-in on the relationship. Talk to him about it, but try to do it in terms of behavior. “When you do [thing] it makes me feel [feeling]” That gives a little more emotional space to have a conversation rather than a fight. But if you feel like your boyfriend isn’t interested in you, that is a conversation to have now.

It is sad when the people you count on for support leave you to go it alone. But I don’t think skipping your finals would be a good idea at all. Maybe let him know you miss him and make plans to travel with him in the future? If you could use some unconditional love, our therapy dogs are coming in through Finals & tonight’s the last night – see the schedule: bit.ly/PuppersBC

It seems sensible to wonder if that’s all he has in mind. You get to say what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not.

If he’s the love of your life, you stick with him, even at a distance. Relationships at a distance can be hard, because of what you’ll miss: touch. And you’ll have to work hard on communicating, but technology helps. Once upon a time, you’d have had to depend on letters. I recommend reading letters of famous couples, like John & Abigail Adams, or J.P. Sartre & Simone de Beauvoir. And then enjoy the luxury of Skype, Facetime, etc. Or did you mean you only just met him, and you’re not an item yet? In that case, throw all caution to the winds & tell him!

As you grow and mature as your own, independent person, you will begin to find that “home” feels less like home. Your home is here, or maybe somewhere else that you feel most comfortable. That doesn’t make you a bad person – it means that you’re gaining an independent sense of self and that’s a good thing. BUT, home is also where your family will be and that can be a double-sided coin: it’s common to love your family, but also get tired of them after a while (and not to look forward to being with them). We’re excited to have you back in January, fam!

If it felt awkward the last time you asked someone out it probably will the next time also. It’s at least a little awkward for most people, so don’t stress. Just ask.