Answering questions at Boston College O’Neill Library
If your friends can’t respect that, there’s a big problem with them. Peer pressure to use drugs is ugly enough to begin with, without adding the risk of allergic reactions to the mix. It’s just a few days away, but I hope you can be firm about your intentions and get some agreement from them before heading there. And have a fantastic trip!
Should you go to the Connors Family Learning Center for tutoring in a huge variety of subjects? YES! Oh, is that not what you meant? IDK, because I don’t know who Connor is & whether or not they’d like to be had by you. It’s kind of contingent on that.
My understanding is that Kairos retreat leaders are fellow students, so it doesn’t seem like there’s an issue – why not ask him/her out and see where it goes? You already know you have interests in common.
![I want to feel less self-conscious [with drawing of mascara eyes]](https://library.bc.edu/answerwall/wp-content/uploads/2019/02/aw022719-3.jpg)
I get you – there are days when I feel like everyone is staring at me. Oh, wait – they are. But in your case, if it is negatively affecting your life a lot, talk to Counseling Services (bit.ly/BC-counseling).
Judging by posts lately, you are so not alone. Hold on for a bit and see what the springtime brings. The Wall will keep you company while you wait.
My cousin, The Magic 8 Ball, says “Cannot predict now.” It’s painful to love someone and not have them reciprocate. But please don’t let your unrequited love keep you from doing what you want to do in life, or keep you from considering relationships with other people.
Everyone deserves some love, but everyone also deserves some space. Please let your friend know that you need a break sometimes. If she’s crossing boundaries, let her know that, too. Ask yourself an honest question: am I trying to control my friend? If the answer is yes, give her some room.
Everybody handles breakups differently. Some people hide, some people want to line up the next date, some people want comfort food like boba. You can ask how to help, actually, it’s probably better.
Living in close quarters can be hard for everyone, especially when expectations are different. If you feel like it warrants addressing, invite your roommate to talk about their expectations & explain your own. You might want your roommate to be a close friend, and your roommate might want you to be someone they share space with equitably. If that’s the case, you might just need to seek close friendships elsewhere.
I am sorry to hear that you are in a perplexing situation. I think that the best way to move forward would be to be communicate with them- ask them what is bothering them, or if the situation calls for it, apologize. Everyone processes conflict differently, so be aware that a resolution might take time.
It is certainly a sterotypical view that college students (of all genders) tend to be more promiscuous than the population as a whole. Obviously, stereotypes aren’t true for every individual and often not true on any level. I don’t know if BC has a larger population of male students that are looking for no-strings-attached relationships than any other large college. It can certainly feel frustrating if you’re looking for something else in a potential partner. Perhaps if you are looking for more depth in your relationships, you can try striking up friendships to assess a potential partner before moving to more romantic relationship. You will find someone – I believe in you.
Looks like your choices are social media or playing it old-school: phone or (gasp) writing a letter. But perhaps during one of those encounters the two of you might possibly settle on a time to meet for coffee? I hope you get to spend some IRL time together soon.
It is a bit unusual I’ll admit… But every family has their own kinds of relationships and interactions. Brady kisses his own father on the mouth, so he probably doesn’t think anything weird of it at all. Some would argue that we should be celebrating that a father is so willing to show such intimate affection for his son. But the Wall does recognize that this kind of display is more intimate than many people are used to. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I bet she works very hard at her awesomeness (though probably some of it is innate.) In any case, lucky, lucky you,. Make sure she knows how you feel about it. I may have mentioned before, my Mom is a sea wall on the North Shore, and she is mega awesome, too – you should see her in a storm surge!
Are you arty? You can draw him a picture on a tiny notecard, or paint a landscape on a small piece of watercolor paper. Like theatre or music? Then tickets to a show. Have any culinary skills? Cook him a meal. Not so much on the creative curve, but if he has a car — fill up his tank.
What you’re looking for is a nearly impossible balance. Which is worse, to err on the side of subtle and not be noticed, or to err on the side of too obvious but be rejected? Overbearing only happens if you’re overly persistent in the face of rejection. The Wall says: be flamboyant. Stake everything on love. (But let a close friend know you might need their shoulder if it falls flat.)
If you’re still wondering whether you should, ask yourself two questions: can I live with his faults? Can I live without his virtues? If the answers are anything but “yes” and “no,” this relationship will end eventually, and it’s up to you when you want that to happen. If you’re certain, then the answer is soon, unequivocally, and with clear reasons. Be as gentle as circumstances allow, but be firm. There will be tears, but that’s OK. You might want to make sure a close friend is available for the aftermath.
Many friendships morph or fizzle. But in our world of screens (social media/texting) this stuff can be tough. You’re probably familiar with the avoidance dance. How about the honest and direct (in person!), “I don’t like how you’ve been treating me.” Really hard. But you may learn more about that “friend” and yourself after that.
Hi, sorry about the delay, but your post-it got lost among the bonanza of this week’s questions. I hope everything worked out on Valentine’s Day, and everyone lived happily ever after. (Note: I’ve had my assistants remove some potentially identifying information from this question.)
I’m not much of a matchmaker; I think you’re looking for one of those online services I’ve heard of?
