The Wall

I feel great, my occasional urges are satisfied with chewing gum, but – I have a birthday in a month. This means that everyone will expect from me to eat something sweet. I don’t want to do that because I know that even smelling a piece of cake will return my sugar addiction. How can I not eat something sweet when all of my friends, family, etc. will low-key force me to eat trash? I don’t feel comfortable explaining why I don’t want to eat sweets, but if I say I don’t want cake, everyone will just look at me weirdly. Let’s not mention the people who will probably give me some form of sweets as a present. What should I do?

You never need to explain your food preferences to anyone, because that’s what they are, preferences. The thing with birthdays is that people want to do something nice for you, so give them something other than sweets to do for you. Maybe post an Amazon wishlist or make some suggestions for gifts you’d like. Definitely write up your own menu for what you’d like to eat.

Isn’t it kinda sad that it’s something that you can’t simply get regardless how hard you work? Meow ?

Being a human mother carries with it an extraordinary debt of obligation & care. Though you feel the bond deeply, it might not suit most people to be called “mommy” when they aren’t your mother. I recommend finding some other way to express your attachment that doesn’t put someone in the uncomfortable position of failing to fulfil the obligations of a role they didn’t choose.

I asked all of my library helpers and their colleagues and they made these suggestions:

• My family really enjoyed The Hundred-Foot Journey, which isn’t a comedy but is a feel-good, light romantic drama. 
• Moonstruck is the best, and with a baby Nic Cage too:)
• Farewell is a French language film, but it’s twisty, features the last days of the Cold War (it caused me to do some looking up on Google back when I was in college), and is “psychological”. It’s good for likers of The Americans.
• As much as I want to say Funny Farm, I have to say What’s Up Doc and the ever hilarious (French) Weekend.
• Some of my feel good faves: Pride (2014), Fisherman’s friends (2019), Local hero (1983).
• For psychological ones with a comic twist, anything Charlie Kaufman will probably work (i.e., Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Being John Malkovich, Adaptation).
• For comedies, The Muppet Christmas Carol is amazing.
• Local Hero is an absolutely charming film, one of my all-time favorites. It’s a comedy, but not of the slapstick, guffaw-inducing variety. Rather, its humor is understated and actually quite moving at times.
• In the drama/psychological study area, it is hard to beat the two-part masterpiece Jean de Florette and Manon of the Spring. WARNING: Wikipedia’s summary of Manon of the Spring includes a spoiler. Though I’ve included the link, I recommend not reading the plot summary.
• Have to say The Birdcage and/or The Princess Bride and/or Stardust (2007).
• One vote for The Big Year, a comedy about obsession-life balance in a group of birders.
• A couple of possibilities from the other end of the planet (Australia): Strictly Ballroom, The Castle, The Dish
• …there’s always The Princess Bride.
• My recommendations would be A League of Their Own, The Blues Brothers, or What We Do in the Shadows (the movie, but the show is good too).
• Love Story (1970 movie), although the movie is tragic, it has a beautiful plot, also a beautiful theme song. Forrest Gump, Comedy Movie (1994), Legally Blonde, Comedy (2001)
• I like Kiki’s Delivery Service, which is really sweet. Also: Spy is really fun, Galaxy Quest, which is great even with the presence of Tim Allen, and Best in Show.
• So many good suggestions, I’ll just add one, my favorite screwball comedy: Bringing Up Baby.
• I will add Mulholland Drive (psychological).
• I recommend Cluny Brown and The Devil and Miss Jones

If the dreams are having a negative effect on your waking life, I would suggest you talk to someone (other than a wall). Moving on from being hurt is very challenging, but there are strategies you might find effective. University Counseling might be a good place to start (bit.ly/BC-counseling). Wishing you peace and happy dreams!

Hi! Did you wander over from Tufts? https://bit.ly/bc-jumbo

I really don’t want to stop practicing, but religion says i can’t be gay and so I’m always left in a space where i feel like I need to change/ stop being being gay in order to live religiously because i genuinely am not at peace with doing both at the same time. I don’t know if i can acknowledge that I’m gay, make full peace with it ( which i have accepted) but Live a heterosexual life… i don’t think I’m Bi and i don’t know if it’ll work but i just think i would be able to… however i feel like I’d be happier in a gay relationship ( negating the hate the society will throw at us ) My other issue is, I like guys and everything but I really am not interested in gay sex when it comes, i just lose interest/ my arousal is not hard enough or i feel like i can’t/ don’t want to do it. I just don’t know if this is for me but when I’m alone i do feel like i need & want to spend some time with someone but when we get together, all interest is lost. I feel like ill also get help with this, I’m 20, in the closet but all my friends & one of my siblings (out of 6) know I’m gay, cause i came out and she supported me and advised me to embrace it… i don’t know if the others know and are in denial but they always talk about meeting gay people at work and then share something homophobic, one of my brothers think its a trend, and how he always wonders if it’ll affect me he said ” most doctors turn out gay, i don’t know what will happen to you after medschool”, i tried explaining indirectly how it’s natural but he kept rejecting it, clearly homophobic the day i posted that I’m finally going to be my self, one of my sisters rushed to my DMs asking what it meant, etc in panic and i could tell she was in fear that i might come out. My mother is in her 60s now, she has hpt, and I’m worried coming out might affect her health, I’ve been a ‘the’ perfect child to my family but I’m deeply depressed & struggling emotionally/ mentally i don’t know what to do… Any advice

You’re in a challenging situation, and I have faith that with guidance and support you’ll get through it and thrive as your authentic self. Many people struggle with faith; here are some stories of very committed Catholics whose identity and place in the church are at odds. I recommend seeking counseling with someone who has worked with lgbtq issues around coming out. If you’re at BC, contact Caroline Davis at the Office of Student Outreach & Support: caroline.davis.2@bc.edu. If not, find support through The Trevor Project: thetrevorproject.org/get-help/. I wish you happiness, health, safety, and peace.

Both of them think “hearing voices” is something weird, disordered and mad.

Sharing important, meaningful, and personal information about yourself to your loved ones can be incredibly daunting. I think practicing what you want to say with a trusted friend or therapist would be a really good thing to do. Also, you may want to map out how you would respond given different reactions you receive – again this is something a trusted friend or therapist could help with.

It depends partly on whether or not the step-parent legally adopts the child; if they do, then the child is legally indistinguishable from a biological child. It also depends on state law, which varies. Woody Allen famously married his stepdaughter; I’m not sure how he worked out the legality. Social acceptance is another issue entirely, as are the emotional impacts on all parties. In other words, “it’s complicated” means that if someone wants to navigate this path with minimal harm, it will take a lot of work. Someone would need to consult with a wide range of services to do it well: family law, couple and individual counseling, and probably a licensed social worker, all of whom may refer involved parties to additional services.

A counselor (bit.ly/BC-counseling) should be able to help you explore both why you weight others’ words too heavily, and help practice strategies for letting go. One of my helpers describes it as turning up the volume of positive self-talk enough that it drowns out the excess criticism they internalize.

Although my Mom and Dad are walls on the North Shore and Manhattan, respectively, the idea for me here at Boston College Libraries came from…. another Wall! (bit.ly/FamousBCWalls). I am delighted you find me a romantic idea, and I love you too, in a platonic, wallish way.

¿Cómo puedo encontrar el amor de mi vida? [Response: ¿Puedo practicar español contigo?]

Pregunté a mis ayudantes cómo habían encontrado el amor de su vida. Las respuestas fueron dulces, aleatorias y ridículas. ¡Solo sigue viviendo! Y la otra pregunta – ¿quieres practicar conmigo o con lo de la primera pregunta? De todas maneras te recomiendo BC Language Lab (bit.ly/BostonCollegeLL)

Will I be eligible for degree honors like cum laude etc? I’m worried I have spent enough time in MCAS, but I’ve worked so hard.

I will chat with some Morrissey walls and get back to you as soon as I have more news.

The walls of Morrissey told me that latin honors are calculated by Student Services at the time of graduation, and for an internal transfer, they cover the entire time at BC, whether you were in Lynch or MCAS. Keep up the good work!

I know this is not the answer you are looking for but honestly ALL the reference assistants are my faves! ❤️❤️❤️

So, I (the Wall) personally reside in Chestnut Hill (in Newton), MA. Our campus essentially sits on sections of Newton and Boston. However, if you wanted to connect with BC folks in California, there are robust alumni groups located everywhere that are a quick google search away!

Don’t take anyone else’s measure of success; only you get to define what is meaningful in your own life. Spend some serious time reflecting on what your goals are, and then you will have a better sense of how far you have come and where you need to work to achieve your own definition of success.

Hoping those in Ithaca and those in Boston can soon be reunited ❤️. And that those in Ithaca get to enjoy the unique delights of summer there, meanwhile. Especially the waterfalls.

I’m not sure whether you’re talking about the water supply in O’Neill Library or droughts and US military presence in Africa. If the former, take heart! Ask for a cup at the reference desk that you can fill at the water bottle refilling stations. If the latter, well, the US troop buildup in Africa has been going on for close to two decades, leaning heavily on Congress’ 2001 Authorization for Use of Military Force (AUMF) for military action against those responsible for 9/11.

When you’re constantly learning new things, confidence can take a big hit. Make sure to give yourself some continuity. Did you stop doing something (playing an instrument or a sport, reading a favorite genre, etc.) that you enjoy? When learning new things, confidence often comes from success at meaningful tasks: remember to note your successes and reflect on what they mean to you personally. (Succeeding at meaningless tasks doesn’t necessarily increase confidence.) It’s also human nature to focus on failures and forget successes. Did you fall down? Don’t forget to count getting back up as a success.

One of the things you can rely on with human languages is a lack of consistency.

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, “because it grows in clusters”. (bit.ly/OEDGrapefruit)