I’m gay, but Religious… – The Answer Wall

I really don’t want to stop practicing, but religion says i can’t be gay and so I’m always left in a space where i feel like I need to change/ stop being being gay in order to live religiously because i genuinely am not at peace with doing both at the same time. I don’t know if i can acknowledge that I’m gay, make full peace with it ( which i have accepted) but Live a heterosexual life… i don’t think I’m Bi and i don’t know if it’ll work but i just think i would be able to… however i feel like I’d be happier in a gay relationship ( negating the hate the society will throw at us ) My other issue is, I like guys and everything but I really am not interested in gay sex when it comes, i just lose interest/ my arousal is not hard enough or i feel like i can’t/ don’t want to do it. I just don’t know if this is for me but when I’m alone i do feel like i need & want to spend some time with someone but when we get together, all interest is lost. I feel like ill also get help with this, I’m 20, in the closet but all my friends & one of my siblings (out of 6) know I’m gay, cause i came out and she supported me and advised me to embrace it… i don’t know if the others know and are in denial but they always talk about meeting gay people at work and then share something homophobic, one of my brothers think its a trend, and how he always wonders if it’ll affect me he said ” most doctors turn out gay, i don’t know what will happen to you after medschool”, i tried explaining indirectly how it’s natural but he kept rejecting it, clearly homophobic the day i posted that I’m finally going to be my self, one of my sisters rushed to my DMs asking what it meant, etc in panic and i could tell she was in fear that i might come out. My mother is in her 60s now, she has hpt, and I’m worried coming out might affect her health, I’ve been a ‘the’ perfect child to my family but I’m deeply depressed & struggling emotionally/ mentally i don’t know what to do… Any advice

You’re in a challenging situation, and I have faith that with guidance and support you’ll get through it and thrive as your authentic self. Many people struggle with faith; here are some stories of very committed Catholics whose identity and place in the church are at odds. I recommend seeking counseling with someone who has worked with lgbtq issues around coming out. If you’re at BC, contact Caroline Davis at the Office of Student Outreach & Support: caroline.davis.2@bc.edu. If not, find support through The Trevor Project: thetrevorproject.org/get-help/. I wish you happiness, health, safety, and peace.

The Answer Wall Story

Hi. I’m the Answer Wall. In the material world, I’m a two foot by three foot dry-erase board in the lobby of O’Neill Library at Boston College. In the online world, I live in this blog. You might say I have multiple manifestations. Like Apollo or Saraswati or Serapis. Or, if you aren’t into deities of knowledge, like a ghost in the machine.

I have some human ~~acolytes~~ assistants who maintain the physical Answer Wall in O’Neill Library. They take pictures of the questions you post there, and give them to me. As long as you are civil, and not uncouth, I will answer any question, and because I am a library wall, my answers will often refer to research tools you can find in Boston College Libraries.

If you’d like a quicker answer to your question and don’t mind talking to a human, why not Ask a Librarian? Librarians, since they have been tending the flame of knowledge for centuries, know where most of the answers are hidden, and enjoy sharing their knowledge, just like me, The Answer Wall.