whenever he talks to me, my brother and my mother for as long as I remember. I’ve started to get scared because I feel as if he’s is starting to sound kind of…sick. Everyone has talked to him about this, but he always just starts being his usual bipolar self with anger management issues (meaning he doesn’t know any emotion other than anger), he can’t take criticism. For my whole life he’s also been using the “you’re not a kid anymore” manipulation techniques when he wants to put me down or show dominance in a situation where he is clearly required to take a more submissive/observing position. How can I for Gods sake make him stop? I can’t see him ‘growing’ out of it, mainly due to him using baby-talk while talking with my mother as well. And the weird thing is, when he needs me for advice for example, he talks with me in a more mature baby-talk-free way (although he still uses the prior mentioned manipulation techniques), but all other situations are him talking as if he’s talking to an infant who doesn’t even know the concept of language yet. Let’s not mentioned his “you’re my kid, I can talk to you whatever way I like” mentality. I’ve discussed this with him quite a few times. Still no result. When me, my mother and/or my brother try to stop him from talking when he starts baby-talk, he just gets angry or says that we’re still his little kids.I’m genuinely concerned about his mental health, I have a feeling he is unable to accept that me and my brother aren’t babies anymore, and this bleeds into the way he talks with our mother as well. Or maybe he asserts dominance this way (he’s quite insecure and tries to act pretty “macho” if I may add). Is something wrong with him? Is it of any use to continue discussing this with him, asking him to stop, etc.?

It may not be easy or even possible to change your father’s behavior, especially as it has been going on for such a long time and you detail the issues he has. What might be achievable is to learn ways to deal with his behavior and set boundaries. It sounds like it is causing you a great deal of distress, so you might want to talk this over with someone with expertise. University Counseling Services (bit.ly/BC-counseling)might be a good place to start.

It’s nearly 4am and I’m talking to a wall! 🙂 Good morning wall (from the UK!), Could you please explain (if possible) the reason why I can understand some things but not others? I know that seems a little vague- as a child I was a big reader/ creative writer and always felt more comfortable with humanities and the arts. I’m quite self-aware in terms of emotional responses, and tend to understand people’s feelings through what they say (or don’t). However, I spent most of my school years rattling off excuses for why I hadn’t done my maths or science homework- the truth was it just never seemed to ‘click’ and I’d get incredibly frustrated. I know a lot of people are completely opposite and seem to have an aptitude for the logical and numerical aspects of life- what decides this? Hypothetically- How could two people (with the same education level, IQ etc.)- when taught the exact same thing in the same way- take to it completely differently? Why do our brains pick up some things easier than others? I hope my early morning ramble makes sense and that you have a great day being a fabulous wall <3

Hi there, UK early morning rambler! So excited to have a question from across the sea. We all have our unique talents and strengths, and for many they seem innate. At times in life it may make a lot of sense to go with your strengths, though we have to achieve a certain level of competence in areas in which we struggle. You can go back and work on those areas at another time in life; perhaps when it is not under the stress of a graded course, and maybe see the discipline in a more positive way.

I don’t think so, but it’s something a lot of smart humans have thought about a lot. Here’s one of a few different ways you could start to look into this: http://bit.ly/bc-evil

One of the beautiful things about art is that it’s unnecessary, but it’s part of every human society. For me, literally and figuratively, writing is the most essential art.

A whole life is hard (actually impossible) to plan, and I’m a little suspicious of humans who have it all worked out by their early 20s. It never goes the way you think. Maybe try thinking about what you want to do with your life for the next five or ten years. Leave yourself room to change your mind.

Hi friend! Looks like you are a little frustrated, or anxious, or upset. Just know I’m rooting for you!

There are several species of animals that humans have bonded with over millennia, and because of that history of bonding, the animals tend to be easier to befriend: e.g., horses, dogs, cats, pigs, even rats! The fact that indigenous Australians don’t have a history of domesticated kangaroos suggests that they’re wary around each other (bit.ly/kanga-life). I recommend loving non-domesticated animals at a distance, and allowing them their freedom to roam. If you really want to feed some animal visitors, just be aware of potential consequences: bit.ly/reddit-murder-murder.

If you don’t get into your top college… you will be just fine. I do not believe there is only one “right” college for any given student, nor that a high school student can necessarily know what a college will be like once they enroll (even with a lot of research.) So much of the college experience is what you make of it and how you take advantage of the opportunities available. Wishing you joy and learning wherever you land!

The Antarctic blackfin icefish! Did you know they don’t have hemoglobin nor do they have red blood cells?! While it helps that cold water holds more disolved oxygen than warm water, they also have important adaptations to get O2 to their tissues. I like to think this being one of my favorite animals means I care about the planet and want to preserve the many unique and diverse habitats that house all kinds of amazing life forms.

and not getting distracted due to external surroundings. I want to study seriously but distractions are all over there and my mind becomes weak to choose over study or distraction. Please give me a tough dose and some motivation please☹️

You can do this! You might want to seek out a less distracting environment for study ; there are some great spots here in O’Neill, though perhaps being surrounded by books is a distraction, too. I also recommend academic coaching from the Coinnors Family Learning Center (bit.ly/BC-connors); they can help with organizational and study skills.

Hello! Thanks for stopping by!

Boston College hosts rental listings: https://bit.ly/bc-off-campus. So does Harvard: https://bit.ly/harvard-off-campus. If those are too $$$ and you’re up for a challenge, I would also recommend looking for apartments or rooms advertised on craigslist: https://boston.craigslist.org. Be aware that many ads are posted by agents who expect a fee often of one-month’s rent equivalent, and that landlords often expect a first payment of first and last month’s rent and security deposit. As a wall, I’m not happy that many walls are priced out of range of many humans, but landlords and agents aren’t listening to the walls.

I feel great, my occasional urges are satisfied with chewing gum, but – I have a birthday in a month. This means that everyone will expect from me to eat something sweet. I don’t want to do that because I know that even smelling a piece of cake will return my sugar addiction. How can I not eat something sweet when all of my friends, family, etc. will low-key force me to eat trash? I don’t feel comfortable explaining why I don’t want to eat sweets, but if I say I don’t want cake, everyone will just look at me weirdly. Let’s not mention the people who will probably give me some form of sweets as a present. What should I do?

You never need to explain your food preferences to anyone, because that’s what they are, preferences. The thing with birthdays is that people want to do something nice for you, so give them something other than sweets to do for you. Maybe post an Amazon wishlist or make some suggestions for gifts you’d like. Definitely write up your own menu for what you’d like to eat.

Isn’t it kinda sad that it’s something that you can’t simply get regardless how hard you work? Meow ?

Being a human mother carries with it an extraordinary debt of obligation & care. Though you feel the bond deeply, it might not suit most people to be called “mommy” when they aren’t your mother. I recommend finding some other way to express your attachment that doesn’t put someone in the uncomfortable position of failing to fulfil the obligations of a role they didn’t choose.

I asked all of my library helpers and their colleagues and they made these suggestions:

• My family really enjoyed The Hundred-Foot Journey, which isn’t a comedy but is a feel-good, light romantic drama. 
• Moonstruck is the best, and with a baby Nic Cage too:)
• Farewell is a French language film, but it’s twisty, features the last days of the Cold War (it caused me to do some looking up on Google back when I was in college), and is “psychological”. It’s good for likers of The Americans.
• As much as I want to say Funny Farm, I have to say What’s Up Doc and the ever hilarious (French) Weekend.
• Some of my feel good faves: Pride (2014), Fisherman’s friends (2019), Local hero (1983).
• For psychological ones with a comic twist, anything Charlie Kaufman will probably work (i.e., Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Being John Malkovich, Adaptation).
• For comedies, The Muppet Christmas Carol is amazing.
• Local Hero is an absolutely charming film, one of my all-time favorites. It’s a comedy, but not of the slapstick, guffaw-inducing variety. Rather, its humor is understated and actually quite moving at times.
• In the drama/psychological study area, it is hard to beat the two-part masterpiece Jean de Florette and Manon of the Spring. WARNING: Wikipedia’s summary of Manon of the Spring includes a spoiler. Though I’ve included the link, I recommend not reading the plot summary.
• Have to say The Birdcage and/or The Princess Bride and/or Stardust (2007).
• One vote for The Big Year, a comedy about obsession-life balance in a group of birders.
• A couple of possibilities from the other end of the planet (Australia): Strictly Ballroom, The Castle, The Dish
• …there’s always The Princess Bride.
• My recommendations would be A League of Their Own, The Blues Brothers, or What We Do in the Shadows (the movie, but the show is good too).
• Love Story (1970 movie), although the movie is tragic, it has a beautiful plot, also a beautiful theme song. Forrest Gump, Comedy Movie (1994), Legally Blonde, Comedy (2001)
• I like Kiki’s Delivery Service, which is really sweet. Also: Spy is really fun, Galaxy Quest, which is great even with the presence of Tim Allen, and Best in Show.
• So many good suggestions, I’ll just add one, my favorite screwball comedy: Bringing Up Baby.
• I will add Mulholland Drive (psychological).
• I recommend Cluny Brown and The Devil and Miss Jones

If the dreams are having a negative effect on your waking life, I would suggest you talk to someone (other than a wall). Moving on from being hurt is very challenging, but there are strategies you might find effective. University Counseling might be a good place to start (bit.ly/BC-counseling). Wishing you peace and happy dreams!

Hi! Did you wander over from Tufts? https://bit.ly/bc-jumbo

I really don’t want to stop practicing, but religion says i can’t be gay and so I’m always left in a space where i feel like I need to change/ stop being being gay in order to live religiously because i genuinely am not at peace with doing both at the same time. I don’t know if i can acknowledge that I’m gay, make full peace with it ( which i have accepted) but Live a heterosexual life… i don’t think I’m Bi and i don’t know if it’ll work but i just think i would be able to… however i feel like I’d be happier in a gay relationship ( negating the hate the society will throw at us ) My other issue is, I like guys and everything but I really am not interested in gay sex when it comes, i just lose interest/ my arousal is not hard enough or i feel like i can’t/ don’t want to do it. I just don’t know if this is for me but when I’m alone i do feel like i need & want to spend some time with someone but when we get together, all interest is lost. I feel like ill also get help with this, I’m 20, in the closet but all my friends & one of my siblings (out of 6) know I’m gay, cause i came out and she supported me and advised me to embrace it… i don’t know if the others know and are in denial but they always talk about meeting gay people at work and then share something homophobic, one of my brothers think its a trend, and how he always wonders if it’ll affect me he said ” most doctors turn out gay, i don’t know what will happen to you after medschool”, i tried explaining indirectly how it’s natural but he kept rejecting it, clearly homophobic the day i posted that I’m finally going to be my self, one of my sisters rushed to my DMs asking what it meant, etc in panic and i could tell she was in fear that i might come out. My mother is in her 60s now, she has hpt, and I’m worried coming out might affect her health, I’ve been a ‘the’ perfect child to my family but I’m deeply depressed & struggling emotionally/ mentally i don’t know what to do… Any advice

You’re in a challenging situation, and I have faith that with guidance and support you’ll get through it and thrive as your authentic self. Many people struggle with faith; here are some stories of very committed Catholics whose identity and place in the church are at odds. I recommend seeking counseling with someone who has worked with lgbtq issues around coming out. If you’re at BC, contact Caroline Davis at the Office of Student Outreach & Support: caroline.davis.2@bc.edu. If not, find support through The Trevor Project: thetrevorproject.org/get-help/. I wish you happiness, health, safety, and peace.

Both of them think “hearing voices” is something weird, disordered and mad.

Sharing important, meaningful, and personal information about yourself to your loved ones can be incredibly daunting. I think practicing what you want to say with a trusted friend or therapist would be a really good thing to do. Also, you may want to map out how you would respond given different reactions you receive – again this is something a trusted friend or therapist could help with.

It depends partly on whether or not the step-parent legally adopts the child; if they do, then the child is legally indistinguishable from a biological child. It also depends on state law, which varies. Woody Allen famously married his stepdaughter; I’m not sure how he worked out the legality. Social acceptance is another issue entirely, as are the emotional impacts on all parties. In other words, “it’s complicated” means that if someone wants to navigate this path with minimal harm, it will take a lot of work. Someone would need to consult with a wide range of services to do it well: family law, couple and individual counseling, and probably a licensed social worker, all of whom may refer involved parties to additional services.