Answering questions at Boston College O’Neill Library
All desire is on a spectrum. I, for one, am much more interested in architectural details than most. Have you ever closely examined a squinch? There are squinches that have given me chills. But I know they’re not for everybody. Pursue what moves you.
What you’re looking for is how to be more tactful in your communication. And there’s probably a combination of learning how to let some things go without saying anything. Generally speaking, I don’t say anything at all unless someone asks me to. And some of this will just come with time and practice. But, since you’re looking for help today, there are plenty of resources here to help you. I recommend starting with Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, Second Edition (O’Neill Library: BF637.C45 C78 2012).
Yes. If you need your faith restored, watch Won’t You Be My Neighbor, the film about Fred Rogers. Some men really do try to live values like that. It’s possible that they don’t frequent the events or groups where you’re looking. Get involved in programs or groups that try to live values like those of Mr. Rogers’ (or other men you admire), and you might find some.
It depends on how much rejection you feel you can handle, and also the nature of “he blew me off.” Did it seem like he wanted to get together with you but was actually too busy? Or that he was really not interested? In the latter case, twice seems like you’ve given it a fair try, and I would worry that more than that may come across as annoying or unwanted attention.
Pros: Someone to hang out with, the potential joys of true love and/or physical intimacy, the possibility of meeting someone you’ll want to spend your life with (it sometimes happens here!). Cons: Takes time away from your studies and extra-curriculars, you might find your other friendships suffer if you’re not careful to prioritize them, you run the risk of a broken heart, and if everything goes perfectly – what happens when you graduate?
Hi! Hope this works out! But we’ll never know, because this wall lives and dies by anonymity.
Ask him. Easier said than done, I know. But don’t be afraid to take the risk and be vulnerable with the boy you like!
There’s no obligation to keep loving someone with whom you’ve broken up. It’s admirable to respect them if they’ve earned it. Perhaps you need to enact a ritual of some kind: e.g., get a nice container, put the keepsakes worth saving in it, lock it, and put it away. Or if you’re a more impulsive type, have a little bonfire… though you may later regret disposing of things in such a permanent way. Whatever you do, it sounds like it’s time to close a door, as painful as that may be.
Just be yourself! Focus your energy on what makes you a happier, stronger, more confident person. You might meet someone along the way, but even if it takes a while you’ll be a better you. You might even find that you don’t want a boyfriend after all, which is ok too!
Do you mean board games or video games? I’ve heard they can be a lot of fun. Try joining him. Do you mean mind games? That would be too bad. Being a Wall, I prefer people to be straight-up; I think life is just better when you can trust the important people in your life to be honest and direct.
I don’t know why. As they say, you can’t change people. But you have recognized that you don’t like their behavior. My suggestion is to take this window as a learning experience, and file it away as an example of how you will not treat people.
It happens. And it can be awkward. Maybe they or you are with someone else, there are lots of possible complications. All you can ultimately do is be honest…but remember that your having feelings doesn’t necessarily create an emergency for someone else. Love is a choice, and how you express it is also a choice.
We have some terrific parks and hiking areas near Boston; they are free or inexpensive, and with spring weather on the way, they could provide a very romantic setting. Take advantage of some museum freebies available through BC: bit.ly/MuseumPassesBC.
Great idea! Boston Common can be lovely in the Spring; bulbs are just starting to come up. In a week or two they’ll start to blossom.
Looks like someone else on the board is looking for a boyfriend, too, which suggests there’s someone for everyone. Can you find a GF for a roommate? IDK. Maybe what you can do is suggest this option: join some clubs with appealing activities. Other folks with the same interests is often a good place to begin.
Incentivize it with a fair deal, such as: Tell me which of my behaviors annoys you, and I’ll work diligently on eliminating it if you work on your snoring.
![WHY DOES SHE LIKE BITING ME? [Response: SHE IS A VAMPIRE -- or worse -- a cannibal.]](https://library.bc.edu/answerwall/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/aw032019-4.jpg)
Could be any number of reasons; vampire or cannibal top the list, for sure. However, is the “she” in question a toddler? Could be teething. A cat? Cats just dig that sort of thing. A grown up woman? It could be physically arousing. Or, if you are being very, very annoying – sometimes you just want to bite someone.
![CAN YOU HELP FALLING IN LOVE? [WITH SOMEONE]](https://library.bc.edu/answerwall/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/aw032019-1.jpg)
The King said he couldn’t help it, so I’m inclined to think nobody can. The King: bit.ly/elvis-cant-help Kina Grannis: bit.ly/kina-cant-help
You should talk about the person you are with. After all, the point of a first date is to get to know each other. Hopefully the other person will also ask you questions, so it feels like a date and not a one-sided interrogation. Above all, have fun!
Empathy. It can be extremely frustrating to care for someone deeply (as with a best friend) and disagree with the way they view the world. Just remember that they are humans too and have experiences that have guided them to their current viewpoints. I recommend engaging them on their experiences and asking what led them to see the world as they see it today. Also remember that you should be just as open about changing your views if they’re able to present a compelling argument. Mutual respect for each others’ opinions and open dialogue are how friendships blossom – the “education” part will come naturally if you focus on the dialogue.
It seems likely that you have have a much broader experience with the world than he does, and I suspect that plays a large role in the disconnect between you two on this one facet of your relationship. I don’t know how serious you are, or your life situation, but it might do you both some good to explore your native culture together. That could be as simple as scheduling video chats with your friends and family back home for the two of you, or as extravagant as having him come visit you in your home country. Seeing the human side of the “other” is a powerful way to break down privileged views of your own culture. It’s doubtful that he or his family mean any ill will when they take you in as a guest. It’s worth noting that simply by the fact that this is their home country, they will have more institutionalized power and comfort than you. I don’t think that’s right, but the opposite would be true if he were an international student in your country. No matter what, I think it’s important that you’re honest with him about your feelings. If the relationship is important, he will take them to heart. If not, then perhaps you’ve done yourself a favor long term.
