The Wall

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Hi Wall, just checking up on you.

How are you doing boo? Are you doing anything fabulous for the summer? Oh by the way, thank you for the music selection. I do love me some Etta James. Talk to you soon?!

Oh, you know me, kind of a homebody, and I’ve got other walls and some floors and ceilings kind of depending on me to stay put. Which reminds me of another Etta James song, the one that started her career in 1955: Wallflower. bit.ly/etta-wallflower

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Can I get a food deliver service sent to BC?

So if I ordered say HelloFresh or some other grocery/meal type delivery service, would the mailroom process it fast enough for me to get the package before the food spoils? I want to be able to cook but I want to avoid grocery stores as much as possible. Thanks wall!

HelloFresh and similar services tend to deliver by UPS or FedEx. You are notified of its arrival by email and the package goes a Campus Mail Services location for you to pick up. The problem might be the limited pickup hours there, see: bit.ly/BCPackage. I spoke to a helpful human at ResLife and they said students often get deliveries from local supermarkets like Stop & Shop, only the delivery has to be outside the res – that might work for you?

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Treadmills: Dear Wall, how did you deal with feelings of disorientation,

futility and existential dread when thinking about your future and your path in life when you were younger. gruezi and goodbye

Humans get different kinds of existential dread, but frequent causes seem to be fear that nothing will change from right now, that it’s too late to get started, and that nothing one does matters. Those are all false in different ways, but I’m not saying that to wave away how debilitating they are. Those feelings are real, and they have real effects. But they’re still false. It might help to talk to a therapist if the dread is long-lasting. It might help to talk to a career coach if you’re worried about that kind of thing. You asked about me. The library I’m part of was finished in 1983 and between then and a couple of years ago I was mostly doing wall stuff, before I got my break into answering questions. Give it time, it’ll be OK. Or at least it’ll be different. Warm wishes.

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Hey wall! What do you do if you’re interning with people who’re famous in the clinical psych world but then realize how the institution is very dehumanizing… ,

the individual is not compassionate at all, the world has so much power fight going on, and there are so much implicit/explicit racism and stigma surrounding mental health going on? I guess what feels complicated and hurtful is that it’s an internship in the “helping profession.” I guess sometimes providers burn out not because the clients are difficult (yes, they blame the clients), but because the education, training, and the field itself is so imperfect, hurtful, immoral, and traumatizing. My experience as a client isn’t always great, then my experience as an intern is also full of conflicts. Not just the conflict regarding the roles/power between being an intern or a client. It’s more of a conflict result from my beliefs about healing, mental health, human rights, the reason of suffering does not always align with the sometimes (not always) science-heavy, diagnostic-based, and dehumanizing clinical field. Oh, I love my original internship, this is a new one. But anyway, can I have a wall hug? Sigh.

Many warm hugs to you as you deal with this challenging and hurtful work environment. The path to becoming famous in clinical psych probably does take its toll on those who pursue it. I expect it’s not inevitable, but the years of study, the competition, and the stress of dealing with people who have serious problems (not blaming the clients, but it is a stressor) may not lead to the individual becoming the soul of compassion. Keep your kind feelings towards those who are suffering, and become the kind of clinical psychologist your current team leaders couldn’t. The world so definitely needs people who are caring and fight for human rights. Internships are soon over; strength to you as you work through this one.

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Is it possible for a person to love some one and yet not to miss them when they are not around?

Absolutely. There are many kinds of love (8 according to the ancient Greeks) and not all of them are manifest as passionate heart longing when someone is gone. Additionally, everyone expresses love differently. It’s not uncommon to love family, but not necessarily miss them when they’re not around (or even sometimes be glad they’re gone). The same can be true of any relationship in your life.

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Hello! I have 2 questions:

Is it normal and ethically good to hide from my parents, that I watch porn and masturbate? (Age 13-14) If I know something really important that has to do with my twin brother and his sexual orientation, do I have to tell my parents or wait till he makes it?

1) Masturbation is normal and most adults are also private about it. Note: porn is not reality, so it’s a bad idea to base your ideas about future partners or how sex works solely based on it. 2) Your brother’s sexual orientation is something for him to talk about or not, whatever he’s comfortable with and whenever. That’s not your story to tell.

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I trust people easily. A friend says it’s not a good thing. What do u suggest answer wall?

It’s not not a good thing. Trusting people are wonderful when they are surrounded by others deserving of that trust. Unfortunately, many people are not and will use your trusting nature to take advantage of you. That’s just something that you will have to get used to if you’re going to easily trust people, and it will often end in disappointment (or worse) for you. However, you will also get to experience the joy of having trusted someone that no one else did and that person coming through for you, or repaying that trust in kind. That’s such a wonderful feeling and perhaps one of the most human experiences there is. Knowing how much to trust is something that you will be constantly calibrating for the rest of your life.

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Thanks wall! We took your recommendation and change the Ig name. You should follow our Ig! I feel so validated that so many people struggle with the same barriers and challenges from the institution as I do. I also feel so sad that so many people are suffering alone without access to the support they deserve and needed.

Just checked out the account again. Love the new name and bio. I’m so glad you can give people a place to tell their stories and feel heard. Mental health services are so diffcult to manage even in the best of scenarios, but colleges across the US (not just BC) continue to struggle with providing the care that so many people deserve. Much of that is more systemic than just BC; it has to do with the entire US healthcare system and the (often perverse) profit motives we’ve set up therein. One last piece of advice if I can be so bold: please make sure to keep your own mental health in mind. It is very easy to feel like you owe these students and alums a piece of yourself to help them and that you have to continue this project even if it becomes overwhelming. These stories are heartbreaking, and that can really grind some people down to read them over and over again. If it does get to be too much, it’s OK to take a break. Be well.

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Boy Problems: Hi answer wall, I like this boy and we talk everyday but

I can’t tell if he likes me back and 2. I can’t tell if he’s gay. I feel like we both like each other but are both too nervous to make a move because we’ve gotten so close over the summer. We went out to dinner a few weeks ago and he paid! was he trying to imply its a date? I also dont wanna make a move if he is gay and i embarrass both of us.

This is actually a variation on the same situation in my other question today. In theory all you need to do is ask “Are you gay?” and then say either “yay!” or “wanna go on a date?” depending on the answer. But the Wall totally understands how tough actually doing that is. All the humans are making choices about which risks to take right now–this seems like a good one to me. Good luck!