I knew this is not the good timing, but #stayathome make me think a lot. I have been watching male adult films since 13 and I’m 24 now. I’m totally respect and understand gay.I just hated myself individually for why I’m gay, I don’t want to be gay, I just wanted everything be normal. I’ve never told anyone, this keep deep inside me, it is so hard sometimes.
Feeling different can be very hard, and I’m sorry you are struggling with this. Honestly, I don’t think a “normal” person exists. Everyone is different in some way, and accepting those differences and being the best possible person is the healthiest way to live. My advice is to stop wishing you were like others and be happy with who you are. If the people around you don’t like it, there are many others who will welcome you into their lives. Also, gay adult films do not reflect reality. Those people are actors being paid to do what the director tells them to do, and many are not even gay. Any relationship you decide to have should reflect only what you and your partner want, and there is an infinite variety of possible relationships.