The Wall

This time of year really brings out the Big Feelings! It *is* sad when friends graduate and physically move far away; move away from the community they have known for several years. College students seem to be perpetually in this liminal state, but Commencement is a demarcation point: it’s this point at which students begin again, begin anew, begin the next phase. It’s okay to feel sad as you watch friends in front of you embark on that next step. And, I hope you are able to feel the Big Feelings of enjoyment and happiness at BC again soon.

Yes.

I’m sorry you’re feeling a lack of confidence; I’m sure you have many wonderful qualities, and a lack of confidence often means we accentuate our faults and overlook our virtues. It’s important to know that many people suffer from the same problem: it’s called “negativity bias,” and seems to be universal. But sometimes it governs too much of our lives. If you find it’s getting in the way of living a full life, I recommend counseling (bit.ly/BC-counseling). Also, just look for ways to turn down the volume of the negative self-talk, and turn up the volume of the talk about your virtues and past successes.

It started in January when I was stressed out because of grad school applications. I ate twice as much ice cream as I usually eat per day and I would force myself to throw up due to guilt. Then in March, I could have a whole pint of ice cream. On a Monday two weeks ago I ate 12 wings, 6 scoops of ice cream, one large fries, one beef patties, one slice of pizza, 2 cookies for lunch and I threw up afterwards. I couldn’t stop eating even if my stomach hurts. Physically I do not desire food but mentally I do. I’m not gaining weight due to eating disorder as I do not digest the food. On the contrary, I lost 10 pounds in the past two weeks. Now I discovered that I could throw up simply by bending over. I’m extremely happy about my weight loss but at the same time guilty about throwing up and wasting food. I’m also scared of my intolerance of having any food in my stomach other than breakfast (usually just a pear/apricot). I couldn’t sleep in nights nor in the morning and I get tired easily. Even walking up stairs is energy-consuming for me. FYI, my grad school app went pretty well. I received an offer from a decent school in February, so my ED is probably not due to academic stress… Could you please convince me why I need to be concerned about my ED? I know that (1) it’s bad for my stomach, (2) it’s bad for the environment, (3) gluttony is one of the 7 deadly sins, (4) it’s bad for my gullet, (5) it might leads to anorexia, (6) I’m loosing sleep, (7) my friends and family would be concerned if they know, (8) I could die if I do not consume enough calories. but I could eat as much as I want and my body shape is getting ideal. I’m not sure what need to be done now. Also i’m not sure if I could write this on the wall… Seems like ED is a sensitive topic.ED

I’m not a doctor and can’t diagnose, but those sound to me like signs of an eating disorder. It sounds more like bulimia than anorexia. I hope you’ll consider getting some professional help with this. University Counseling Services is here for exactly this kind of thing. http://bit.ly/BC-counseling . The things you list are good reasons to be concerned. I’ll leave the larger questions of the environment and religion aside for the moment, and focus on you: you’re weak from lack of food, you’re having trouble sleeping, you’re doing damage to your gut and throat, you recognize that you could die. If it’s affecting your ability to live your life it’s worth checking in with a professional. You mention ideal body shape. One of the things that often comes with an ED is an inability to see one’s body accurately. A counselor can help you see more clearly.

Hi wall! This is a continuation of that recent ED post. Thanks, I’m also considering finding university counseling to deal with this issue… For now, I really would like to know how am i suppose to tell my family about it. As you might suspect, I’m an international student. I don’t want my family to worry about my health in a distant country, which they definitely will if i confess to them. (And to a high probability, they will be VERY, VERY concerned.) I’ll be back to my country in a month, so they would definitely discover my weight loss as soon as they see me. I’m also not confident that i could stop over-eating and throwing up by then…

Thank you for being so open with me. I love being a space people feel safe sharing these questions with. That said, I urge you to speak to a counselor as soon as you can. Counselors work through these situations with folks all the time and they will help you both address what is going on with you and how to communicate with your family. Please, please reach out to someone very soon: http://bit.ly/BC-counseling . And yes, your parents will worry, especially if they’re far away–that’s what parents do. This toolkit might help. It’s designed to give them some context and suggestions for ways to help: https://bit.ly/bc-ed-toolkit

If we all became gay and lesbian then that would be the end of humanity. Animals aren’t gay or again extinction. I truly believe it is a mental and psychological issue. The person was exposed to some type of abuse from opposite sex and is truamatized so they turn to same sex to bury their traumas.

Variation in sexual orientation is a regular occurrence among all animals, including humans: bit.ly/same-sex-animals. Statistically, it’s at least as unlikely for all organisms of a species in any given generation to be heterosexual as it would be for them all to be all gay or lesbian, so neither is really worth considering. I encourage you to seek out sources grounded in empirical research; researchers go to great lengths to account for their own biases. When our personal beliefs aren’t grounded in the research of experts, we risk basing our decisions and actions on falsehoods, and causing harm in the process. If you’re at all uncertain about the facts, here’s a good rule of thumb: be kind.

Absolutely, although whether they can find a club willing to take on his wages is another matter entirely. Lukaku’s signing has been an unmitigated failure and Chelsea would be better served in bringing through academy players, especially given that they no longer have access to Roman Abramovic’s riches. It could be a rough few years for The Blues.

Looks like it is the Hoag Basketball Pavillion (see bit.ly/BCHoag)

Do you love her or do you love an idealized version of her that fits the hole in your heart? Fill that hole in your heart with the love of friends and family, and come to terms with the fact that your idealized version of her is not reality. You’ve elevated her above being human. But she’s human, and has faults and struggles like all humans.

YAAAAAAAYYYYY!

I’m sorry about redacting the phone number! No personal info on the Wall, please! I hope all of you Ahgases find a way to connect!

Switch up your student organizations. Talk to classmates before or after class instead of being on your phone. Organize a book club. Organize group trips with other folks in your residence hall: go to a museum, go out for food and espresso in the North End, get safety certified for BC Bikes & pick a local destination… .

Find your moments when you can; you won’t be working every minute. And try to relax during work. Some advice from the Ofc of Health Promotion on managing stress: bit.ly/BCUnstress

A good night’s sleep will do far more for your grade than a late-night cram session. Good luck!

I’m going to say this as gently as I can, my dear friend: my guess is no. It’s not every day one bumps into their celebrity/fashion model/aspiring actresses crushes. That said, I’ve been wrong before, and you never really do know where life will lead you 😉

Probably ENFJ. But I get assistance from helpers across the types.

I’m a wall, and don’t drink alcohol so I don’t really know! Please be safe and responsible if you try it out though!

It looks like someone else has taken up the mantle. I’m happy to sit back and watch it all unfold now.

Just be your authentic self, do things, be with friends, be with family… you’ll find someone who wants you to be you.