Answering questions at Boston College O’Neill Library
Looks like you’ve got a few post-it writers on the same page today. The challenge will be finding them! I’m sorry to say this isn’t really set up to be a dating site, in spite of the number of questions posted here regarding relationships.
I can think of many options, but most of them involve sacrificing your dignity or lying, so that’s the challenge, isn’t it: how to get this to happen discreetly & honestly. I hear chocolates & flowers sometimes help. Something to keep in mind, too, is that it’s not like the day is magical or anything, and was originally about an entirely different kind of love. IOW, no shame in experiencing other kinds of love on Valentine’s Day.
Yes, that is certainly a key element in the process.
It’s a tough call. There’s nothing better than being in love with your best friend, but love doesn’t always work out. If that happens, you could be out of a best friend, which would be distressing. Are you willing to take the risk? Only you can decide that.
This is one way, for sure. You could also try locating a Post-It nearer the Tech Desk. There are probably non-Post-It options also.
My helpers tell me it’s good to be active and “out there” if you want meet people, romantic or otherwise. Would a campus snowshoeing trip be for you? Check out BC Rec – Outdoor Adventures – for group outings. How about in the spring joining in on some ultimate frisbee? Cultural/religious programs and events might do the trick. You can always go old school and tell your friends and neighbors you are looking for a match. You never know.
![How do I know if I like him or just the idea of him? [response: you can't :/]](https://library.bc.edu/answerwall/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/aw021119-2.jpg)
Gotta agree with Anonymous Responder here. The only way to get to know someone (and yourself) is to get to know them.
Although good peer pressure can keep you on track, bad peer pressure can derail you. I think you already know what you should be doing, so don’t look to your peers for pressure- that can come from within.
It makes me sad to think of you missing out on the fun. Crushes are hard, but it’s best to keep living your life until they subside – and they do! Maybe go to your formal and resolve to engage with lots of other people?
Everyone experiences love differently, and it tends to be a little different each time, so it’s hard to generalize. Do you want to be? Because even in a stereotypical romance, after the initial phase of blurry happiness, love is ultimately about choosing to be a particular way with a particular person.
However you choose to tell them, do it soon so they can start to make other plans for the lottery. I reckon they’d rather you be awkward and prompt than late and full of grace & wit.
There are a whole bunch of things that could make that a tricky situation. But consider: there are lots of reasons why a relationship might not work out, many of which you can’t find out about until you know someone better. If you have concerns, be open about them, but the Wall encourages you not to worry too much about things that might happen. If there is trouble later you can address it then.
![Will you date me? [response: Sure ;p]](https://library.bc.edu/answerwall/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/aw013019-6.jpg)
1/30/2019 12:48pm (time thrown in for good measure). If you’re seeking a romantic relationship, I should say that I’m already pretty attached to O’Neill Library.
When people share 4 walls, it’s a good idea to check with others about inviting guests, and to make it clear whether it’s an everyone-together event, or a pair-bonding event. It’s reasonable to want to want clarity about how your shared space is being used & whether you’re part of things. It doesn’t need to be a confrontation; just ask politely if they can let you know, so you can plan to be there if you’re to be a part of things or plan to trek to the library if not. Forced triples are awkward & new for everyone; try to let go of your annoyance, but don’t abandon your own needs in the process.
The Wall can’t tell how to read the word suffer, so it has a couple of answers. TLDR: Dump them. If you mean “suffer” generally: Directly. Quickly. Trying to soften the blow or wait for a good time tends not to work out all that well. You’re under no obligation to stay somewhere that makes you unhappy. If “suffer” means you feel unwell the answer might be the same–but also consider reaching out to campus Counseling Services (bit.ly/BC-counseling) or Campus Ministry’s pastoral counseling (bit.ly/bc-campus-ministry), depending on what sort of advice you’d like. If you’re feeling unsafe, call BCPD
You should try to bring them along rather than “overcome” them. It is you they most care about, and their understanding and acceptance of your relationship has to start with accepting your LGBTQ identity. The process is easy for some parents and nearly impossible for others, so it is hard for me to say what will work for them. If they are into support groups, PFLAG may be helpful (pflag.org).
Maybe tell the boy about your roommate? No, but seriously. Directly, leaving no ambiguity, but kindly, such as: “I had a good time, but it just didn’t seem right for me. You’ll find the right person.” It will be awkward, and somewhat painful for the recipient, but the best course is honesty & clarity.
The timing on these things can be rough. Love often arrives when it’s inconvenient. Try making plans to do some stuff you’re really excited about, and then do them.
![Right here, bby ;) [response: ahahaha text me then LOL]](https://library.bc.edu/answerwall/wp-content/uploads/2019/01/aw011519-2.jpg)
First, find a friend. Second, see if the friendship develops into something more. Finding a boyfriend or girlfriend is basically the same process. If you are unsure where to find other gay/bi guys, you could start with BC resources: bit.ly/BCLGBTQ and even the Commonwealth has a website for LGBTQ youth: bit.ly/ma-lgbtq .
IF the boys all know & are fine with it, and you evaluate the source of your guilt & decide it’s not an issue and that the consequences of your activity really have no foreseeable harms to yourself or others, then continue. That’s a lot of ifs, though. Proceed with caution when the potential benefit is short-term pleasure and potential costs are broken hearts, betrayals, or a failure to value yourself.
It might be time for a check-in on the relationship. Talk to him about it, but try to do it in terms of behavior. “When you do [thing] it makes me feel [feeling]” That gives a little more emotional space to have a conversation rather than a fight. But if you feel like your boyfriend isn’t interested in you, that is a conversation to have now.
