Answering questions at Boston College O’Neill Library
I am sorry to hear that you are in a perplexing situation. I think that the best way to move forward would be to be communicate with them- ask them what is bothering them, or if the situation calls for it, apologize. Everyone processes conflict differently, so be aware that a resolution might take time.
It is certainly a sterotypical view that college students (of all genders) tend to be more promiscuous than the population as a whole. Obviously, stereotypes aren’t true for every individual and often not true on any level. I don’t know if BC has a larger population of male students that are looking for no-strings-attached relationships than any other large college. It can certainly feel frustrating if you’re looking for something else in a potential partner. Perhaps if you are looking for more depth in your relationships, you can try striking up friendships to assess a potential partner before moving to more romantic relationship. You will find someone – I believe in you.
Looks like your choices are social media or playing it old-school: phone or (gasp) writing a letter. But perhaps during one of those encounters the two of you might possibly settle on a time to meet for coffee? I hope you get to spend some IRL time together soon.
It is a bit unusual I’ll admit… But every family has their own kinds of relationships and interactions. Brady kisses his own father on the mouth, so he probably doesn’t think anything weird of it at all. Some would argue that we should be celebrating that a father is so willing to show such intimate affection for his son. But the Wall does recognize that this kind of display is more intimate than many people are used to. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I bet she works very hard at her awesomeness (though probably some of it is innate.) In any case, lucky, lucky you,. Make sure she knows how you feel about it. I may have mentioned before, my Mom is a sea wall on the North Shore, and she is mega awesome, too – you should see her in a storm surge!
Are you arty? You can draw him a picture on a tiny notecard, or paint a landscape on a small piece of watercolor paper. Like theatre or music? Then tickets to a show. Have any culinary skills? Cook him a meal. Not so much on the creative curve, but if he has a car — fill up his tank.
What you’re looking for is a nearly impossible balance. Which is worse, to err on the side of subtle and not be noticed, or to err on the side of too obvious but be rejected? Overbearing only happens if you’re overly persistent in the face of rejection. The Wall says: be flamboyant. Stake everything on love. (But let a close friend know you might need their shoulder if it falls flat.)
If you’re still wondering whether you should, ask yourself two questions: can I live with his faults? Can I live without his virtues? If the answers are anything but “yes” and “no,” this relationship will end eventually, and it’s up to you when you want that to happen. If you’re certain, then the answer is soon, unequivocally, and with clear reasons. Be as gentle as circumstances allow, but be firm. There will be tears, but that’s OK. You might want to make sure a close friend is available for the aftermath.
Many friendships morph or fizzle. But in our world of screens (social media/texting) this stuff can be tough. You’re probably familiar with the avoidance dance. How about the honest and direct (in person!), “I don’t like how you’ve been treating me.” Really hard. But you may learn more about that “friend” and yourself after that.
Hi, sorry about the delay, but your post-it got lost among the bonanza of this week’s questions. I hope everything worked out on Valentine’s Day, and everyone lived happily ever after. (Note: I’ve had my assistants remove some potentially identifying information from this question.)
I’m not much of a matchmaker; I think you’re looking for one of those online services I’ve heard of?
Looks like you’ve got a few post-it writers on the same page today. The challenge will be finding them! I’m sorry to say this isn’t really set up to be a dating site, in spite of the number of questions posted here regarding relationships.
I can think of many options, but most of them involve sacrificing your dignity or lying, so that’s the challenge, isn’t it: how to get this to happen discreetly & honestly. I hear chocolates & flowers sometimes help. Something to keep in mind, too, is that it’s not like the day is magical or anything, and was originally about an entirely different kind of love. IOW, no shame in experiencing other kinds of love on Valentine’s Day.
Yes, that is certainly a key element in the process.
It’s a tough call. There’s nothing better than being in love with your best friend, but love doesn’t always work out. If that happens, you could be out of a best friend, which would be distressing. Are you willing to take the risk? Only you can decide that.
This is one way, for sure. You could also try locating a Post-It nearer the Tech Desk. There are probably non-Post-It options also.
My helpers tell me it’s good to be active and “out there” if you want meet people, romantic or otherwise. Would a campus snowshoeing trip be for you? Check out BC Rec – Outdoor Adventures – for group outings. How about in the spring joining in on some ultimate frisbee? Cultural/religious programs and events might do the trick. You can always go old school and tell your friends and neighbors you are looking for a match. You never know.
![How do I know if I like him or just the idea of him? [response: you can't :/]](https://library.bc.edu/answerwall/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/aw021119-2.jpg)
Gotta agree with Anonymous Responder here. The only way to get to know someone (and yourself) is to get to know them.
Although good peer pressure can keep you on track, bad peer pressure can derail you. I think you already know what you should be doing, so don’t look to your peers for pressure- that can come from within.
It makes me sad to think of you missing out on the fun. Crushes are hard, but it’s best to keep living your life until they subside – and they do! Maybe go to your formal and resolve to engage with lots of other people?
Everyone experiences love differently, and it tends to be a little different each time, so it’s hard to generalize. Do you want to be? Because even in a stereotypical romance, after the initial phase of blurry happiness, love is ultimately about choosing to be a particular way with a particular person.
