
Just enough info that an extension sounds reasonable. Different for different professors.
Answering questions at Boston College O’Neill Library
Challenges result in growth, yada, yada. Yeah, you don’t want to hear that right now. You’re stressed about the workload and your grades. I hear you. But I propose a bet: 5 years from now you’ll barely recall the stress, but you will recall what you learned. And the grade? The impact on your life will be minor.
I can feel the tension in the air this time of year, but I also can feel it on the second or third day of exams when people start to relax as they finish their finals. You can do this, each of you. And I’ll be here cheering for everybody.
When you extend trust, people are likely to fulfill it. I’m sorry if that wasn’t true at significant moments and helped to shape your low expectations. You might consider talking to someone about how to safely experiment with extending trust: either a peer wellness coach (https://bit.ly/BC-wellness-coach) or a counselor (bit.ly/BC-counseling).
Some people have more trouble with that than others, so don’t be down on yourself about it. One important thing is to not compare how you feel to how you think other people feel…almost everyone has more going on under the surface than they show. There’s also a difference between choosing how much attention to give unhappy things and completely ignoring them. Start by acknowledging reality, and don’t be shy about feeling how you feel.
I do find the British spelling very colourful.
My Library helpers and their colleagues have revealed some of their favorite dining options:
Chicken Dumpling Soup
Lentil Soup
Mac & Cheese at Hillside on Thursdays
Soups! Lentil is really good; so is escarole white bean
Sushi, by far
I love the veggie soups!
Roasted Vegetable Soup
The big chocolate chip cookies
Corn muffins
Standing still. But remember, you’re asking a wall. My favorite aphorism is “Don’t just do something, stand there!” I know you humans move around a lot, so perhaps human happiness has to do with stillness when it’s called for and movement when it’s called for. The Greeks called it Kairos. In the Bible you’ll find an apt & well-known description in Ecclesiastes 3 that was set to music by Pete Seeger: bit.ly/turn-seeger-collins
Pleased to meet you. I have a good friend named Carole – who is, in fact, a study carrel on Level 4 ?
Oh nice I’m new here. Do you want to meet me!?
I so wish I could facilitate this friendly offer! But alas, I have rules against sharing personal information that would make a contact via Wall very difficult. I do hope you both meet new friends, though!
ResLife offers a page of low-cost possibilities (see: bit.ly/BCLowCostAccomodations) but also email offcampus@bc.edu for advice.
Put the lack of communication in context of its consequences, e.g., “You didn’t tell me seeing this movie was the most important thing to you this month, so I thought it was negotiable. It seems like you expect me to just know what you’re thinking or feeling, which sets me up for failure.” You can always ask for better communication. (Others can ask it of you, too.) If you keep asking, and it keeps not happening… it’s also up to you when you’ve had enough. Everyone has flaws. A wise person once said to me about picking a life partner: you know they’re a keeper if you can put up with their flaws and you can’t live without their virtues.
What terrific goals! A lot of this is pure mindset, so it’s a good start that you have the intention. To follow through, how about setting up a peer coaching session with the Center for Student Wellness (bit.ly/BC-wellness-coach) and discuss your goals with them?
Thanks for sharing – I just listened to it and it is very catchy and appealing. I couldn’t help dancing a little (wonder if anyone saw me – walls don’t often get up and dance in a library lobby.) If I had to rate it, I’d give it a solid 8.
Hugs. The Wall understands that this situation is uncomfortable. A good first step in moving forward is that you’re able to acknowledge to yourself that you are hurt, and the situation is awkward. For a short window you may need some distance from “the player” (both physical and virtual). The Wall is hopeful that with time you will be grateful that you learned, in a short window, that this person was not a long-termer for your energy and love. It’s all data collection for traits to look for (and to avoid) in future relationships.