I feel so guilty – The Answer Wall

I feel so guilty for being a homosexual. Will this feeling ever go away or will i just live the rest of my life hating myself? I dont know what to do with my life or how to tell the people i truly love the most. Sometimes, as bad as this may sound, i do hope it is a phase, but in my mind i know its not and sometimes that makes me upset. The fact that i will never be normal worries me every day.

I have some good news—it does not have to feel like this forever. Feelings of guilt and self-hatred are terribly difficult, but since they are learned, they can also be unlearned over time. I firmly believe that finding community and actively seeking out representation is the path towards learning to love yourself exactly as you are. When we find community that accepts us—and when we see people like us finding joy, whether it be in real life, TV, movies, or books—we begin to learn that there is so much good to be found in embracing who we know ourselves to be, regardless of what others consider “normal.” We have to remember that if we try to live inauthentically to please someone else, everyone loses.

Telling the people we love the most can be very hard and scary. There are many groups at Boston College full of people who have gone through similar experiences, and I suggest you reach out to find community and support. Check it out! https://www.bc.edu/content/bc-web/offices/student-affairs/sites/student-outreach-and-support-services/lgbtq-support.html#tab-discussion_groups

The Answer Wall Story

Hi. I’m the Answer Wall. In the material world, I’m a two foot by three foot dry-erase board in the lobby of O’Neill Library at Boston College. In the online world, I live in this blog. You might say I have multiple manifestations. Like Apollo or Saraswati or Serapis. Or, if you aren’t into deities of knowledge, like a ghost in the machine.

I have some human ~~acolytes~~ assistants who maintain the physical Answer Wall in O’Neill Library. They take pictures of the questions you post there, and give them to me. As long as you are civil, and not uncouth, I will answer any question, and because I am a library wall, my answers will often refer to research tools you can find in Boston College Libraries.

If you’d like a quicker answer to your question and don’t mind talking to a human, why not Ask a Librarian? Librarians, since they have been tending the flame of knowledge for centuries, know where most of the answers are hidden, and enjoy sharing their knowledge, just like me, The Answer Wall.