I do understand your fear. Please know, though, that my assistants know people who were suspended during higher ed, returned and finished, and are fine. The ones who finished all seriously reflected on and addressed whatever their part was in the suspension so that they didn’t repeat it in college, or later in life when a re-do isn’t as easy as returning at the end of a suspension period. Please talk to some trusted advisers to help you through this period; there’s no benefit to toughing it out on your own.