Answering questions at Boston College O’Neill Library
All desire is on a spectrum. I, for one, am much more interested in architectural details than most. Have you ever closely examined a squinch? There are squinches that have given me chills. But I know they’re not for everybody. Pursue what moves you.
![WHY DOES SHE LIKE BITING ME? [Response: SHE IS A VAMPIRE -- or worse -- a cannibal.]](https://library.bc.edu/answerwall/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/aw032019-4.jpg)
Could be any number of reasons; vampire or cannibal top the list, for sure. However, is the “she” in question a toddler? Could be teething. A cat? Cats just dig that sort of thing. A grown up woman? It could be physically arousing. Or, if you are being very, very annoying – sometimes you just want to bite someone.
I can think of many options, but most of them involve sacrificing your dignity or lying, so that’s the challenge, isn’t it: how to get this to happen discreetly & honestly. I hear chocolates & flowers sometimes help. Something to keep in mind, too, is that it’s not like the day is magical or anything, and was originally about an entirely different kind of love. IOW, no shame in experiencing other kinds of love on Valentine’s Day.
Yes, that is certainly a key element in the process.
As a wall, I don’t engage in either of those activities, whether in baseball… or otherwise.
The Office of the Dean of Students offers “support, education, outreach, programs, and opportunities” for LGBTQ+ according to the brochures just to the left of me. If you see shortcomings or think those offerings are insufficient, please reach out to them. The Dean of Students, Tom Morgan, said: “contact us at 617-552-8574 or stop by Maloney 448.”
It really can get excited from anywhere on the globe, if the intensity of the movement is sufficient, but there are certainly some hot spots….
If you mean as in definition #5 here: bit.ly/CuddlefishDef, it doesn’t sound difficult. If you mean cuttlefish, cephalopods are well known for their intelligence, and I wouldn’t put it past them.
Attitudes about sex are complicated everywhere, not just here. Here’s a sampling of some sociological literature, with several different perspectives: bit.ly/bc-virginity. Even our library catalog, which contains a lot from a Church perspective on the subject, still shows a really broad range of approaches and attitudes: bit.ly/bc-virgin1. The Wall is a little baffled also.
These, from GLAAD, are a good start: bit.ly/TransAllyTips
Whichever positions (one of which could be abstinence) that both partners agree–with a lot of open, honest communication–are most satisfying.
He should be listening to you about what you like and what you don’t. Talk about what works for you on your own, or explore together if you don’t know. Dump him if he’s not interested in learning. If you’d like some reading material, the BC Libraries don’t have a great collection on sex instruction, but you can try searching for that in Worldcat (bc.on.worldcat.org) and have it delivered by interlibrary loan, or in the Boston Public Library, where all students are eligible for library cards (bpl.bibliocommons.com).
I don’t think there is a reserved way to ask a stranger if they’re into fisting. You could (and probably should) get to know him VERY well before you ask him. Alternatively, you could start with a conversation about more typical sexual interests and then see where his limits are. Whatever approach you take, please respect any indication that he is uncomfortable with the conversation and stop before you cross a line.
I’d recommend starting with the Dean of Students Office: bit.ly/BCLGBTQ. They can refer you to other places on campus as well.
Before you ask him out, you should know if he is straight, gay or bi. The best way to determine this is to get to know him first. This is true of any potential partner. Ask him to lunch, or study together, or go to a game. When it feels right, tell him you’re gay (or bi). If he’s into you too, he’ll let you know.
It sounds like you are pretty frustrated right now. Figuring out your sexual orientation can be a lifelong journey. Only you can determine that, and know that it may change over time. Sexuality is complex and has many forms. Also, in addition to sexual orientation there is personal attraction- you may be attracted to one or several different people, and that may help determine your sexuality or it might not. Sometimes it’s not clearly defined. I suggest you talk with your counselor about this, and staff in the Dean of Students Office who provide support to LGBTQ+ students: bit.ly/BCLGBTQ, campus ministry, or faculty: whoever you feel you can trust.
Self-identification of a sexuality does not delegitimize the sexuality, it is simply the act of selecting a sexuality that best describes one’s sexuality. Sexuality is complex and encompasses a broad spectrum of possibilities, and asexuality exists on that spectrum just like heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality, etc.
While there isn’t a LGBTQ Resource Center on campus, if you head over to Mahoney Hall 448, you can meet with Caroline Davis, Assistant Dean for Student Outreach & Support or the Grad Assistant for LGBTQ+ Student Outreach and Support who works with her. They serve as a hub for resources on campus and are always happy to meet with community members and provide support. To get to Mahoney Hall 448, head to the first floor of O’Neill and walk across the bridge to Mahoney Hall. You will enter on the fourth floor of the building.
Adding a sexual component to your BFship is risky business, whether you are adding it as a component of morphing your friendship into love, or whether it’s just for… convenience. You would need to be very, very sure that s/he was on the same page as you are, even on the subconscious level. I’m not just being a prudish wall when I say I would advise looking for sex within a committed relationship, and not potentially ruining something as sweet as a best friend relationship for brief pleasure.
While there are places and apps that make hooking up easy, they don’t work well for someone trying to find a meaningful same-sex relationship. The best way to find a partner is the same for any gender configuration– join groups that bring together people that share your interests or ask friends to introduce you to potential mates. Above all be casual about the process; it always takes longer than you want. Just remember that there is someone out there who is also looking for you, and you will find each other. You might start with BC resources: bit.ly/BCLGBTQ and even the Commonwealth has a website for LGBTQ youth: bit.ly/MA-lgbtq
