A is for alcohol, source of addiction, liver disease and other afflictions. So how ’bout water, that might be okay, but if it’s in plastic there’s B for B.P.A C is for corn syrup soda pop uses, and also for carbs found in sugary juices. D, dehydration, you still have to drink, though all these beverages seem like they stink. Eating too little, or too much to count, E is for eating in perfect amounts, and eating some things that you shouldn’t consume, cause dozens of dishes will lead to your doom. F is for fried food that’s filled up with fat. Gluten for G if you buy into that. H is for hot dogs, who knows how they’re made. I for insecticide, veggies are sprayed. J is for jerky with way too much salt. K is for kale, it’s also at fault. But isn’t it healthy? I’m glad that you ask. Cabbage and kale make thyroids too fast. “Forget about eating, I’ll just go outside.” But that is where even more dangers can hide. L is for Lyme disease, carried by ticks. M is for malaria that mosquitos inflict. N is for N-diethyl-meta-toluamide (DEET in bug spray). It kills all the bugs, and it kills your insides. O is for oxygen less recreation. P for pollution in each inhalation. Q is for quicksilver, fishing is wrecked. R, deadly radon that’s hard to detect. S is for sunscreen, but also the sun. Both give you cancer, now isn’t that fun? T for tobacco U V for UV W for watching way too much T.V. X as expected, is X-Ray Y is surprisingly Yerba mate Z is for zealotry. I wonder why this is so little told to the young children… This gives me motivation to live, even though I know, that no matter my actions, I’m still gonna die.
I think small children would probably find this quite entertaining – much in the vein of Gorey’s abcdedaria. Or, as my Dad (a Manhattan apartment) used to sing to me: “A is for architect who made the design, B is for brace that keeps you in line, C is is for ceiling joist….”