Category: Relationships

I’m sorry to hear you have some relationship struggles. Communication struggles are not impossible to overcome but do require patience. It’s hard to give relationship advice from my position as a wall, so I highly recommend talking to someone, perhaps in Counseling Services: bit.ly/BC-counseling

Spend more time with people generally. Go new places, do things you enjoy. Worry less about what kinds of friends you’re making, and make more friends.

Hm, with me and the front door, I just hung out here long enough that eventually they noticed me. Maybe just be around him a bunch? And be kind? And be yourself?

I don’t really understand this term “friendzone.” From my perspective more friendship is always positive.

Sorry about that, it’s an under-appreciated worst thing. 1) Feel your feelings. This is a kind of grief, so you might be sad or angry or a bunch of things. Give yourself space to feel that. 2) Take no for an answer. If you can be friends with them, great, but that might not feel OK to you. That’s fine. But the Hollywood storyline where you make them change their mind is not a good model here–IRL it’s at least borderline stalkery. 3) Live your life enthusiastically and you will meet many more lovely people, some of whom you’ll click with.

Oh, my human friends tell me this can be a tough transitional time.   Some tips: limit your time on the Socials; explore a new BC club; and connect/reconnect with your friends.  Hugs.

This is heavily dependent on circumstances. Humans get on each others’ nerves, so it isn’t necessarily something to take personally, but it is something to approach with curiosity and a little humility. What are people reacting to? Once you identify that you’ll have a clearer idea how to feel about it.

This tends to fall under “all’s fair in love and war” unless you have a particularly close relationship with either the boyfriend or who your roommate is cheating with. Support your friend even if you think it’s a bad idea. But the aged Wall will observe that there are reasons for the older tradition of not kissing and telling, and one of them is avoiding situations like this.

I don’t think there’s an easy fix to make missing someone less painful. Trying to video call regularly, finding ways to do things together virtually over distance, are two ways that can help mitigate some of the ache. But a lot of it is just missing someone for a lot of the time.

Yay! That must make you very happy.

I think it’s a good sign that she’s openly communicating about the other man she sees in her sleep! You shouldn’t be insecure, it would be much worse if she were hiding this from you.

For building structures such as myself and my beloved (the Lobby Door), a 21 year age gap is quite insignificant. Now, for you humans; it can work or it can be a dysfunctional disaster. It depends very much on the individual circumstances (and ages – 18 & 39 is a whole other kettle of fish than 48 & 69.)

You have the right to expect your partner to treat you the way you want to be treated. One option would be to lay out your expectations and see how he reacts. But all relationships are at will, so sometimes the right answer is to move on.

Sometimes ” end it” is the best option. Working on it – especially communication – is another option to try. As a wall, looking out at humans, I have seen good outcomes with either option.

It’s time when you have the opportunity and when you want to, it’s really not harder than that. You can also change your mind at any time. Other people’s expectations aren’t really relevant to what’s right and comfortable for you.

I’ve been getting this question a lot lately. The part where you’re trying to figure out if the other person is interested is scary, but unavoidable. My advice is 1) talk to more people generally and 2) be direct. “I’d like to ask you on a date to do X” is much easier for everyone involved. There are only two possible answers. One hurts, but one is pretty great. Be brave!

Be honest and brave and communicate directly. Be clear with yourself how you would react if they were interested in getting back together and whether you would want to be “just friends”. Then… ask them what their intentions are This is a hard conversation to have, but it could save you (both) a long period of frustration and possibly unfounded hopes (on one side or the other.)

It would be nice if the heart were so unambiguous. Sometimes it does take some conversations to get clarity in order to move on.

It is hard to realize when you are in a program as intense as CSON, but there are actually other schools at Boston College, so broaden your search. If you can, join some university activities. Best of luck in finding love!